Out of my league?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Out of my league?
15
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:21am

Ok ladies,


Have you ever met a man or chatted it up with a man that totally interested you but you felt like he was just totally out of your league? Ugg how do you get over this? I'm scared to death to meet this guy and I'm trying to send every horrible fat picture, and blurt out every negative thing about myself before I meet him. LOL.


We *might* be going out this Sunday... and I swear the thought of meeting new people and putting myself out there for someone way out of my league just makes me want to crawl back in a hole and wait for Medic lol.


I think I may need a lot of affirmation notes around the house before this date! LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:43am

What do you mean by "Out of your league" ?

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 10:30am

I wish I could add sound effects because I would be posting a HUGE crowd applauding your post, T!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 10:34am

Heck he may not be good enough for you!


That's the attitude to have!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:27pm

I totally agree with Taina! He might not be good enought for YOU. Who decides who is "out of your league" based on a few pictures and a profile? He could be a royal class jerk and who really knows anyone until they get to know each other in person.


Keep in mind who you are a person, your values, your many strengths and yes even your cuteness! Go for it without classifying yourself. Lord knows probably every person out there in OLD is feeling the same way :o)

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:37pm

The guy I was/am seeing I initially thought was way out of my league. Really successful photographer in NYC, did a lot of really famous ad campaigns, been all over the world, studio that would blow your mind, knew all the top people in the city. I had been a photo major in college, worked in advertising in NYC, so I knew he was not full of it.

But I had also been a stay at home mom, now I'm a school teacher, I am dead broke because my lazy ex would never keep a job, I haven't been anywhere interesting in years. I am so uncool in so many ways. So I felt soooo out of my league with this guy.

But guess what? He can be such a dork. And waaayyy more conservative as a parent than I am. And a couple of days ago confessed to me that he HATES having to sell himself, he always feels like an idiot when he does it, and wishes that just sitting in front of the computer would bring him work. He says that tactic isn't working so well.

My point is, he may initially seem out of your league, but if you get to know him, you may meet his inner nerd and your inner cool kid will seem out of HIS league.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 10:20pm
Its true that there is no such thing as out of your league. Dont allow these thoughts to continue in your head. You are great and think what you will miss if you are literally the last person to know it! I think about the relationships I had in the past and how I settled and a lot of it was out of fear for going for someone who WAS available, COULD get me and see me totally, HAD their own passions and family and friends. When I finally got up the nerve to allow myself to find happiness that is exactly what I found. It really was that simple for me and I honestly had to toss out any qualms I had about being good enough. I really think you have to just let go and get down to the bare bones of just being you and letting what happens naturally guide you to who is right. Keep your standards high and when you are doubting yourself take a moment to think about what THEY might not be offering you instead.
BIG HUGS - I think we have all had those thoughts at one time or another!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 8:18am

I agree. Put lots of notes and remember there is no league to speak of. You have just as much to offer as he does and possibly more. Besides what is it about him that makes you feel he is out of your league?

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 8:31am

He works and lives in a very high end part of town.. right around the corner from heartbreaker actually. I also find him to be very very attractive and out of my league in that way. However, he's a super super nice guy, and I'm going to go out with him and see what happens.


Its almost like the women in that area bother me more than anything. I just never will be the cute to the 9's great body girl. I'm just simple, and goofy, and me. I want to wear some cute heels with my jeans, but I put on my stupid flip flops instead. I want to have a stylin' haircut but the dang humidity makes me a frizz head. I want to drive a nice car but I just can't afford it. I look at the women that he is surrounded by and I think.. why would he want me?


Although holding hands with that hottie in the local Grocery store and running into heartbreaker would be rather awesome, now wouldn't it? LOL


However, I have a Medic update that I'll throw in here... we talked last night, joked around a bit, touched on 'us' a bit. I made the comment to him that part of me just wants to crawl under a rock, take up a new hobby, buy a few good books and wait for him. Joked around about him wanting to be "my baby daddy" LOL. He said regarding me it was like hitting himself in the toe over and over again with a hammer. Sigh, I don't want to cause him stress, and I really don't mean to. It just is what it is. Neither one of us is doing anything horrible to the other person.. its just the stress of not being able to spend time together thats doing it. After we got off the phone I sent him a text to which I have not heard a reply from. "You hit yourself in the toe over and over again because we both know that if life would just cut us a little break, we both know we could be happy together" And its true, thats how I feel. I still have some reservations and concerns regarding medic.. but I don't feel like we've had enough time together to really explore all of that, and there is a lot of good... alot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 9:01am

"why would he want me?"

Because like you said, youre cute and goofy and just you. Guys dig that. I am a major goof and EMT loves it that way. My kids do too.

So go out with him. You could just be his cup of tea. And guys know a phony when they see one. Maybe he is tired of the self centered, made up, phonies of his neighborhood and want to date the real thing for a change.

Please dont ever think of yourself as inferior to him. You bring things to the table too. It may not be money or a fancy car, but hell, those are just material things. He may want real things, like personality and stability.

Its might be hard seeing him when you still have feelings for Medic. I am in that boat. Its not easy going.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 9:22am

I know.. just all my insecurities are coming out. The ex tried to make me one of those Southpark girls, and it just was never my thing. So in the process he just constantly beat me down that I was just never good enough. He flat out would laugh at me that I didn't know how to wear my makeup, or do my hair, or dress myself. He would pick out my clothes for me "since you're unable to do it properly" I remember these rockin' boots he bought me once, but they were to small. I went to exchange them and they didn't have my size. He said to me "You are NOT allowed to return them, and if you do I'll never buy you anything again" so I wore them, and omg I couldn't handle more than an hour or two in them.. maybe just a dinner out then I was home rubbing my feet. I remember one time getting all fixed up to go out with him and I came out and he just laughed at me. I felt so pretty, and then to have him just laugh at me broke my heart. Ya know?


So anyway, the more I resisted the more he attacked me in other ways.. horrible mother, horrible housekeeper. When I said I wanted to be a nurse he laughed and told me I wasn't smart enough and I'd end up killing someone. Umm.. I've never made below a B in college, how am I stupid?


The Ex cheated on me many times in search for his Southpark girl, and eventually left me for a Southpark girl. He now is married to a Southpark girl, and they snub their nose down on me quite a bit.


So granted, I know that he's messed up in the head, and not all men are like that. But when you have that shoved down your throat for six years its hard to shake it, and the insecurities come back to haunt you even if you think you've packed them away for good.


I have these pictures, they're my affirmations rather than notes. I take pictures of myself when I feel very pretty and I look at them and I say to myself "He was wrong. I'm pretty, and there is nothing wrong with my clothes, my makeup, or my hair here.. I'm pretty!"


Attaching one of my affirmations now LOL... Actually this picture is from the morning I went out to breakfast with Heartbreaker and he ended things two days later. I always look at this and remember.. wow, I was so happy this morning.


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