How do you balance things????

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
How do you balance things????
12
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 4:07pm
I am new on this board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 4:30pm

Hello and Welcome!


I think that many factors will help you decide when it feels right to introduce your children. You have the time away from your marriage going for you already- so jumping out of marriage into a relationship is not an issue. Finding the right guy is, and you are just now discovering whether he is worthy of being brought into your kids lives.


A few questions if you don't mind. How old are your kids? How does the b/f feel about kids? Does he talk about it? How have your kids taken to you dating in the past? Do you feel they are ready and receptive to meeting someone?


Two weeks is really new so definitely more time is in order, so that you can get to know him better. In that time you can try and discover if he is family orientated, likes kids, and if you sense he would be respectful to them. As a man without children, do you feel he will be understanding of your time constraints that you dedicate to your kids?


When I started dating my bf, he was very understanding of my time. He was grateful for the times that I would "steal away" to see him. I did find ways to see him once or twice a week. I could do that because my dd's father is usually available to watch her. My ex having no life really helped..lol! Anyway... my bf has always appreciated that I have dd and

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 4:56pm
Thank you for the warm welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 5:49pm

How often do the kids see their dad?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 7:01pm

Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 10:13pm

Welcome.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 7:59am

As far as I am concerned, my kids (both teens) will not meet anyone until I get some sort of commitment from him. I feel that way because my kids relationship with their dad is pretty bad - he's all but dumped THEM for his new life with his new woman. I don't want my kids to think 1)that will happen to them by me or 2)have them get attached to someone who will leave.

A guy I was seeing thought I was too strict about it, that kids should see that mom has men friends and that people come and go in life. Well, I disagree because I have men friends, who are just friends, and we have moved so many times they know people come and go already. I didn't want him to meet my daughter for that reason (no commitment) and I guess it insulted him so he dumped me. EXACTLY the situation I wanted to avoid, so in the end, I am glad it never happened.

But what they DO know is that when mom has someone special in her life, be it my best friends, a really great former coworker, an old neighbor who adored them, THOSE people DO stick around.

So when a guy gets close to that level of importance in my life, THEN he can meet the kids. If I am not sure about the guy yet, why would I introduce him to my kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 9:14am

Hi there and welcome!


Your children are about the sames ages as mine - I have a dd who is 8 and a ds who is 6.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 9:35am
Hey chickie and WELCOME to the board.
 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 10:06am

Welcome! You quickly notice I'm very open about my views on things. Just remember, take it or leave it. They are only opinions.
Therefore, here is my own personal opinion on introductions.

I know that you really like this guy and that you potentially see something going somewhere, however, I would encourage the three months factor. It has been in my own 8 years of dating that I have come to the conclusion that you never ever introduce your kids before the 3 months. Reason? Everyone see's the chocolate side of a person the first month or two. It's only after that, when you start seeing things that might irk you or things you notice that you can't really shake off or might not be your thing.

Anyway, I'm glad that you are in a good time and want to share your happiness with your children, but if he understands then he'll be patient about when a good time is to move in that direction. If he's the right one, then you have all the time in the world and many years to share the children. Just because your having difficulties dating and seeing him, isn't a good enough reason to bring him into the picture. Any guy who dates a single mom, but respect that and if he doesn't, then he doesn't get you and what's important.

Hope to see you on the board more often!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 11:46am
Thanks to all of you for your great advice.

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