Shaking head... why do I do this to...

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Shaking head... why do I do this to...
30
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 9:30pm

myself?
Why am I SOOOOO insecure? Here I have this adorable young sexy man that pays me wonderful attention (only three weeks of knowing each other and a week of dating, so not really surprising) and I am already starting to choke?
When he says he really likes me, I keep reminding him, he needs to find a younger woman. When he says he really wants to spend quite a bit of time with me, then I keep telling him that his success (his art is majorly taking off here, he's in the charlotte weekly paper and in Hollywood) and the temptation of the beautiful ladies in L.A. is going to make him change his mind (he's going to L.A. for a month in October). That he shouldn't be hanging out with a older single mother and that I'm keeping my distance.

Ok, so why can't I just shut up??? He hasn't listened to me yet, but I am feeling so insecure and so distant from him. I guess that is attracting him even more, but can't I just shut up and show a little more confidence??? He wants me to be his date on Saturday for his first big gallery opening and he's introduced me to his entire family, makes plans ahead for the month of November, which his family says he hasn't done in a very long time. Okkk, so it might be, because I refuse to give him what he wants. wink wink. I am keeping bay from him sexually and emotionally. Not that it's new, but I seem to really go on about taking a tiny step at a time. We are just really different too. It's not Euphoria or something overboard, but we hang out and LAUGH so much. I can't remember how long it's been that I've laughed the way I have. It's tears. But we just make so much fun of each other and we enjoy being with each other and he just always wants my opinion and I always enjoy listening to his. However, we don't make out or kiss much. It's quite funny, but we are so comfortable with just hanging out, without all the other stuff.

UGH??!! Why am I going on about this guy??? It's only going to be just as it always is. I am going to date him awhile, get involved and then i'll ruin it all with some sort of drama, cut him loose or let it happen vice versa because I'm a nut case.

Darn. Can't I just take things with baby steps instead of worrying about all this????

shaking head...........sigh......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 9:40pm
Oh dear.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 10:26pm
Oh no! You do seem upset. But if you werent riled up in some way it would be no news at all right? It is just your heart jumping in a little and you trying to convince yourself ut of it. BTDT.
I have to say though and I really MUST say it - I ALWAYS ALWAYS dated older men until SYB. NOT once did I date even my age let alone younger. I always dated 5 - 10 years older and then I met SYB and when he told me he was 7 years younger than me on our first date after weeks of flirting and lead up, I was shocked out of my mind. I made a decision to not consider our age difference until behavior warranted it despite remarks from family who have now EATEN FREAKIN CROW btw about " hey City, you arent Demi for christs sake". It has honestly never come up since. He is 27 now and I am 34 and we have been together 2 1/2 years and are still in love and talking marriage and babies now. He is my rock and he has an old soul and spirit. We are both in the arts and dealing with all of those frustrations but it brings us closer and there is something about an artist's spirit sometimes that knows no age I think.
I would try and open your heart and mind to just the possibility. Seriously you can get your heart broken by anyone but if he is in his twenties and has his life together and has ambition and is passionate - why doubt and for goodness sake dont feed him doubts? Are you nuts?LOL. Feed him chocolate:)
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 10:27pm

AW, Why do we have to make things so hard for ourselves?

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 9:53am
I just remind myself that it's very hard for an artist to have a life with a family. It is very much about themselves, not more then that. Having grown up with one and living among so many of them, they tend to be quite selfish. I am going to definitely keep myself at bay for quite some time, but definitely don't want to throw it out the window either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 10:01am
Its probably best not to stereotype, no?
I am an artist. You seriously wont find a more family oriented or devoted person ever. I literally put my whole career and life to the side for five year to take care of my mom while she was ill and dying. I appear in large halls everywhere and am quite used to that attention but all I want is to go home and curl up with my son, SYB, and Monty. SYB is devoted to his family to a fault. He would do anything for them no matter how crazy they are. I have to reason him out of sacfricing everything for them. Both of us would drop everything to help anyone and have many times to our own detriment. I grew up in a family of artists and they are the exact opposite of what you described. We are all successful and love one another tremendously.
Dont pass up on a potentially good man or relationship because of a preconceived notion!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 10:07am

Age is relative, my dear!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 10:10am
OH no! LOL are we really May december if I am 34 and he is 27? I guess I had never thought of it that way but maybe that is a good sign:)
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 10:19am

OH no! LOL are we really May december if I am 34 and he is 27?


Well... of COURSE you are ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 10:35am
shhhhhh!!!!! Mooon, my wrinkles are listening .......LOL
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 10:42am
All I can say is that if you're truly freaking out, then you're NOT ready to be dating.
The boy

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