Let's say......

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Let's say......
45
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 4:45pm

.....that your boyfriend (or girlfriend for you guys) of oh, about 1.5 years had a nasty wench ex FWB that would call him and talk inappropriately, creating drama and always trying to wedge her big broom butt into your relationship. She started calling again like three times a week...and calls him at WORK (no doubt because that is when she can get him without any worry that you are there, as you would get upset...go figure). Let's say that you had a conversation with said boyfriend about 10 days ago and he agree to tell her to stop calling him. Boyfriend said he would tell you when the conversation with wench happened, which he said would be "next time she calls me".


So 10 days later no word about wench calling, therefore no word about the "stop calling me" conversation. You call boyfriend at his work this morning and his line is tied up. You call back a while later and mention how busy he has been at work. He says yes, very busy. You ask if he has been doing a lot of work on the phone, he says no, why do you ask. You say, because your line was tied up for a while. He gives no explanation, only says he's been real busy and then asks about my day. You are very curious (OK..suspicious) because of the past and because no word yet on the conversation he was to have to end the calls.


Would you ask him directly? For example: "So has (wench) called you lately?"


Or would you not say a word and just keep waiting for him to say something?

~Pacific~
~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 5:05pm

Personally, and this is just me, I would give him about two weeks, then ask "We agreed that .

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 5:10pm

I'd ask, especially since it appears from your post that he changed the subject when you asked if he had been on the phone quite long that morning, as if to avoid your questioning.

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 5:20pm
If it has been 10 days I would just ask. I think that is reasonable if she had been calling on average of 3 days a week and now suddenly you have heard nothing. Hopefully she has just gone away but you don't know until you ask.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 6:21pm

As the others have said, I would ask him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 6:33pm
Id absolutely ask directly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 6:45pm

Honey, he LIKES her attention and sex talk and interest in him- he's getting


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 6:58pm

I would come right out and ask him about it directly. And be ready to WALK if he is still talking to her.


Pacific ((((((hugs)))))) to you but this has been something you've talked about with him. You've made it clear to him what your feelings and thoughts are about it. And if he STILL keeps on with talking to her, then why would he expect you to keep on sticking around? I know you have more to your relationship that is GOOD... but if he can't give up another woman while he is involved with you, and says he is committed to you... his actions just isn't showing it. He'd be lying and you deserve better than that.


I think you're afraid of coming out and asking him, because that means calling him on his "bluff" (if he's hiding anything)... and YOU being ready to stand your ground on what you've already told him about not putting up with this situation.


It's not like he is talking with an old female friend, like a sister. This is a FWB and that makes it completely different in my mind. Sex has been involved between them- and that is a huge difference! It isn't like it was just a friendly sisterly relationship where he gets support from a female point of view.


I agree with Alison- if he is still talking to her, then he is obviously getting some payoff from it that you have to either decide you can live with, or not.


I really want you to be happy with your man, but if he is doing this to you... I want to do some curb-kicking on him!!


Hugs,

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 7:15pm

I agree with you all.. it's what I suspected you would advise, just ask him...but be prepared for the truth. And back my talk by walking if I get the answer I fear getting. In truth, I don't know that (if she is still calling) that she even talks sex, BUT even if she doesn't, BE admitted to me that he felt her trying to "wedge her way in" again...and that in itself means she needs to be HISTORY...even her platonic presence in his life is destructive to him and I...because of the past conversations that broke the respect she (and BE) need to have for our relationship.


I'm going to ask him non threatening but openly tonight. I'll steal Soonee's word and ask him if she has been "sniffing" around lately. If yes- next question will be what did he tell her, did her tell her to stop, or what.


I'm sick to death of her! I need this to be OVER. I'll keep you posted on the outcome- after we talk tonight.


Thanks...as always! You are all the best :o)


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 7:52pm

If he replies that he's asked her to stop calling and she won't, then offer to help him get a restraining order ;)


He may lie, so be prepared for that too, and the only way you'd know is if you find evidence otherwise.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 9:40pm

"I'm sick to death of her! I need this to be OVER."

I agree and would feel the same way. Maybe some snooping is in order? LOL!!

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