so I'm willing to concede I overreacted. I understand what you're saying
OK...Good. This is what I take from his words. This is good. Sometimes it take a lot for someone to admit when they were wrong. I really see his email note to you just that- he finally sees it and is admitting it. Take this as good news. And tell him tonight (or next time you see him) that you very much appreciate his willingness to see your side and compromise. From my own expreiance, guys need to be told when they do something right-- so pull that little admission/appology out of all of that mess and make that the focus and move forward.
I also find that if you focus on the good (his new willingness to see your point) then he will be more willing to continue the good. In other words at this point don't keep hashing
S is lucky to have a woman like you who is willing to continue communication until you BOTH feel heard, validated and find a solution to the problem together.
I think he needs to understand that the Christmas thing is NOT about the friend at all SPECIFICALLY- that you would've felt the same with ANY FRIEND of his: male or female. The issue was time spent together and feeling backed into a corner to say "yes, let's have Friend over..."
I think you are smart to tread carefully but I'm happy for you that things are going better. I am sure you have heaved a nice sigh of relief. You are still getting to really know one another inside of conflict and misunderstanding and that is tough! I have forgotten how long you guys have been together but SYB and I are going on three years now and I think the key for us in misunderstandings and trampling of feelings is resilience. I know he doesnt mean to trample my feelings and he knows I dont meant to hurt his. We try to be considerate of each other but now that we are living with one another sometimes we screw up a little and have to dance around each other a bit. Last Saturday we had a tense conversation somehow where he said something that made me bristle and then ding dong his friend from out of town arrived right as things were about to get defensive and heated. I was exasperated but we let it go, enjoyed his friend and then talked about it a few hours later and cleared it up. It was a good exercise for us even though we didnt mean for it to be! I hope things feel better and better for you guys as you approach the holidays.
so I'm willing to concede I overreacted. I understand what you're saying
OK...Good. This is what I take from his words. This is good. Sometimes it take a lot for someone to admit when they were wrong. I really see his email note to you just that- he finally sees it and is admitting it. Take this as good news. And tell him tonight (or next time you see him) that you very much appreciate his willingness to see your side and compromise. From my own expreiance, guys need to be told when they do something right-- so pull that little admission/appology out of all of that mess and make that the focus and move forward.
I also find that if you focus on the good (his new willingness to see your point) then he will be more willing to continue the good. In other words at this point don't keep hashing
I was definitely pleased by his response.
S is lucky to have a woman like you who is willing to continue communication until you BOTH feel heard, validated and find a solution to the problem together.
I think he needs to understand that the Christmas thing is NOT about the friend at all SPECIFICALLY- that you would've felt the same with ANY FRIEND of his: male or female. The issue was time spent together and feeling backed into a corner to say "yes, let's have Friend over..."
Keep us posted.
Yep. BTDT and lived to tell about it ;o)
I hope things feel better and better for you guys as you approach the holidays.
Thanks City.
I totally agree with you on having others respect one's feelings.
You know Mark, I think as a mom, I have always put everyone elses feelings ahead of mine.