Relationship Realization

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Relationship Realization
6
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 1:23am

I had an epiphany when I was talking with my girlfriend Sandy yesterday. I was sharing on why I wanted to have an intimate relationship. For me it is because I want to grow, to work on my "stuff," to have those shadow parts of me brought up and dealt with, and to have a partner who is willing to hang in there to mirror those aspects of myself that I need to face and reconcile. What came up with was being told by Sandy that I just needed to learn to receive love. That really hit home

I find that quite amazing that I never thought of having to learn about how to receive love. Quite a blind spot. I guess I never really felt that was a need in my life or a deficiency of my psychological makeup unlike learning to know and express my feelings such as anger. I do believe in the old saw that I need to love myself first and foremost. So I guess in order to do that I not only have to learn to *give* love to myself but to RECEIVE love as well. I guess that is why Sandy came into my life.

The other thing that came up in our talk was how our relationship is work and it is hard for her. What she meant by that was how being in relationship with me challenged her in not only sharing what she is feeling but more in *knowing* what she is feeling. This is something that she has lost touch of since childhood as a self-protective mechanism. She said she never have been in a relationship that demanded such intimacy.

I believe we are together for this and a multitude of other reasons yet to be realized. I believe we are the right people at the right stage of our lives to be together for this growth and realizations.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 6:42am

Wow Mark,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 7:42am

Mark,


Interesting insight. We can always count on you for something meaningful and deep. Hey even when you marry this woman dont leave the board. We need you here.


"or a deficiency of my psychological makeup"


Mark, dude. You dont have a deficiency. Learning something new doesnt mean you have a deficiency to make up for. If it were the case then the whole population of this planet would be deficient. ITs not a healthy thing to think of yourself.


Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 9:46am

Mark, I think it is great that you two can discuss these things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 10:01am

Don't feel bad Mark, if I were in a serious relationship, I would have to learn to receive Love as


well, I admit, it's not something I know how to do.


At this point in life, I'm not ready or open to a serious relationship, but if I were to ever find


myself in one, I would have some serious work to do.


We are all flawed in some way or another, but realization is the first step to growth and healing.

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 1:13pm

I like how you are able to be open and make these meaningful realizations in your relationship Mark. I'm happy to hear you are finding meaning and connection in it.


As for receiving love, yes I agree, it can be a challenge. I notice in myself that so often when love is freely give to me, I am immediately caught up in 'what should I give back, or I feel guilty and I don't deserve it, or he doesn't really mean it, or worse..he might mean it but I keep a wall up from receiving his love fully so that of he leaves I wont be hurt'....all of those thoughts in my experience at time

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 1:28pm

That is quite the epiphany. And yes, I believe that people are brought into our lives for a reason- to teach us something about ourselves. It's amazing how strong you both have been in the tug-of-war that comes with opening up and sharing of yourselves with each other and WANTING to stay there and work it out, whereas most people would get upset/ angry and walk away.

Thanks for sharing.

The boy

Photobucket