Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Update
18
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:04am

So after three days of arguing, which involved him asking questions about why I had posted the story, only for him to blow his top again when he found out there was another one on there, I smoothed things over when he calmed down. We talked about what we wanted from the relationship, and I told him that he should think about all the things that make him unhappy and cause him to blow his top, and then we would sit down and work out a compromise. As he found out, the things we want from the relationship are the same, and I made him see that while he thinks that I don't understand him at times, he also doesn't understand me at times.

I got it through to him that just because I write things on here, it doesn't reflect on how I feel about our relationship, and that I'm not thinking of (or comparing) past experiences with other men. I told him that I have a past, and even though he doesn't want to think about it, it's my past, not his, and that I'm not going to deny it if people ask me about it.

I went over to see him on the Saturday before I came away, and the moment he saw me he was all smiles - even though he'd been angry with me, he'd missed me terribly. By the time he saw me again he was just so happy to see me that all his anger dissolved. At that stage he still hadn't thought about the things that we need to compromise on, and that will have to be sorted out when I get back. But after spending a couple of hours just talking and reconnecting (and him kissing my neck and turning me on) we had hot makeup sex, which was the best we'd had in a while.

After that we had Indian for dinner, and cozied up on the couch together with the cat (who missed him terribly), before going to bed and having more sex (even tried a hot new position!). I dropped him off at home when I went to work the next afternoon, and haven't seen him because I've been away, but have been chatting on the net today. Unfortunately there's been torrential rain back home, and there is flooding through a number of towns on the way, so I might have a bit of trouble getting home for work tomorrow. Even more annoying is that it's still raining down that way, so things aren't improving!

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:17am

That's great news.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 12:52am
Wish I could, but one thing I made it clear to him was that I would never talk in detail about our sex life, because I respect him and what we have.

 


 


Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 2:51am
terrific news! make up sex is awesome


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 7:49am

that's great that you guys were able to talk it out, and you were able to help him understand that your past has nothing to do w/him and talking about it still has nothing to do w/him.

It sounds like you had an awesome time making up!!!

Be safe getting home. I hope the rain stops soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 8:25pm

You sound really happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 9:36pm

Whooo hooo Jan!


How utterly adult of you both. Can you teach us how to do that?


I'm so happy you guys figured it out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 10:26pm
Well, what are you having problems with?? I'm just very patient - learned that in my last relationship. This one's a walk in the park compared to the last one!

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
In reply to: xploziv1
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 10:43pm
As long as I'm not posting detailed stories of my past or him I'll be ok! Can't be the totally dull person participating on the Taboos board now can I?

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
In reply to: xploziv1
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 6:54am

Jan, I'd have to start paying you if I went into detail. You'd have a full time job. LOL.


Nah, really we've just kind of shut down from never seeing it each other. This teeny bit of time we do carve out gets eaten up by other responsibilites like kids. We find it hard now to keep the lines of communication open like you 2 just demonstrated. At some point I think we crossed over into the not having the emotional strength to drag it all out again. It's slowly getting better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
In reply to: xploziv1
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:51am

For several years my parents worked opposite shifts - Dad during the day, Mum at night. Seeing each other only one day a week really took it's toll on their marriage. You could see the strain between the two of them, because by the end of each week Mum was so tired from working nightshift that she didn't have the energy to drag herself out of bed early so her and Dad could go and do things.

Dad had an accident just over two years ago, and at that point they decided they needed a lifestyle change. Mum needed to get out of nightshift work anyway. They are now working and living on a cattle station (ranch). Although Mum works long hours as a cook, and they don't get to spend a lot of quality time together, they at least get to see each other during the day and talk to each other, unlike before. It made a huge change from what they had previously. If they need to see each other for any reason, they're only working a few hundred metres from each other, or at worst, if Mum is away at camp, then Dad can still go out and see her without it affecting her work. I've even found that Dad misses Mum when she's away (recently she was down for a wedding and visited me for a few days), and demands phone calls to let him know she's safe - he even rang to say he was going shooting and rang her at 3am to say he was home! Being in such a lonely place with few people, they rely on each other for support, and have become best friends all over again.

I think that any time spent together, albeit even if it is only a little bit of time each day, is better than only seeing each other once a week. I understand that you work a nightshift job, so you sometimes don't see your husband much. My partner and I have an advantage of seeing each other a lot, so we have plenty of opportunities to talk and keep the communication open. Often when you don't see each other much, you forget how to communicate with each other, and it creates a huge barrier. Eventually that person becomes a complete stranger in your own house. Knowing what it was like for my parents, I can understand how hard it is for you, especially with young children to care for as well.

From what you say, it seems like you are slowly repairing the communication in your relationship, and that's great news! Just remember that it takes time to sort out problems, and that time line gets really long if you don't have the opportunity to do so very often.

 


 


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