Pushy hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Pushy hubby
12
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 12:04pm
Does anyone else have this problem or feel this way? Sometimes when we three(Dh Lover and I) get together, my DH will push me towards my lover or "advertise me" in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. Lover and I have talked about it and he said he can tell when I am uncomfortable and will not do anything to make it worse. I feel comfortable when I take the lead...not when Dh tells me to do something or pushes me into it when I am not ready. Dh and I have talked about it and I told him how I feel, but somehow in his over zealous excitment he keeps doing it. Should I just go with the flow and accept it as part of what we are doing or keep trying to tell DH how I feel?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 12:13pm
I think you should talk to dh about how you feel....I'm sure he will understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 12:28pm
I have told DH how I feel, he just gets too excited!! Lover said that when I am uncomfortable it makes him feel uncomfortable. Sometimes the things DH says is almost disrespectful of me, and even Lover agreed with that, he said that sometimes my DH treats me like a toy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 12:55pm
You need to let him know that your his partner not his possession and that his attitude is makeing the situation uncomfortable. If he continues I would consider seeing your lover alone for a while.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 12:55pm
Have you tried talking to him directly after an incident (once you are finished) This way you can give examples...or maybe come back at him during...and in some hot way tell him you want to be in control tonite?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 3:37pm

You probably wont agree with this but this is my take. I would say hold off on the lover for awhile. You are your own person of course but for me personally, if there is a problem with the 3 of us, I get rid of the third, work things out between the two of us, then pick up another third party later. The third person is expendable anyways.

To me, it seems like your husband gets aroused when he is pushing you, being dirty, and being a little bit in control. You get aroused most when you are in control with your lover and your husband. Well, those are two different paths to sexual gratification, and that isnt good. Maybe your husband isnt telling you this, but maybe his pushing you a little, being dirty is probably what REALLY gets him off. If that is the case, that might be a major thing he gets out of the third party. If he cant have that, then maybe you guys should reevaluate a little.

I dont think it is a good idea to just see the third party alone for awhile in my opinion. If times are GOOD and you BOTH agree to change the circumstances, then that is fine. If YOU suggest changing the circumstances becasue YOU feel uncomfortable with your husband around, that could get hairy. Just my opinion though. Ask him why he does it? Ask him if it is a central point of arousal? Really tell him that if he continues to do that, then you wont be able to continue. Ask him his response to that. I really wouldnt keep doing this 5 more times and trying to see if he changes on the fly. Just my opinion though.

Anyhow. I think it would be 10 times easier for you and your husband to talk and really iron out everything if the third party is out of the equation.

Sorry if that offended you.




Edited 4/21/2006 3:41 pm ET by curiousgeroge
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 4:09pm
You should stop EVERYTHING next time your DH does this to you. Next time he pushes you, just put the brakes on and tell him, "No. This is exactly what I was trying to tell you about. Don't push me like this. I don't like it." Make sure your DH understands that it is *exactly* that behavior that upsets you. If you wait until after the festivities are over, your DH may or may not actually take it to heart. Stop him dead in his tracks next time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 5:16pm

I totally agree, and was about to say the same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 7:35pm

Totally agree. If it happens, stop right there and address it. And perhaps your lover could step in and back you up by saying that it makes him uncomfortable to see you uncomfortable.

If that doesn't work, tie him to a chair so he can't touch you lol. Then you'll definitely have control of the situation!

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2001
In reply to: onehotmama66
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 8:11pm

I am surprised and somewhat disappointed that no one has thought about finding out what is behind your DH's controlling behavior. I suspect that he may be having subconcious problems with sharing you in this manner and if he is in control then he does not suffer from the insecurity.

Curiousgeorge offers excellent advice in suggesting that the two of you concentrate on each other while you get to the bottom of this situation and work out a solution to the problem. Sharing a love partner is not always as easy as even some people in the lifestyle like to make it out to be. The conflict that is currently going on WILL damage your marriage if it is not resolved.

Contrary to other suggestions unless you are in a total D/S relationship, he is not a dog to be trained just as you are not a show dog to be put through her paces. You are both feeling human beings with the normal list of foibles. You have a commitment to each other that must either be honored or you need to get out of it for the sake of sanity for both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
In reply to: onehotmama66
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 8:41pm
I know he isn't having problems sharing, he wants to share me too much when we are together!! He'll keep offering without asking me or even talking to me about it at all. He'll say things like "how bout another round" and grab at me or something that tends to make me feel cheap, I am not in this to be cheap and sleazy...I simply enjoy giving pleasure to my two guys. The only two guys that are important to me. (besides my son and my dad) lol
I cannot get rid of my lover or "our third wheel" he is the only one I would have and I know our time grows short, and I want it to be a better experience than Dh is making it.
Thanks everyone for your responses, you all seem to be right in some way...I will think on the answers awhile and tell you what happens.

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