I Walked the fine line
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| Fri, 05-05-2006 - 2:50pm |
Before I reply to Maggie, Lawson, Jazz, Naughty and all else who passed on their knowledge, I again want to express my thanks and gratitude - although sometimes I jump a little ahead of myself, your experience helped out A LOT...
First, Jazz. Its funny you mentioned the Secretary: I bought it out on sale a few weeks back and watched it with DW a little while ago, she watched the WHOLE Movie with me, thought it was a little weird and we discussed others like it ie Sex, lies and Videotape (Saw that one in a used dvd store - might buy it) - Ive been spanking her a little bit here and there, but not much response, the occasional ouch, but not full motion away either....
Secondly, to naughty. Yes, I have similar comm problems with her like you: she works with computers, sometimes it can be days before we sit to talk / she'll have work to do on the laptop, I found a way around that one - shes in my recliner working away, Im down the hall in our office, I email her something: like suggesting about submission - nothing exact, but hinting around it. That method seems to work and she doesnt feel pressured/disturbed and I get what I want to tell her across to her. There might be some waiting time for her to mull over things, but its quicker than waiting for time for us to sit and talk.
Third, to Law, Yes, you're so right - talking about sex or other important topics should be discussed in person: provided the talker is confident! Of which I hasten to say, I am not. She had a historectomy not long ago - that was the most troublesome topic I ever had to breech in my life (not to mention, we werent even expecting that to happen - long story) Sometimes I am not 100% certain of what exactly I want to say or how to phrase it in a way that I even understand. Im sure theres lots of us out there. Thank you just the same for your helpful advice - I plan to utilize it more often (and stick my neck out) LOL
Last but not least, Maggie. First of all, Congrets on the weight issue, both of us are struggling - lost almost 50 lbs last year and fighting to lose the last 20 or so. My wife is so HOT and I know she can lose it as well, but after her surgery etc., I know its been very uphill for her.
Mag, Im not sure what degree of D/s I want or if I want it only behind closed doors - I havent done much research, but plan to. She asked if I was interested in dom/sub, she says she isnt. I wont push, but I think she has some submissive tendencies: she only shows me love in doing things for me/us, but before we married she was very sexual (I dont believe it can be taken away when you are like that before with the same person you married, I firmly beleive it can return!!!) I asked her another question about flogging to which she didnt know what I meant, but I told her and tried to explain it - she really hasnt mentioned much about it since then. I also asked her if she read erotica, same no response - I want to read it to her, but Im going to wait just a little while more.
Just one more thing Mag, both you and your DH look fantastic and again I hope you guys can keep going on your south beach!!!! GOOD LUCK.
to all: Yesterday I went out and bought a pair of handcuffs which when I think the time is right and we've talked more, I might surprise her to see the reaction, hope you all have some pertinent advice for me on this....
thanks again to all your helpful words and support....

I love the idea of flirting through IMs or email.
Debsman, as someone who indulges in this type of play, I'm gonna weigh in with the obligatory safety lecture. People can get seriously injured or even killed from bdsm play gone wrong if they don't know what they're doing, so please, please, please spend a little time on the web researching safety issues if you plan on trying bondage for real.
Be safe, and have fun.
Edited 5/5/2006 4:57 pm ET by bostonsteve
Hi debsman,
Sounds like you took a big step and opened up about your interest!
thanks to you and boststeve. I wholeheartedly agree, I probably scared her a little. She did accept that I had to risk telling her in order to progress. No, Im not in that big a hurry; in fact I know it will take TIME, and Understanding. Although I am proactive,and it may sound like I am, but, no.
I do have lots of research to do to see if I really am as interested as I think. She did ask if I was; even though she said she wasn't? (Does that mean she might consider, or want to, or worse case scenario (leave??) because I want it? - sometimes Im baffled in my lack of understanding her thinking!) OH MY, Im starting to sound like a soap opera... tune in next time to see if I know what it is i want. lol!!!
"I do have lots of research to do to see if I really am as interested as I think. She did ask if I was; even though she said she wasn't? (Does that mean she might consider, or want to, or worse case scenario (leave??) because I want it? - sometimes Im baffled in my lack of understanding her thinking!) "
We can't know what she was thinking, but if it were me, I would be asking you all kinds of questions about it to understand who you are and what makes you tick.
hey...
I've been just starting to run the shower so to speak - it seems to alter her low libido- so much so that we had sex the last 2 nights: especially last night after taking her out to dinner + some heavy begging from me...(she even wore pantyhose) I told her how sexy I knew her legs would be - forgive me if this sounds perverted, but i wanted to take her right there in the restaurant last night - it was too cozy of a place to do that in, but if the lights were more dim, who knowss???? I do know that the owner was very surprised yet, very warm to our appearance (we dressed up!), meanwhile most of the clientele were in jeans.
mmmmm what a nice evening we had!