Boys, Cars, Work.. Ex, random post...
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| Thu, 12-04-2008 - 2:00pm |
Ok lets start with the ex. As the girls and I were shopping for his xmas present (yes we buy "from the kids" for bdays, xmas, mother's day, and father's day) I realized that I'm still desperatly trying to please and get praise/approval from my ex. I was so obsessed with getting him this fabulous gift, and I found a great thoughtful and perfect gift I was so proud of myself. WAY to proud of myself.. I was like wait, why is this such a big deal to me? Ya know?
Next.. I had my 1 yr. performance evaluation and the Nurse Mgr. that gave me my review.. well, we're all supposed to meet up (several of us at work) Saturday night. I said to her before the review.. "Sure you don't want to wait till Saturday and get me liquored up before giving me all the bad news" we both laughed but then she said very seriously to me.. "Michelle, why are you so hard on yourself? You are so hard on yourself, and you have a great review, with great peer reviews" (I have 3 random peer's that were chosen to review me and remain anonymous).
So I'm having another lightbulb moment that maybe I really should seriously look into therapy. I think it just all goes back to my marriage.. the wanting to please yet never being good enough stuff. I'm rather disapointed with myself over it all.. but I have no clue how to stop it.
Ok so on to cars. Ya know.. it must be nice to be so la-de-da when it comes to cars LOL. Irish and his 47 cars.. oh sigh. Well, we discovered that I have bent the frame in my car that I bought back in June. I got a great deal on it, and its a nice looking car but I think its just to big for me. I've never been in a wreck before or anything, or hit another car. However, since June I have backed into two cars, and scraped out the underside of it.. in turn bending my frame. I'm just ready to give up on it.. its going to cost way to much to fix at this point. So lol... Irish offeres me three cars of his to just come and take whichever one I want. I'm like uhh.. ok lol. I turned him down on that just because they were older cars and I need to get something more reliable free or not. (They're like 1994'ish Mercury / Ford I think?). So last week I get a msg that he found me the perfect car.. and it was only 1500.00. From what he told me it was a GREAT deal.. and considering that he's mister car man I trust his judgement. So I told him ya know thats great, thanks for looking out for me but I don't have 1500.00 expecially at xmas. So today I wake up to a msg of.. "Hey this car is still available for 1500.00, do you still want it?"
Now, question is... 1) He could be hard headed in understanding that I do not have 1500.00 to pull out of my pants here lol. or 2) He thinks I'm just going to pay him back in time.. make payments. or 3) I'm not seeing Irish as the type to just buy it.. not at this point. He's way to much of a tight wad to blow 1500.00 LOL.. I know that! So anyway.. would this be weird if he bought it and I paid him back? I don't know how comfortable I'd be with that. I know even w/my bent frame I can get close to 1k with my car so once its sold a huge chunk will be paid back.
I have issues with people doing large favors like that.. I just am kinda uncomfortable. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what he's getting at with still talking about this car.
Oh, and our Saturday night date update. OMG.. its going to turn into one of the best dates ever you guys LOL. He's not feeling well, he has my cold,, and I'm still in a sick funk. So we have decided to have a sick date. He's bringing his ps3 to the house, I'm making homemade soup and we're just gonna hang! We're calling it our sick date.. I'm trying to get the tree up and the house decorated so we can have some nice atmosphere.
And OMG I am rambling big time!

OK Get ready Michelle...because I am *thunking" you with LCs pink puffy slipper upside the head. I'm doing it out of love to get you to stop the thoughts about impressing your ex. There is no reason at all to impress him. What I have learned about obsessive thoughts is that you need to stop them by verbally saying the logical truth out loud or writing it down and then your mind will learn to believe what you say/write. So say it out loud or write it.
On the car, do you think you could get a $1500 car loan?
I dont like accepting large favors from people either. It sets up a feeling of indebtness. I hate owing money or favors to others.
Hope you feel better soon.
Laurie
I would NOT take ANY money from him.
Yah, I don't get a bad vibe from him.. he really is showing himself to be an awesome person so far. But yah.. there's something there with him just going all out for women... like above and beyond. I dunno what it is.. thats what dating is for though right? Figure it all out I guess haha. The come pick out a car thing cracked me up though.. but its really awesome knowing that if my engine blew tomorrow I have a great friend like him to help me out at least temporarily.
I did get my performance evaluation today.. and ok.. BREATHE!! haha. My peer reviews all pretty much said that I do my job satisfactory. However, my attitude, commitment to patient care, communication, and observations were graded excellent. And that just made me feel so damn good! See, when I started this job I was the least experienced, and way under experienced than the job requested. I was hired because of my experience with children. So I told myself on day one... regardless of how much experience I have I will do my job with a positive attitude and a smile at all times. I'm really happy to see that my performance goals from day one were noticed. YAY ME!!
Oh, and I love the idea of writing stuff down or saying it outloud. I'm going to try that. I just have this obsessiveness about me to just want to please everyone, and always feeling like I never am. It sucks! Thats why getting an appraisal like that is so huge.. tells me that I AM noticed for what I work hard to be.
Funny though because last night I got an attitude with one of the Nurses. I ALWAYS have a good attitude, smile on my face.. I get asked to do something and I just do it, never question anything. Well.. LOL last night I flung some poo. This lady comes to the front desk and she is so mad! Long story as to why but she wants to talk to the charge nurse. So they call up from the front desk and I'm sitting right there with the Charge Nurse in front of me. The sec says "There's a lady up front yada yada yada and she's tearing everyone a new one and they need the charge nurse up there right now". Charge Nurse looks at me and says "Ok, well Michelle can you go start getting their vitals and I'll be up there in a min" I was like UMM NO I will NOT go up there and get the vitals. They're pissed and you want to send ME out to the wolves? No thank you! LOL.