How do I get past this

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
How do I get past this
13
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 11:49pm

I think that I have mentioned that CK has a female friend here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 7:26am

I understand exactly how you feel and would feel the same or similar. EMT has a bunch of female friends and is friends with his ex wife and ex girlfriend and I just dont want to be part of it. But recently I had to for him. He invited me to his work Christmas party. It was a dinner with a bunch of people I didnt know. Not my sort of thing. But I had to suck it up and go and be happy about it for EMT.


So my advice is to just suck it up (sorry I cant think of anything more gentle to say) and spend Christmas with him and his friend. For all you know you and her might hit it off and get along really well. This could be an opportunity for a new friendship. But at any rate it sounds important to him so for him and your relationship I would just do it and try to have a good attitude about it.


Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 7:50am

Please note:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 11:58am

We have already met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 12:13pm
well....just to be ultra clear - I am not PMSing. LOL Maybe we should have Pac do a menstrual board calendar so we can track each other and know if that enters into the equations at all? :)
I think that everyone has a responsibility to create new memories and have some couple time in a realtionship around the holidays. This IS generally going to mess around with some of the other traditions you are used to but that comes with the territory and joy and ( darn it!) privilege of being in love with someone and having that in your life. You have to scoot other stuff around so I dont see why he isnt totally happy ( giddy even) to do that for you, plural. I understand that he has this important friendship and I would be feeling the same way you do about it. I think your suggestion about him seeing her on Christmas evening after you have had your together time is great. Anything else I would be upset with honestly. He should be excited thrilled and involved in forming new memories with YOU this Christmas. JMHO obviously but if someone hangs on too tight to every other tradition that they are used to and doesnt make room for new ones what kind of message does that send you? It would make me think they didnt really appreciate how special and wonderful it was for them to have met ME and have US in their life. Think of how many people are just craving love and their mystery special someone that they havent met yet each holiday season? We have all been there and some still are of course - I myself have spent quite a few Christmases with my son single and kind of teary daydreaming what it would be like to have a true love back in our lives again for the holidays and now that we have that, if he insisted on keeping all old traditions and just wanted me to tag along while he visited friends and siblings, I would freak out honestly. There needs to be some couple time to make room for the creation of new traditions as far as I am concerned.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 12:31pm
I appreciate you opinion and tend to agree with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 12:39pm
OK well that sounds a ton better than what I felt when reading the original post. And I know how happy you guys are. I just dont think you should ever feel guilty for wanting or needing the together time over time with friends or family. As long as there is a good balance, everything is possible! I love the fact that he is decorating for the first time. That really shows how happy he is this season and I am sure a lot of that is linked to you!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 12:47pm
My main concern was/is? when the three of us are together that there will be their own remembrances of Christmas past, and feeling left out as they fall into a routine from other years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 12:57pm

Hats off to you, SweetK for being understanding to CK in his wating to include S. To be totally honest, I don't know if I would be so understanding and compromising. I would tend to want to have my bf all to myself (selfish, right?) or at least only with friends and familiy that we have in common. I guess that the part that would annoy me would be that she is single and they share a history that you were not in. Its sweet that he wants make this all about the two of you and the present. But I don't see how thats possible when she will be there. Sorry- I wish I was more encouraging. I just know how

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 12:57pm
I think you are right that you will have to give the benefit of the doubt on that one. Believe me, SYB has a ton of old friends who come visit (one came this weekend and a day early) and I have learned to just breathe and participate in the fun and when private jokes and history start to rule the humor, I take some time to go get drinks or do something else that needs to be done because I figure we all have friendships like that and even if i cant catch up, I can appreciate the history and enjoy how happy it makes them/him.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 1:11pm
Honestly, I would love to be selfish about this, but I also realize that my relationship with Ck would be harmed by this.

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