Dating and money?
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| Wed, 06-11-2008 - 10:06pm |
Hello everyone,
I wanted to get a few opinions on the subject of money that I'm curious about. One of my closest girlfriends is also a single mother and we were talking. She mentioned that she has been seeing a guy for 2 months and today she asked him for money. I believe it was less than $80 or so to get her hair done. First off let me explain that she is not a gold digger and that she has 3 children and works really hard to support them.
I have always been an independent person and have too much pride to ask a man for money unless we are married or living together. If I need money I would rather pawn something than ask someone for help. My friend explained to me that if a man likes you and you are in an intimate relationship than he should be able to give you money if he has it. My boyfriend of 3 months also told me that if I ever needed / wanted money to come to him. I find it hard to do unless it is life or death. But to get my hair done?? No way.
I know everyone will have different thoughts but I'm also curious if this mentality is a cultural, background and/or generation difference?
I am 28 and come from a family with two parents in a middle class home. I'm educated and work in a corporate environment. My dear friend is 38 and grew up in a single family home that struggled to get by in a poorer area. She works in a blue collar environment. Her mother taught her that a man should feel privileged to be with you. My mother taught me that a man and woman are privileged to have found each other. Show him you "want" him but that I don't "need" him. (financially)

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I have a sister who is very willing to accept money from the men she dates.
Tough one.
I believe there is no right or wrong when it comes with relationship values. We each have our own and if the woman's values of geting money for her hair from the man she is seeing then that is what is. Plus if the man gives her money then their values seem to match. It is what they each find acceptable. Look at the couples around you. Some make you wonder how the heck do they stay together. I see the answer as obvious, i.e. they each find something in the other that suits them regardless how *I* see it.
MEK
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Mark, the OP's first sentence says she is asking for opinions.
I think we all understand that 'what makes the world go round' is different for every person and therefore every couple.
Good question!
I think it depends greatly on your value system. No one being right or wrong as long as it works for both in the relationship. In my opinion, if one person makes more money then the other, and the relationship is one of stability and mutual respect, I don't see harm in accepting money for things IF it is given freely...but I do see a problem if it is expected. I think some men even feel really good to be able to feel capable and in the position to give..it makes some men feel like a provider. I know it's
This one has been tough for me.
I don't want him to feel like I'm another person wanting something from him
I think this is very, very, smart.
I would not ever ask a man for money.
I suspect some of this might be cultural though to be honest. For instance, I have a few African American gfs and they have told me getting their hair done is kind of must because of something about the kind of hair they have. I dont understand it exactly but it seems more like a monthly requirement ( or more often to them) and it is important to them in a way a hair appt would not be to me. Sometimes I go months without doing anything in the salon to my hair. But I have long straight brown hair. Only now I am getting grey and will have to rethink it maybe. (tear) Also I know other gfs who dye their hair and when roots really start coming in, ( especially a blonde friend I have) they will use money from the groceries budget if they have to - they just feel that uncomfortable.
"I would not ever ask a man for money. If I can't buy it myself, then I won't get it. I'm extremely independent that way. If a man offered to give me money for something, I wouldn't take it either, but if he bought me a gift of his own accord, then I would accept it."
AMEN!!!!!
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