Newbie Question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Newbie Question...
7
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 10:23am

Hey everyone,


My name is Giana, I am 26, single mom to a 6 YO boy. I recently ended an engagement due to some issues we had and I had a question: As a single mom, how do you get over a breakup? I know you need time for yourself, but my family isn't really helpful when it comes to babysitting. I had to move back home so I can save up money to move so its really difficult to adjust with living with my parents again plus getting over this.


Plus, I have to still be a mom! My son is constantly needing my attention, and while I love him more than anything in the world, I haven't had time to reflect sulk, or even shed a tear. I know that sounds great, but I would just like at least an hour to just grieve so I can put this behind me. One minute I had a fiance, future stepchildren, family, home, the next minute, I am at mom and dads.


So, any suggestions as to what I can do? Any tips would be helpful. Thanks in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 10:42am

Hi Giana, and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 12:52pm

Welcome, Giana..


I am sorry for your recent loss. It must be shell shock to go from that kind of happy to begining over again. My advice would be to make yourself and your son a priority. For you, find an hour a day for yourself. That could be for a walk, an excersize group, to be with a friend, or to just reflect. Do something to nurture yourself and don't sacrifice that hour. Think of all you do for everyone else. Don't you deserve at least an hour a day?


I know its hard to live with the folks again. Just stay positive that you will be on your own feet again. Be stong and independant as a mom to your son, making your own decisions.


Hang in there, and it will get better :o)


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 4:18pm

Thank you for the replies!


I truly want to move forward, but I know I can't be the best mom I can when I have so many thoughts clouding my mind. Unfortunately, none of my friends have children so I can't do drops offs or swaps. Its hard, but I am optimistic that I can make it through and I look forward to the happiness and excitement the New Year will bring. I see how supportive the parents on this board are and just wanted to share my story and gain insight.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 4:32pm
This might sounds silly but I went through a breakup when my son was smaller and didnt have a lot of people to help with him. I ended up joining a gym that had childcare and taking a yoga class there. it was not expensive to do really on the whole scheme of things and certainly cheaper than a sitter. He liked the kids there and I got to vent out my frustration through exercise and always felt better. They had a steam room that I loved and a pool which felt wonderful also. I just had so many emotions at the time and like you, felt I had entered another chapter but was wrong. It was a rough few months where most of my healing happened on my own during that hour each day and he was none the wiser.
Welcome to the board by the way - you will get tons of support here!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 5:15pm
First welcome, the ladies on this board are wonderful and really helpful.
I went through a bad break up a few years ago. I did not have much family support and I was on my own with a special needs child. Sheesh did I get burned out. Then I started getting up an hour before my little one. I would sit and journal, write poetry, read, yes even cry. The tears lasted a few mornings and then I just enjoyed the solitude and quiet of the early morning all to myself. Its been a few years and I still do it, not much intrudes on it.
Best of luck
Simply
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 11:10pm

Hugs & Welcome. I cant really

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 6:54pm

Giana,


Welcome! Boy can I relate. I was a single mom at that age struggling to raise a 1 year old by myself. Only difference was I didnt have my parents nearby to help out. I was in the navy and stationed on an island on the other side of the country from my family. But you know what...I loved that part of my life the most. Now at 46 I look back on those days with great fondness. I didnt have a boyfriend or husband my daughter and I struggled financially. But I dont remember it like that. I remember having her and our health, a good friend and suport system and a wonderful state to live in (Hawaii). Nearly everything we owned was used bought at a thrift store. Now I am 20 years older and earn good money but I would give it all up in an instant to go back to those days.


So my point being dont think too hard on what you dont have (fiance, money) but think a lot about what you do have (family, your son) and remember that you will be stronger and wiser for the trials you go through now.


If I had a chance to go back to those good ole days the

anonymous