day by day...thats as much as I can say really. Im as guilty as you but im getting to enjoy alone time and now i dont want to compromise what i know i deserve for what i think i want. Does that make sense? I hope so because its sort of become my mantra...again i could be way off base but again i go one day at a time. I wont give up knowing its out there, maybe not today or tomorrow but at some point.
I can't tell you what happened with me. Maybe, I just grew up. The reason I say that, is when I was younger, my girlfriend who was then 37 (the age I am now), said, once you hit my age, you'll grow up and the drama you are experiencing, the lonliness of HAVING to have one, etc, will all go away. Suddenly, it'll be natural to be alone and hang out with your friends and just date someone for the pure enjoyment of having a good time, not NEEDING the relationship.
I HAD to date to have a relationship. They were all bad, but I felt like I NEEDED to have someone in my life regardless. OMG, the DRAMA was endless... I could write books that would make your skin crawl. I have always had hobbies, friends, school, career and things to keep me over busy. but always needed a relationship. I felt I needed to fill something that I alone couldn't. But in the last year, I feel so different. I don't know what happened.
This year, I dated a few people I REALLY liked and when it didn't work out, I coccooned (spelled wrong) myself. During this time, I reflect, look at what went wrong, look at MYSELF first to see where I went wrong and some of the things that I over looked or maybe should not have reacted too. Each time, I grow, I heal, I let myself be ok to be alone. Something I thought I could never do.
I stopped seeing the last guy 6 weeks ago. I'm totally ok with it. I haven't dated or seeked to date anyone else and that guy was only a two week thing. But, I liked him and he came closer to being the guy I wanted in my life. However, no cigar, but it WILL come; in time. I am more confident that the right one will come along, I just can't force it and I have to be ok, to be alone.
Again, I don't know where it suddenly became ok, but my girlfriend was right. She went through all the things I did and you know what? She is now happily married to the right one that she found in her 40's. It wouldn't have happened, if she didn't feel ok to just be alone. I think that is the key. Forgiveness and love for one's self. I love myself now. I still falter at times, but I remember that I am a good person and that I've made poor choices sometimes, but nothing that isn't so bad that I can't forgive who I am. And nothing bad enough that makes me think I can't love myself and deserve better then the pond scum that lurk out of every corner.
Bottom line: I love and respect myself enough to know now that: I rather be alone, then to be with someone that is wrong and bad for me, just because I feel I can't be alone.
Ok, obviously, you can tell in my emails, I'm a little hardcore sometimes, but realistically, can I just say something here that sounds REALLY awful? (sorry Mark):
This is something that I have been recently really thinking about:
Women out live men. Period. At some point, even if I find the man of my dreams, it's pretty much a high risk that he'll go before I do. And that in most retirement homes, etc. the pickings ARE extremely slim. That the older we get, the more scarce they get.
Again, sorry Mark. SO. It's a sad thing. I'm sorry it is, but I have now learned to look forward to what I'm going to do if I DON'T find a man. Or what I'm going to do when I do find one, but he leaves this awesome world before me.
I think of all my girlfriends, the one's that are all single or at some point will become single. I think of how I cna't wait to eat coffee and cake with them. Play cards, talk crap and enjoy getting old together. Maybe even rent or buy a huge place so we can watch out for each other. That is what I think about now.
I know I'm still young, but my whole point is, I will have to face the fact that I might die without a partner at my side. Either because I never found Mr. Right or because Mr. Right passed before me.
Either way, my cards tell me that I will live my life very fulfilled either way: with or without a man, because I choose to enjoy every day that I have on this awesome planet.
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW how hard it is. It's kind of the thing I was trying to explain to Trauma (Laurie) the last two days. My advice may have sounded harsh, but I know exactly how she feels and what she's going through. No different from what you are going through or what I went through. I might sound really negative and pessimistic at times now, but it's not meant that way. I believe in all the awesomeness of finding the right guy(and how giddy you feel when you did). I believe that certain someone is out there for all of us. I believe that there is a good and bad timing for that too.
But I also believe:
That we are often covered in blinds That we don't allow ourselves to heal That we jump to quickly and trust too quickly because we think we HAVE to That we beat each other up to much about not being relationship material or failing in our marriages That we don't value ourselves enough That we sometimes reveal or give to quickly (sexually speaking)
So anyway, I'm a sinner for it all. I am not without. I'm definitely not holier then thou. I am me and I may make more mistakes down the line, but I am at least stopping to reflect, heal, learn and forgive myself.
Cat..the best line of advise i ever got was from my best friends mom b-4 she passed...she looked at me and said "as long as you remember men are just dessert you will be just fine" Could explain why im always dieting though ;0)
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day by day...thats as much as I can say really. Im as guilty as you but im getting to enjoy alone time and now i dont want to compromise what i know i deserve for what i think i want. Does that make sense? I hope so because its sort of become my mantra...again i could be way off base but again i go one day at a time. I wont give up knowing its out there, maybe not today or tomorrow but at some point.
Hang in there...M
I can't tell you what happened with me. Maybe, I just grew up. The reason I say that, is when I was younger, my girlfriend who was then 37 (the age I am now), said, once you hit my age, you'll grow up and the drama you are experiencing, the lonliness of HAVING to have one, etc, will all go away. Suddenly, it'll be natural to be alone and hang out with your friends and just date someone for the pure enjoyment of having a good time, not NEEDING the relationship.
I HAD to date to have a relationship. They were all bad, but I felt like I NEEDED to have someone in my life regardless. OMG, the DRAMA was endless... I could write books that would make your skin crawl. I have always had hobbies, friends, school, career and things to keep me over busy. but always needed a relationship. I felt I needed to fill something that I alone couldn't. But in the last year, I feel so different. I don't know what happened.
This year, I dated a few people I REALLY liked and when it didn't work out, I coccooned (spelled wrong) myself. During this time, I reflect, look at what went wrong, look at MYSELF first to see where I went wrong and some of the things that I over looked or maybe should not have reacted too. Each time, I grow, I heal, I let myself be ok to be alone. Something I thought I could never do.
I stopped seeing the last guy 6 weeks ago. I'm totally ok with it. I haven't dated or seeked to date anyone else and that guy was only a two week thing. But, I liked him and he came closer to being the guy I wanted in my life. However, no cigar, but it WILL come; in time. I am more confident that the right one will come along, I just can't force it and I have to be ok, to be alone.
Again, I don't know where it suddenly became ok, but my girlfriend was right. She went through all the things I did and you know what? She is now happily married to the right one that she found in her 40's. It wouldn't have happened, if she didn't feel ok to just be alone. I think that is the key. Forgiveness and love for one's self. I love myself now. I still falter at times, but I remember that I am a good person and that I've made poor choices sometimes, but nothing that isn't so bad that I can't forgive who I am. And nothing bad enough that makes me think I can't love myself and deserve better then the pond scum that lurk out of every corner.
Bottom line: I love and respect myself enough to know now that: I rather be alone, then to be with someone that is wrong and bad for me, just because I feel I can't be alone.
Good point, Cat.
OP has everything going for her PLUS she's cute!! Why wait for Mr. commitment-phobe?
I've been there, long ago. It can happen, you can
Cat- you totally made my day with the knockout comment!
Ok, obviously, you can tell in my emails, I'm a little hardcore sometimes, but realistically, can I just say something here that sounds REALLY awful? (sorry Mark):
This is something that I have been recently really thinking about:
Women out live men. Period. At some point, even if I find the man of my dreams, it's pretty much a high risk that he'll go before I do. And that in most retirement homes, etc. the pickings ARE extremely slim. That the older we get, the more scarce they get.
Again, sorry Mark. SO. It's a sad thing. I'm sorry it is, but I have now learned to look forward to what I'm going to do if I DON'T find a man. Or what I'm going to do when I do find one, but he leaves this awesome world before me.
I think of all my girlfriends, the one's that are all single or at some point will become single. I think of how I cna't wait to eat coffee and cake with them. Play cards, talk crap and enjoy getting old together. Maybe even rent or buy a huge place so we can watch out for each other. That is what I think about now.
I know I'm still young, but my whole point is, I will have to face the fact that I might die without a partner at my side. Either because I never found Mr. Right or because Mr. Right passed before me.
Either way, my cards tell me that I will live my life very fulfilled either way: with or without a man, because I choose to enjoy every day that I have on this awesome planet.
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW how hard it is. It's kind of the thing I was trying to explain to Trauma (Laurie) the last two days. My advice may have sounded harsh, but I know exactly how she feels and what she's going through. No different from what you are going through or what I went through. I might sound really negative and pessimistic at times now, but it's not meant that way.
I believe in all the awesomeness of finding the right guy(and how giddy you feel when you did).
I believe that certain someone is out there for all of us.
I believe that there is a good and bad timing for that too.
But I also believe:
That we are often covered in blinds
That we don't allow ourselves to heal
That we jump to quickly and trust too quickly because we think we HAVE to
That we beat each other up to much about not being relationship material or failing in our marriages
That we don't value ourselves enough
That we sometimes reveal or give to quickly (sexually speaking)
So anyway, I'm a sinner for it all. I am not without. I'm definitely not holier then thou.
I am me and I may make more mistakes down the line, but I am at least stopping to reflect, heal, learn and forgive myself.
Cat..the best line of advise i ever got was from my best friends mom b-4 she passed...she looked at me and said "as long as you remember men are just dessert you will be just fine" Could explain why im always dieting though ;0)
BUT WHO DOESN'T LOVE DESSERT???
Although, only living on Dessert is unhealthy and eventually I'd get sick of that too. LOL
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