It was a bumpy night
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| Thu, 06-05-2008 - 10:29am |
So I went out with Mr. Clean. Had dinner at a Mexican place. Lots of pleasant conversation and laughing, hand holding, and kissing good night. It was very nice and relaxed.
Before I left....drama with BG that helped to put a damper on my evening. He sent me a text asking how my dating life is going. I replied "I didn't think you wanted me to date". Of course I am hanging out with NN and Mr. Clean and I guess you could refer to that as dating but BG has strung me along for so long that I wasn't worried about it. He said that someone saw me out with someone. I told him that I probably was. I have friends I do things with. He then tells me to "have fun with that". I then notice I had an email from him earlier in the day stating "I guess you are over me...I never hear from you". He's the one who said he didn't need a lot of communication while he was out of town working so I honored his wishes and left him alone. I told him that I thought we should talk about this not by email or text but on the phone. I called his hotel room and he didn't answer and I called him cell, same results. I ended up crying myself to sleep last night, feeling like I've lost my best friend. I can't believe how he's acting and treating me. Like I'm some sort of tart because I went out and tested the dating waters at his insistence. I know this is a matter of realizing that although he might not want me, he doesn't want anyone else to have me either but really...I do have feelings (which is what I told him) and that I would have moved heaven and earth to be with him. I had loved him so completely at one point and was the happiest I had ever been and he decided that it was ok to throw that away.
Girls, I'm at a loss. I feel so beaten up right now. Of course the answer is staring me in the face. It's obvious that I need to let him go but I do feel like I want us to talk it out and get to some common ground. We have the same circle of friends and I'll be darned if I lose that. He's the one who wanted me to date other people and yet acts hurt because I might be yet never calls or reaches out to me to get together or spend time together.
Why does it have to be so hard?
Cat

Cat, I'm not sure how much you and BG have discussed, but I really do think that a non-emotional, non-finger pointing discussion is in order.
I think you want an explanation or validation from BG - or to feel that he cares. But you are the only one who is going to give this to you. I feel he was very selfish to sort of string you along and then go online when you were doing your very best to accomodate his work schedule - and with that he didn't even make enough time or make you the priority.
I know it hurts - but I think it is best you did move on and didn't talk to him until you are over him - which means you could see him with someone else and it wouldn't bother you.
I am so happy that your date last night went well - hopefully you can realize that new beginnings are everywhere and that you deserve someone to really want you and treat you with respect and if they don't it doesn't matter why - only that they don't make the grade and you are the one to call the shots and cut the cord.
I think it was his ego that got bruised - and rightfully so for his actions - and that is why he sent the message. Hope this helps somehow!!
Oh hugs, Cat!!! This is a sure case of BG wanting something he can't have. But you wonder still... if he got you back, would he go back to ignoring you?
It's odd that when you called or texted often and didn't get a response, that was "okay"... but if he called or texted and you don't respond, suddenly that is NOT okay?? WTF???! He needs to decide what he wants. And he has to live with YOU deciding what you want, as well. And if the 2 doesn't match up, then it doesn't match up.
I don't think it's fair at all that he's flinging these comments to you now, as you are dating others. Especially when all this separation started, you found HIM looking online while ignoring you. I know you miss having his friendship, even if the romantic aspect has gone out the window... but how is he even acting like a friend now?
I think a talk between you guys could be good. As long as he doesn't try to get manipulative with it. (but there's no guarantee of that, is there?)
Hugs with it all, but I'm glad you had a nice date with Mr. Clean! Yay for that!!
~shrimpy
It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Of course he's sending you texts like that- he WANTS you to be sitting at home pining away for him!
Hugs Cat!!!!
I can relate to what you are saying because of my recent breakup.... i felt like i just wanted to talk it out... but i didn't get that talk.... so I agree with Alison 100%. You have to validate yourself and let go of the rest...
And i know it's not easy to move on... but you can... one day at a time. Let him go, but also allow his texts and calls to boost your ego! Deep down he knows he's loosing something good but for his own reasons he wasn't capable of being in a relationship with you.. And for that YOU should move on....
For me, i wish i could hear that TG is missing me and realizing HE screwed up.. but for now it's only in my imagination (or my denial of how that all went down..lol) in either case, i'm telling myself that he does realize he messed up.. for my own peace of mind, i've let go of needing to hear it from him.... so, i tell myself! I'm not sure if i mentioned.. but those first few days after the breakup, I wanted to text him or call him badly.. ya know,to have that talk and get some answers... so what i did was write a text a save it as a draft... i never sent them. Maybe that will help you too... write out what you'd like to say... but don't send it. Like Alison said, until he admits and understands how he was a chum... you shouldn't give him the time of day.
I know it's hard... i wish you could come out with us... i wish all us girls feeling a little heart broken or disapointed could have a night out, drink, lament, ... but then joke, laugh, and build each other up.. GIRL POWER. We are amazing women! Single moms doing the best we can.. and in the end, our children are our legacy! They will get their strength from us... they will be inspire and feel like they can accomplish anything because they were witnesses to some of the bravest women! (i'm psyching myself out.. can you tell....lol)....
I hope you forgive BG so that YOU can move on without him.... I find that whenever i start hurting, it goes away quicker if i just keep saying "i forgive i forgive i forgive"! There is power in forgiveness!
(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Love,
Loonybunny
You all are so right. I'm supposed to talk to him tonight but I'm thinking it will just be closure to our "relationship". I will miss him but I know that he can't give me what I need....a loving, committed relationship. I deserve that!