What do you teach your kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
What do you teach your kids?
22
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 2:49am

Hi. I was just wondering, with your lifestyle and all, what do you plan to teach your kids about things like sex,porn, masturbation, etc..

One of my ex-girlfriends (I'm a lesbian), lets call her J, mother actually taught her how to masturbate when she was 16. Not just the "talk", but J actually got naked and her mom showed her where to put her fingers and how to achieve an orgasm. J's mom watched her have her first orgasm. They were pretty open about it. J's mom would sometimes masturbate with the door open. J would to. When me and J were dating her mom would actually let me sleep over, even though she probably knew if on the ocassion I did, I'd probably be having sex with J. Most people have trouble letting their heterosexual kids have sex in the house, she let her lesbian daughter do it! J was 16 when her mom started allowing this stuff. Before that they talked about it, but they never saw anything.

She even gave J a few porn videos and magazines so that she could get off whenever she wanted to. Of course she made sure it didn't become an obsession, but they were so liberal about it. Js mom told me once she didn't want her daughter to grow up thinking sex was something to be ashamed of like she did.

How sexually open are you around your kids? Would you ever masturbate in front of them? Would you let them masturbate in front of you? For those of you that have daughters would you ever teach them how to masturbate? Of course this is considering that they're old and mature enough for it to be consensual.

May sound like wierd questions but considering your open lifestyles, what would you want for your kids and what you would teach them.

Edited 5/26/2006 2:50 am ET by wildgirlss




Edited 5/26/2006 3:02 am ET by wildgirlss

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 4:19am

Hi Wildgirls

Your friend is very lucky, Im sure she is in the minority. Question for you,, how were you educated on the subject matter, and how do you intend educating your kids (assuming your every have one)

Sammy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 4:46am

Well I learned from a friend mostly. She taught me how to. We would experiment with each other often. She became my first lesbian girl friend. I don't have kids at the moment but if I did I would hope that they would feel comfortable to talk about those things around me. How about you? How do you teach your kids? How old are they?

Do you feel comfortable masturbating around them? Do they comfortable doing it around you? How open are you sexually with your kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 4:57am

I think I learned a lot from my own 'reseach' reading books etc. But masturbation came naturally. I dont have big enough kids for sex education to be an issue (still a baby) but i think i will informative with them.

To answer your question,I dont think I want to see them masturbating, or have them watch me. I see it as a private activity, n also its sometin that one shouldnt be taught,but rather learned. That way its more fun I think.

Would you have same opinion on having a mom watch or teach her son, or dad watch or demonstrate for his daughter???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 6:56am

I'm not sure. I know my dad caught me once and it was really embarrassing. I used to think it was wierd but I've kind of started to open up to the idea. Once the kids are in their late teens wouldn't it help them to see their parents masturbate, at least the parent of the same sex? Or watching children of the same sex seeing if their doing it right.

They would see its not something to be ashamed of. I'm not so sure about doing it in front of a parent of the opposite sex or watching them do it. It might bring up guilty feelings.

I'm wondering if anyone else on this board has any experience in this area? Or at least an opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:10am
You mention that you need someone to see if they doing it right? Would you say theres a wrong and right way to masturbate?? If you were to keep it only on same sex viewing / teaching, then wouldnt some of the sibbling feel left out?
Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:12am
As a parent, your friend's story makes me really uncomfortable.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:36am
Feeling left out? Thanks for the sarcasm but I was actually asking a serious question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:43am

Well thats true that would probably not be looked up upon by others and probably make Social Services worried. She was 16 when it started and shes over 18 now. Of course it would be inappropriate for pre-teens or early teens. But what about late-teens or once they've crossed 18? They're pretty open around each other. They see each other naked while changing clothes and are not uncomfortable with their nudity.

If your children were over 18 would your opinion change then? Would you mind seeing your kids,of the same and opposite sex, masturbate or them seeing you? So you would let your daughters find out for themself? How would you teach them?

Also what do you think about the giving of a few porn? Would you do that for your kids?




Edited 5/26/2006 8:46 am ET by wildgirlss
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:44am
BTW could you give me the links to the other threads where this issue has come up. I'd be interested to read what other peoples opinions on this are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:45am

I wasnt being sarcastic at all. In my experience, moms are much more open with the kids then dads (this is from my experience). I would hate know that my sisters were getting 'special' time with mom, that i was not. Is it making sense?

Also, you mention the age group being late teens. From most of the posts I have read, most late teens are sexually active, engaging in intercourse, or at least oral by then.
Would you see value in this being either demonstrated to the teens by the parents or taught in detail how to do it. (as opposed to high level guidelines around STD's and contraception)

Sammy

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