a bad judgment call

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
a bad judgment call
10
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:42am

I really don't think this is the right board for this, so I apologise. But I don't really know who to talk to about it, and I figured here there wouldn't be as many people being harsh and critical.

So I made a really bad decision today. I'm a student. I'm poor. I answered an ad looking for a nude model. It wasn't porn, it wasn't even overly explicit. Just me prancing around a studio in the buff. But now that I did it, I feel really cheap and ashamed. I really regret it and there's nothing I can do. There's going to be naked pictures of me bouncing around the internet and I guess that's my punishment. It was not worth a cent of that money.

Plus, I kept it all from my boyfriend. He would freak and probably break up with me if he found out I did it. He's pretty traditional that way - not that I blame him. I haven't lied to him outright, but it was a lie of omission. I love him. We've been together for four years. And now the rest of my life I'm going to live in fear that he's going to stumble across the photo one day. I know someone's going to say that I ought to just fess up, but I am too afraid.

I just wish I knew how to reconcile to myself what I did. I mean, it's over. It's part of my life now. But I would give anything to have not done it and I know that I just have to accept that I made a poor decision.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Not necessarily nude modeling, but just a bad decision you made that you just had to learn to accept?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:45am

Welcome to the board, starrfyshh.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:38am
I agree w/what Jazz said. Good luck to you. Keep us posted.
Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 9:35am
you're not the first young lady to do it, nor the last.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:07pm

"Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Not necessarily nude modeling, but just a bad decision you made that you just had to learn to accept?"


Hi starrfyshh,


I haven't had the same situation you had, but yes, I've made choices that I later on wished I hadn't made.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:04pm

Everyone makes bad judgments. And/or pursues things they thought for some crazy reason would be good but turned out to be regrettable. I can't say whether or not to disclose to the bf -- it seems like there would be little upside in telling him. Lastly, take heart that there are so many pix of women on the internet that even if you took several hundred, the odds are infinitesimal of him ever running across one!

Plus, things happen for a reason. There must be *some* reason you wanted to do it. And that's OK too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 5:13pm
As a guy, if my DW came and told me she had done as you have under the same conditions, I would hug her, say that's ok and let it be done with. I'm sure that if you take your time, and make sure you get to complete your explanation before he gets to say any thing, like you did in your intro, then every thing will be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:40pm

As a poor student myself,

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:02pm
The past is the past, don't regret it or fret over it. Just think of the future and if you think it was the wrong thing to do, then don't do it again. It's really all you can do. Just don't let the past chew you up, move forward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 11:33am

Thanks for the thoughts and advice, ladies. You bring up good points.

If I were single, I would probably shrug it off really easily as a lesson learned, and even if the pictures surfaced one day, I might even be proud of it. I feel less cheap about it than I did when I posted.

But, I know my boyfriend will feel really hurt if/when I tell him. And that's what's making me feel awful. I guess I will have to tell him soon, but we're spending the summer apart due to our jobs, and it's not something I want to discuss over the phone.

I guess I have some thinking to do. Thanks again. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2006
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 2:11pm
Using bad judgment is a part of growing up and acquiring wisdom.i remember
being 18 or 19 and a girlfriend and i asked 2 younger boys to disrobe for us.
We went to a secluded barn where we told them to strip and then masturbate
for us.i believe they were probably 16 at the time...so this was definately
not a good idea.Luckily they agreed it was fun for them too.