New..Needs advice! Help if you can! :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
New..Needs advice! Help if you can! :o)
13
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 4:49pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 4:55pm

Wow - I commend you for being such a wonderful mom - and single - to 2 special needs children no less. That is no small feat. Somehow, somewhere, someone is very pleased with you and you will be rewarded for all of this. I don't know how you did it!!

Anyway, with regards to your question. I would want counseling for both of you so he can get on the same page with your parenting - otherwise it is not going to work. A teenager with 2 special needs siblings needs care and love and understanding - and you need support. Either he ponies that up - or he is out the door.

See what the others say - they will ring in with good advice and many of them have teenagers and special needs children. I have always been one to use positive parenting, patience and rewards - never harshness - I would boot that to the curb - I am a protective mother bear!!

Keep us posted - welcome - and come back often!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 5:06pm

Hi Cutie, and welcome!


I have two daughters - one is 14, so trust me - I feel your pain as far as the mood swings and irritability.


I have a couple of questions for you – how long have you been dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 5:22pm

Hey there-


Welcome! I too cemnd you for being an incredible mom. It's hard to imagine what you deal with having your wonderful and special needs kids- along with a teen age who is going through the motions of being a teen. And I agree- that she might be reacting a bit more because she has special needs siblings. You are the mom though and your protective instinct are right on. I agree whole heartedly with West and Moon's posts. The things is that you back up your boyfriend and let him take over, your DD will resent this and resent your B/f. Stick to your gut and be the nourturing, listening parent you know you are and that you know she needs. If your b/f says he can't abide by your parenting then he must go. It is your daughter and she needs you more than he does. Hang in there, welcome again- and keep us posted..

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 5:32pm
Thanks for your reply! We have been dating since may of last year. He met the children in october once I felt like I wanted to move forward with the relationship! He does not have any children of his own. And sometimes that is a downfall. My DD13 was happy that I was dating and still doesn't mind she is just learning how to communicate with him and find medium ground with him. :o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 5:38pm

If he doesn't have any children of his own (let alone teens!) then that makes perfect sense that he doesn't know A. what to expect from a teenage girl and B. how to appropriately react to it.


So...

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 6:32pm

> His role is to support you as their parent – not to be their parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 7:03pm

After reading comments and thinking more about the situation I think there are MORE issues underlying than I wanted to face! He does have a problem with communitcation in general. While I do agree the children should not see him as a parent figure I do think they should respect him as an adult. I would expect the children to listen to and respect ANY adult that is in their live wether it be a friend, family member or teacher!


Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 7:23pm

I don't disagree about children (or anyone) needing to respect others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 7:50pm
Hey and welcome girlie!!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 7:55pm

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