teenagers and dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
teenagers and dating
23
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 3:55pm

Hi ! This is my first post here. Hoping someone here has some insight on my situation.


I've been divorced for 8 years and for the most part get along fine with my ex. My kids are 14 and 16.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 4:14pm

Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 4:35pm

Thanks Laura!


Consider yourself lucky! Mine do not support me dating one little bit.But they have busy social lives of their own. I guess they think my world has to revolve around only them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 5:47pm

This issue comes up regularly on this board, you are not the first to deal with reluctant teens. My sons are 17 and 19, they initially had some issues with me dating in general. We had a very open discussion about their concerns and now things are fine. My BF of 2 yrs has 2 daughters 15 and 13 and his 13 yr old still has issues with his dating. We still keep our kids out of our relationship.

So, if I were you, I'd first have a discussion, remain non emotional as possible, with the kids about your dating in general, not this particular guy. Second I'd ask your X if he gets the same reaction to his dating. Is he supportive of you BOTH moving on or is his attitude part of the kids reaction? Then you just have to make it clear, you are the adult here and the kids don't get a say in your dating or not. You can keep them out of it, date only during the time they are with their father. On the rare occasion they meet someone you are dating they are expected to be polite, as they would with any of your women friends.

Anyway, that works for me, hope it helps you.

QueenBun

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 10:56am

Welcome to the board!


I completely agree with QB on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 2:40pm

Welcome to the Board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 4:19pm

Thanks to everyone for all your wisdom.


I don't know what my ex tells the kids. He is a recovering addict and he does not see the kids on a regular. They have a phone relationship with him. They see him but it goes in spurts.He dissapoints them alot but they still put him on a pedistal. I never talk bad about him...he digs his own hole!


I have asked my 16 yr old if she thinks i'd ever get back with him and she said no.All I get from her when I try to bring up the subject is" Its just weird that my mom dates"


Now dating is not new for me...i've been single for 8 years...so I have been dating. You'd think it would be no big deal by now.


I don't let it stop me but it does make things harder and i'm really lucky my BF is patient and thinks i'm worth sticking around for. I just wish for some acceptance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 4:37pm

Sounds like time and patience are called for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 6:07pm

Hi and welcome to the board.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 7:37pm

Hi Alison!


That was put so nice and clear.Thank you!


All things I know and agree with...I guess I needed validation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 7:47pm

You're welcome :)


It's ok to want validation, we all do.


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