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| Sat, 09-20-2008 - 10:51pm |
Well, just when I think things are going better for me overall, something happens that sends my life a tad bit out of whack.
Last week I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and put on meds for them. My doctor knew something was wrong and ran every test on me she could find. The results just came in and I am completely stunned. Here I am, at 36 years old and I have just been diagnosed as having abnormally low estrogen levels...I'm going through menopause.

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Oh sweetie (((((((HUGS)))))))
At least now you know what's wrong and can focus on dealing with it, right?
Don't be afraid to talk to him about this, it's not going to scare him away- he's there for you no matter what. And since you didn't want more kids, well this could be a blessing :)
How are you feeling otherwise? Are they recommending anything to help you through it?
They are recommending hormone therapy. In short, they are going to put me on birth control. My first response to this is actually that I'm ok with that. That maybe this won't be so bad after all. Then I go the other way and get really scared. Epilepsy is extremely connected to hormone changes. A significant change in hormones can cause seizures. I am really afraid to go on birth control because it will throw my hormones out of whack the other way.
I'm all my 8 year old daughter has. I know very few people in this small town I live in. My exh and I get along, but he lives 3 hours away. My BF/F lives 15 minutes away, but travels 85% of the time for the next three months. I am scared that, if something happens to me, my daughter will be left alone trying to figure out who to call. She knows 911, but who will take care of her while I'm in the ER? BF/F would be there in a heartbeat...if he's not 700 miles away. Even exh would show up, but it would take time for him to get there.
I rarely have seizures. In fact, I have so few that I (legally) drive. Like I said, they usually happen in my sleep. Still, I am mortified that something might happen while I'm driving. But I have no husband and BF/F (whatever he is to me right now) just can't be in-state as much as he'd like to right now. It's downright terrifying.
To top it off, I just started a new job. Stress doesn't do much for seizures either. I'm just worried that this may end up getting uglier before it gets any better.
Talk about trial by fire, I guess BF/F has no idea what is about to come his way.
If he stays after this...well, let's just say we are sitting down to have a heart to heart. If he stays, it's time to consider making BF/F just BF.
Oh, and thanks for the hug. Trust me...I needed that.
Almalibra
First of all let me just say I'm really sorry you're going through all this. And I can totally relate with the whole "wow, I'm not much of a catch am I?" I really can.
But I have to share with you a comical epileptic story with a happy ending...
When my ex husband started dating, he hit match.com pretty heavily. I was very supportive, and he was a dating fool! He would show me the women he was talking to and I would give feedback on their pictures, emails, and dates that they had. I know... weird isn't it! I really liked this one woman based on a few emails, stories he told me, and some pictures she had sent him.. she just looked like a fun lady. So I would babysit our girls on "his nights" so he could go out with her.
Well, she tells him hey.. I'm epileptic, but I have not had a seizure since I was a teenager, and its totally under control with medication. So he dosn't think anything of it. The very first time they ever had sex.. BAM she has a seizure.. DURING THE DEED! He freaked out of course, explained the whole ordeal to me, and sounds to me like he did everything right. She explained to him that her medications have recently been altered and that must of been the reason for the seizure. Well, he came to me about it with a major concern about well what if this went further, could I ever feel safe with her alone with the girls? Or driving them in the car? I explained to him that with every illness when medications are altered there is a chance of some sort of relapse, so don't stress so much over that. I told him she still seems like a great catch, and he should continue seeing her regardless of this.
Well he did, and the rest is history.. they're married now and expecting a baby! The right guy will yes stress a bit, and give it a lot of thought but he won't go running either.
Another big one for you.. My best friend had sex with TWO men before her husband. TWO!!! The second one gave her herpies. She's married to the most amazing man and handsome man who accepted her and loves her so much. They live a great life, in a beautful house.
So.. to the right guy who realizes that YOU are worth it.. then you ARE a catch. Because we all have something that makes us feel like we're not such a great catch. And for some men out there its the fact that we have children, or we're past the age of wanting more children. Its always something! But to that right guy.. we really are a great catch :)
Hugs to you!!
Thanks TJ,
TJ
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
I know exactly how you feel.
Jenn ~~~ mom to Ashley & Elliott ~~~
Really good advice. Thank you so much! I'm in just such a fragile state. I knew my emotions were all out of whack, I just didn't know why. I've been over reacting to everything, so I suppose I am looking forward to getting that back under control. I think I have found a great guy, I've just been so emotional about the fact that I have lately that I can't even bring myself to tell him how I feel about him. How's that for crazy? And now this. You are right tho...despite all of my flaws, I am a catch. If we don't work out, well, then there are others out there. Although I don't think that us not working out is the issue (at least I hope not).
As for your funny epilepsy story...you have no idea! I have waited for that to happen to me! I have joked about it from my very first time being intimate until this very day. I figure if I can laugh about it ahead of time then when it really happens and the dust has cleared, we can just sit back and laugh about it. I'm glad to hear that it worked out well for him. I've always secretly been afraid of what any understanding guy might do if I had a seizure during the deed. It was good to hear that he was able to deal with it and accept it because you're right. Our meds change and when they do, so do our seizures...at least for a time.
Thanks for your insight! I really appreciate it!
Almalibra
He really is a remarkable guy. I just wish I could get him to see that he is amazing. He is so hard on himself. I think that some of our issues stem from the fact that he, like me, secretly feels that he isn't a great catch. He can't be farther from the truth. I was so close to telling him that too, but now, at least momentarily, my confidence is somewhat shattered by my health news. I'll recover and the advice I've received on here will help me to get there, but I'm still a bit shaky about the whole deal.
But yes, he is amazing and I will never forgive myself if I let him slip through my fingers someday just because of a pity party I am holding for myself.
Almalibra
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