Help me before I go into 'B mode!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Help me before I go into 'B mode!
7
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 12:14pm

Ok, I know the forums are slow on the weekends, but I'm hoping to get some help here before I go into crazy white girl 'B mode!


I'm so flipping MAD! I told Irish from the get.. you wanna see me mad, then cancel at the last minute after I went out of my way to get childcare and choose to spend my rare free time with YOU.


So our tickets got cancelled for Saturday night that I've been planning for like 3 weeks because of him unable to be around smoke.. thats fine I'm not upset in any way over that. But then because Sat. got cancelled and it required him to get a sitter my ex-husband and I jumped through hoops to make it work for Sunday night.. tonight!


So the whole jumping through hoops thing... they were supposed to do their xmas decorating on Saturday, and the step sister was w/her dad on Sunday. They totally swapped it all around do do their xmas decorating on Sunday and took away the Dad's night with the step daughter in order to have all three kids there for tree trimming night. All of this just so I could go out with Irish.. and have our little "sick date" that we've been talking about.


So I just sent him a text msg "What time should I expect you tonight? I'm trying to plan my day". Now, remember he has the girls this weekend, and he drops them off at his x's around 5pm every Sunday. So, I get a msg back that she's being difficult and we may have to plan this for a weeknight.


OMG! I replied back that a lot of people did a lot of rearranging for tonight, and I'm not happy. I havn't heard back, I don't know if he's trying to fix things before replying, or maybe he's just mad that I'm mad.. who knows.


I'm so flipping ticked though! So now, not only do I have nothing to do tonight.. now I HAVE to drive my girls 45 mins to their dad's house because everyone is expecting them. So not only do I have to deal with that but I've also used up a precious favor from the ex.. and I don't like to ask for these favors often.


I know he's not ditching me on purpose, and I know that he wants to see me, and I know this is not his fault.. and I also accept that I do not have the whole story on his end. But GRRR.. I'm still so mad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 12:53pm

I can't offer you any thing more than hugs. Since you're trying not to be a biotch, you don't want my opinion.


=-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 1:59pm
(((hugs)))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 1:29pm

Well, he ended up coming over. He called at 5 on the dot and said "So how badly did I mess things up?" I told him I was mad, I explained why, I told him I understand its not his fault but he's going to have to be my target to vent at. He was like absolutely.. be mad at me, I'll be the target, its ok. LOL.


So at 5pm he's heading home to get in the shower, and he'll call when he's on his way. Ahem two hours later my phone rings! Grrr! Apparently a client called him and he had to stop by there on the way home. Anyway I got a little pissy again. Ok so you get the picture, he came over late, and I was pissy.


We went over to my neighbor's house who I work with. We had a few drinks and played pictionary. I think both Irish and I wanted some alone time so we left and came back to the house. We went to order Indiana Jones on the tv and we were all snuggled up but it kept bumping me out so we ended up all cuddled up watching Sci Fi.. blah!


We ended up zonking on the couch, then woke up super late and I told him to just spend the night. So yes, I know we're supposed to be cooling off but we ended up fully clothed having sleepy snuggle time in the bed. Well, during this snuggle time came some talking time that made me I dunno.. uncomfortable? Not sure if thats the right word. Well, he said after our last date he had to think long and hard if he wanted to continue seeing me. I was like HUH? Well, its because I said diabetes is strong on both sides of my family and I will eventually get it and I eat as if I am already. Apparently this caused great concern in him. Also he made a comment about "how much he's putting himself out there and dating" ugg.. don't tell me that. I know you are, I know you need to. Just chill on telling me this stuff. Granted, it went in perfect context with the subject he was speaking on.. but ya know? And he also said about how I'm so right about everything.. regarding a big split. Needing alone time, needing to date around ect. He said thats another thing that hit him on our last date because I said that was my biggest fear with him. That we will get serious and then he wakes up and realizes he needs alone time. Anyway lots of rambling.. he admitted that he was over analyzing me which makes me very uncomfortable. I asked him when will he stop and he said when I say "I do" LOL.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 1:47pm

Ugh.


I'm sorry TJ. I was an Irish fan in the beginning but the way things are panning out I think you might need to step back and realize "it is what it is". Everything he is DOING shows that he is not as invested. You are putting more effort in and he is still out there dating. That's fine...maybe he should. But I hope that you can step back and not expect him to act like he is in a committed relationship because he is rather child like in his actions and your expectations are going to be crushed over and over.


I felt angry for you when you described how you went through the hoops for him and he was so late. It shows that he is not on the same playing field as you. He is not making you a priority with those actions. Irish is showing you with his actions who he is. He words are wishy washy as are his intentions.


If you are looking for long term and committed I feel that Irish is just not there. And I am sorry to say that because I know you care for him. But at the very least, if you continue to see him, I hope you can note to yourself that he will continue to disappoint you if you have high expectations. He's simply not ready. And its not anything that you are doing right or wrong, He is just too fresh out of the marriage.


((((Hugs)))))


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 4:39pm

Yah, we just had a small talk. I asked him if he felt pressured by me and he said no, but he said he was very confused. I told him well from my end I have two choices right now.. I need to learn and figure out how to lower my expectations or let him go because we just very much are in two different places. That baffled him because he says he really wants to find the right girl and settle down again. Yah thats great, you can tell yourself that till you're blue in the face but 4mo out of a 15 year relationship? Sigh.


Lesson for everyone if you have not already learned it... great guy or not, timing is everything.


So yah.. I have two choices.. not sure which one I'll go with. If I can just keep him in casual mode.. which is fine when we're not together. But once we're together we both just start getting a little emotional and mooshy with eachother. Blah blah blah.


I'll keep ya'll updated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 4:46pm

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 8:25am

Before I would come to conclusions I would call him and talk about it while trying to keep my cool.

Laurie

anonymous