video ing our sex act

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
video ing our sex act
5
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:41am

The man in my life for the last 8 months enjoys video taping our sex acts and also taking pictures of all kinds during our sexual tryst. He has video'd about 3 times and has taken numerous pictures of both just me and also sexual acts. This was fine in the beginning but lately I have a really uncomfortable feeling doing this. I have expressed this to him but he assures me (thinks he does, anyway) that no one will see them but him. I still feel very uncomfortable.

When I ask for them back, he just says we can burn them but never find the time to actually do it. We live in a really small know every one town.

Not sure if the age matters but just for the record, he just turned 59 and I will soon be 57. We are both "not so bad to look at!!" I would hate to think these could get in the wrong hands.

Any suggestions/ideas/ thoughts!!
Thanks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 1:01am
I would feel better if they were in my control. DW and I taped ourselves and watched it back serveral times. However we forgot to remove the tape from the camcorder and her parents borrowed the camcorder. Lets just say all of us were a little embarrased when they returned the camcorder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 1:14am

OMG!! That is a scary thought.

I need to add that I think that he has done this with all his previous girl friends.
I think it is like a trophy he saves....from each one of us!! though I have never seen them nor has he ever admitted doing this of them. Just a gut feeling and gut is usually right!!

I really hate this!! I guess what it amounts to now, is trust!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 8:16am

It may amount to trust, but what you have to trust is your gut. If you think that there is remotely a chance that such personal details may be exposed, then discontinue doing this(if you haven't already). I don't know what to tell you about getting these pictures and tapes back, but at least don't make any more. You can probably try to trick him and tell him that you want to watch them over and take a glance at the pictures. Tell him it makes you hot or something, and then take them. It's worth a try.

Good luck with whatever happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 1:08pm

Hi there,


I think there's a big difference between a husband/wife or other very longterm committed couple owning these sorts of things together, and a couple that's just been dating for a few months and the guy keeps all the materials under his own control at a separate (his) place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 12:35pm
Yes i'd be concerned and well founded fears, just remember its you who is concerned and should be. Talk to him again and if he refuses to listen, then you have some issues to work out? is he having an issue with your rights and wishes is he going to listen to you and is he using you for his own gratification? get legal advice if he refuses to listen or marriage counselling advice, as I am afraid he may be using these tapes for outside reasons and you may be a person who is being, can i say abused emotionally if not ohysically. Please listen i am a man who treats all women with respect, what he is doing is not respect and can be a start down a rocky road to abuse that can get out of hand.
Hope i did not scare you too much but it is scary this day and age when there are predators acting like husbands..