A little off topic, need help w/a proble
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| Fri, 05-05-2006 - 8:38pm |
I've actually tried this question in the medical sections on iVillage, but didn't get any help, so I'm trying you good folks.
My dad had a saying when I was little that never seemed to make any sense to me, but now it does. He said, "what I used to do all night, now takes me all night to do".
I'm an early 50's guy that, for lack of a better term, can't hit the finish line. i.e. can't seem to orgasm. Erections arn't the problem. It's just that I keep going and going and going...until it's obvious that worn out my welcome and we need to stop.
This probably falls into the catagory of too much information, but....I do ok by myself although it does seem to take longer than when I was younger. But when I'm with my wife, it's a problem. I've even thought about taking a lover just to see if the problem is with her or me. (i.e. is it psychological resentment about her or are we not physically connecting like we used to? But, that seems like a radical way to isolate the problem)
Do any of you guys have that problem or know of anyone one that has that problem. Or do any of you women have guys with that problem? I'd sure appreciate any ideas that anyone might have.
Thanks!
Bis

Hi, Bis.
... and, what (if any) medications are you taking? Anti-depressants? Blood pressure control? Look them up here: http://www.pdrhealth.com/
Many meds can affect your ability to orgasm.
To Jazz and Lil-M
Thanks so much for taking the time to write! Jazz, thanks for taking the time to dig out those links!!
As in much of life, we frequently know the answer, but since we don't like the solution we try to search for a more palatable answer to our problem. I think my problem is mostly psychological (and a little bit of getting older). I've already gone throught the medicine list and don't see anything in the warning list that would hint at this problem.
However, after 30+ years of marriage there are some "issues". Stuff that should be little has become bigger. We'd tried counseling 8 or so months ago, but she did much of the talking and now she feels much better. Me, not so much! So, I've scheduled more sessions for just me and the hired listener. And, I want to take a full list of problems and resentments. This is certainly one of them. It's to the point now that even a look or a sigh at the wrong time infuriates me. Needless to say, when it happens in the bedroon... I can't tell you the number of time that I've initiated sex and a few minutes into it I can see that it's not going to be the pasionate engagement of two lovers that can't get enough of each other (is that too much to ask?). Rather, it's a tired wife with a sore hip that makes noises as she rolls into position and although sleepy, will attempt to participate. I guess I should be happy that she'll at least try or pretend. I've got friends who's wives that have closed up shop for good.
I guess that's my resentment, I want a pasionate, enthusiastic wife. She points out that the passion needs to start with me. And off we go...(to the therapist this time).
Anyway, thank you again for helping to point out what I suspected. I also feel better having seen all of the other possible causes and pretty much being able to check them off the list.
I'll keep you posted on the sessions!
Bis
I was in a marriage that had not even a willing to pretend wife.
I'm out of that and had found a very sexuallly active female ...now only to have it dwindle after 6 years.
I initiate with passion. she succombs, but I feel like I'm the only "active" one in the room.
When she does initiate, if you want to call it that, she says "wanna do it?" and that's it. No passion, no physical initiation, just the question, then I'm supposed to rise to the occasion. Or roll over and go to sleep. Which is what it has become worth to me lately.
Bis, I love a guy who sees a problem and is willing to go talk to someone about it.