What would you make out of this??
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 12-10-2008 - 9:13pm |
Dear Board Members,
I need your advice. We went out on a first date and had a wonderful time. We had a lot of fun, and at the end we kissed. On the first date he asked me out for a second date. I said I was uncertain of my schedule, but sure I would like to.
The same night after the first date he texted me (how great the date was, sleep well, talk to you soon etc.). The next day we exchanged text-messages and he called in the evening. The next day I happened to be in town just where he lives, we met for a few hours and talked, had a great time. He texted me the same night. He seemed to be really into me, very enthusiastic about how well we get along in terms of taste, sense of humor, political views etc.
We have been texting/talking on the phone until our third date came. It was very nice and romantic, dinner etc. After that we went up to his place where we talked a lot about common interests, he showed me his work, he played me music etc. We ended up in bed making out for several hours. He seemed to be reluctant to have sex, of course I did not pressure it at all, as I was in no rush either. After several hours of kissing and cuddling we really got a point where we got really excited, and he asked if I wanted to do it, it is up to me, he does not want to force it. I said yes (I have not been with a man in quite a while and it just felt right). It was really nice, and we slept together afterward.
The next morning we hugged, cuddled, talked a lot about all kinds of things for hours.We had fun. I thought we were going to have sex, but when things started to heat up, he told me he wants to take it slow because of some bad experiences he has had (he did not want to elaborate on that..). So we ended up talking, having a nice time etc. When I left, he told me he would call me next week.
The very next day he called, he sounded very nice and enthusiastic. He even said to tickle my daughter on his behalf (they never met).However, here is my question mark; he did not ask me out on a date, or set up any plans with me. We hung up saying “talk to you soon”. I did not want to ask him when we would meet because I wanted to give him some room.
However I am very puzzled by his behavior. Since this phone call two days went by and no calls no text messages… I know two days is not a lot, but it is just strange, given that ever since our first date we have literally been in daily contact. (I did not text or call him since he called because I want to give him room).
I don’t understand what happened. If he is not into me anymore, why did he call the next day? But since he called why did not he ask me out on a date or try to make any plans with me? Why did he “disappear” since then?? Does he just need a few days, or is he not into me anymore? How long should I wait before I call him?
He seems like a very sweet, genuine, big-hearted guy, not a player… I am not sure what to make of this! Please advise, an outsider can see this more objectively than I! Thank you in advance!
PS.: Conservative people with lectures or scolding on how I should not have slept with him on the third date etc. please spare yourself your time.. Thanks.

Pages
C-
Hi,
Thanks for your reply. My daughter is almost two years and I have been single for about 8 months now.
As for the player thing - if he is one why would he NOT want to have sex with me the next day we wake up (even though physiologically he was more than ready..)? He said he wanted to take it slow as he was hurt in the past... Why would he spend the day talking instead, he could have just "used" me one last time..
And then we say goodbye by saying "talk to you next week" and he calls the very next day. If he does not want anything, why would he call me the next day?
Besides he even gave me his home-phone number.. Maybe he really just needs some space..?
I dont know... :-(
Oh…I’m not saying this guy is a player.
Hi Clarissa..
Well, his actions are puzzling but at the same time, I've heard this many times before from many others. I would not write him off just yet. There is a "man syndrome" that some men get right after intimacy. They freak out a little bit and pull away. With time and space he will come back if he is not paying you or disinterested.
I would recommend that you wait today out then either this evening or tomorrow
I 100% agree with Pac on this!
wait it out.. and when you do decide to send a text... like Pac said, make it encouraging and nice. like,
Hi Girls,
Thanks so much for all your input! This is my most puzzling dating experience ever, even though I have been dating a lot, for a good 13 years now..
So he did not call since monday, I called him and left a brief message over the week-end and wrote him a short email on a website we are both on (saying I had a good time with him and was wondering how he was doing).
So I gave him about 6 days worth of "space", let him know I liked him, but did not ask for a date or did not ask him on why he dissappeared.. I figured my message this way is not too "threatening" or clingy, but still expressive that I am wondering what is going on with him.
This reminds me a bit of that Sex and the City episode where a guy does not call back Miranda after a few wonderful dates and showing extreme interest. (Miranda then gets enraged and tired of disappearing guys and decides to call him and tell him off - after she curses on the phone for a half hour turns out she was talking to the guy's mother all along - the guy did not call because he died.. lol :-).
We have had about 4 dates and he really seemed to be one of the sweetest and most genuine/decent guys. He seemed to be a deeply caring, honest, humane guy. I just cant make any sense out of this. Why cant he at least send a fake text message , saying he will be extremely busy etc?? Why did he even call me on Monday??
THere is one more thing that occured to me that might be a reason for his behavior.. When we slept together, we had a VERY long foreplay (not that there is anything wrong with that.. :-) but it seemed like he was kind of reluctant to finally get to the act(not like I forced him or anything)even though he was physically more than ready. Sorry for TMI, but during sex he seemed (or rather felt..lol) to have some erectile problems. Eventually (before the situation got too "soft" to continue..) I satisfied him orally.
The next morning he was hugging and kissing etc., seemed like he wanted to do it, but then when I was turned on too, he kind of stopped and said its too fast he has had some bad experiences in the past that he does not want to talk about right now etc. (it was almost like a boy version of a "tease"). That was fine with me, so we just spent the rest of the morning having fun, talking etc.
But why would he call me the next day, and then why would he dissapear?? Any inputs based on this new info? THanks ladies and I hope you are all having a great week-end!
All you can do is wait and see what happens.
Although, if he was having "problems" then it could be that he's embarrassed :(
I doubt it's anything to do with YOU!
Pages