Is this what "Rescue Syndrome" is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Is this what "Rescue Syndrome" is?
4
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 10:15am

So yesterday NC came back to town early from visiting his kids as they were short officers and he was needed. So he calls yesterday morning, I wasn't expecting to hear from him as we have plans to get together Mon night. He knew I had a date thurs night w/ MM and he asked if I'd had a good time, and general chitchat. He asked if he could come over that night after work (after my kids were in bed) and I said yes. I was excited to see him. Then through email we got on the topic of why his life isn't relationship friendly right now and this is what came out: Whew, lemme see if I can condense this part. His wife initiated the seperation. She's currently going to councelling. They haven't told their 2 children anything other than

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 1:29pm
Wow.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 2:33pm

The good- He admits to himself he has issues he needs to work on. That is the first step to being a more emotionally healthy individual.
The bad- he is not in any shape to be in a relationship with anyone. He needs to work out these issues even to get his marriage back, to be the best dad he can be, to move on if the marriage is unsalvageable.

You can be a supportive friend, but he's made it clear a romantic relationship is just not in the cards right now. Nothing to do with you.

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 4:01pm

He's not divorced. His wife and him are still working on whether or not to work it out. He's worried about the kids.

Sounds to me like if given the chance he'll be back together with his wife in a heartbeat.

I think you're a distraction for him while he waits on his wife to make up her mind. I know you're not looking for wedding bells serious yet, but you do want someone who CAN commit, right?

So what to do? I think backing off and JUST being friends, if that, is enough right now. You don't need the heartache of having him chose his wife, nor do you need the drama of waiting on him to make up his mind.

In a year, if he's gone the route of divorce, then maybe. But right now? NEXT!

The boy

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 7:03pm
Yup. he definitely has stuff to sort out, which he was honest about from the beginning, he just didn't specify what the items were until I asked. I definitely get the feeling he really enjoys having someone to talk to about things that isn't involved in any aspect of it (I have nothing to do with police work, etc) so I'm going to continue seeing him, they way we already are and not close myself off to other potential suitors. I'm definitely not looking for marriage right now or anytime soon. Just adult company right now. And I agree, NC has too much crap going on to give anything to a relationship. I don't want to be someone shrink, but we are easy to be around eachother, the conversation flows, we laugh lots. We're both getting something out of this, without it harming anyone else.