NC update from "the talk"
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NC update from "the talk"
| Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:37pm |
Well first off, "the talk" wasn't as big & scary as i anticipated at all. NC came over (no coffee, when I joking teased him about showing up empty handed he got all embarassed and said "I was going to, but to be honest I didn't think you'd really want one at 10pm and I just really wanted to get over here asap and see you. selfish I know. I'm sorry, I should

Well, I guess the question is:
Like Moony asked: what do YOU want?
Oh Good Point Pac:
"I also give NC credit for telling you like it is right now. Its sort of his disclosure statement up front, so that if you start to have expectations down the road he can fall back and pull out the fine print that he presented to you."
My ex did that with his current gf.
Well, I want to explore things further with NC. I beieve its a matter of circumstances right now that we can't be more than the casual dating we're doing. And that's on both parts. For him, its to do with his seperation & career right now. For me, its because I'm still figuring out what I want, do I want to share my kids, my life with someone again at this point? Or do I just want this for ME. And right now, I'm there. I want this for ME. I don't want a Daddy for my kids, nor a husband right now. So I'm in no need to establish certain things like 'I need to know when we'll be considered exclusive, (which we already discussed and NC isn't seeing anyone else. He said when he reaches a pointw here he's able to be with someone, he wants that to be me. But he's not dating aside from seeing me, where as I still am sorta) And while I also really appreciate NC's honesty,
the "set in his ways" comment is my own. Not NC's. He said his heart loves where this is going, but his logical side is telling him its not the right time until things are finished up with his marriage/seperation etc. And his job is extremely demanding, for the last 2 yrs, he's been "get up, go to work, go home". Once in awhile he'll go out to play ball or go for wings, but of his own admittance, his life is very very quiet and blah. The time he has when he isn't at work, is spent travelling the 2 hours to visit with his kids. He doesn't want to take time away from them, that a relationship would require. Based on a couple conversations, I think NC feels really guilty about his marriage failing and he feels like his children are suffering from it. Not that he & his wife don't get along, but he feels bad the family isn't a unit and that he wanted to give that to his kids. Anyway, I completely appreciate his honesty, but I don't take it as a disclaimer, he just really doesn't seem the sort. With his job, he's up for a transfer in a year, so he is looking at "the big picture" but mostly both of us are in agreement we aren't rushing into anything. Just enjoying the now. And not putting the pressure of "we're in a relationship that means ever- moving-forward" type mentality. Just the now.
As for Mr Mechanic, its going to hurt, but I know he won't be ok with my seeing other guys so that will mean things end with us. I'll miss his company, and completely understand, but I don't want to stop seeing NC.
Had another talk with Mr. Mechanic last night. He's coming into town tonight. He had asked what I want and I told him, I didn't want to stop seeing him and didn't want to stop seeing NC either. When I asked him how he felt about that he said "It's your decision to make. I'm not going to put any pressure on you. We see dating differently I guess (meaning he doesn't think you date more than one person at a time) but that he wasn't going to throw the towel in either." Then he asked if I wanted to still see him and I said yes I enjoyed spending time with him (its been about 2 mths since we last saw each other because of summer business of him having his daughter with him etc) So we're watching a movie tonight, ordering take out and just hanging out. I feel like it will be a nice evening since we already talked things out. He made it clear of his feelings for me last night, and then added "I guess I assumed we'd pick up where we'd left off and I shouldn't have done that. Too little too late". But he said he still wanted to see me too. And perhaps he'll decide later on that he can't do it (date me knowing I'm also seeing NC) or perhaps I'll reach a point of wanting to be physically involved with one or the other (what are the rules on that by the way? Do you just blurt it out to the other guy "Hey, I can't see you anymore because I want to sleep with the other guy" aye ai ai) And as for NC, I think I'll initiate another talk with him, and find out exactly what is preventing him from entering into a relationship. If its his seperation not being final (divorce totally gone through) then I get it. But if its more of "I want to experience life, I wanna be a bachelor I wanna do whatever I want when I want and not answer to anyone" then I want to know LOL Because I totally get what you all are saying. And I delved deep and this is what I want. I want to enjoy my time with NC, and i want to see Mr. Mechanic (MM) when he comes through town to see a movie, do dinner or the comedy club whatever. And just enjoy the great qualities both possess and not put pressure on choosing one over the other because I wanna marry them type thing. But if NC is 100% unavailable *aside* from the seperation/divorce that will change things for me.
OK. ramble over heh heh