fine line to walk

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
fine line to walk
4
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 8:32pm

I posted this on the secrets of married sex board and the nice folk suggested I seek guidance over here.... let me know if this is unreadable and ill re-post. thanks.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsecretsofm&msg=8686.1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 8:39pm
I think something like this will need to be discussed person to person instead of via email. I know it's easy to hide behind the computer to ask the questions so you don't have to see there response...but when you talking about going in this direction I would think it best. I ask DW questions via email as well but if it's serious talk about our sex life and changes to it I find it best to do face to face. Just my 2 cents
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 8:50pm

My DH and I prefer to communicate via email, we can have our initial reactions and "wtf"s and everything privately, then come back to the discussion thinking a little more clearly... in person, I interpret every expression or gesture as a comment, so emailing and IMing works for us. If that is true for you as well, then by all means, communicate about it in any way that you are both comfortable.

I had to ask my DH a very difficult question- similar but different from what you are going through. All he said was, "let me think about it," and we didn't mention it again for two weeks. His final answer was a "yes" (the answer I'd hoped for), but there was no final decision until three weeks after I'd initially asked. He needed time to work through his thoughts, and I think that if I had hounded him (or if he even just FELT like I was hounding him), the end result could have been very different.

I would recommend that you let your wife know- in email or in person- that you will be ready to listen any time she wants to talk, and that until then, you will ask her how things are going maybe once a week or once every two weeks..... Give her all kinds of space. Otherwise she may rebel, if she's anything at all like my husband. :-)


"Infants have their infancy. And adults? Adultery."
-Dr. David P. Barash and Dr. Judith Eve Lipton,
"The Myth of Monogamy"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:23pm

You need to watch

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:47pm

Hi there,


I would ask you something that somebody on the other board asked: