dh saw a prostitute (before he met me)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
dh saw a prostitute (before he met me)
12
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:10am

I'm really hoping that someone on this board may help me to feel better about this.

I found out that my dh saw a prostitute on at least 3 separate occasions in the year he was single before he met me. I'm really upset about it and feel sickened by this. I feel like I can't trust him anymore. He's very open and honest with me but he waited THREE YEARS to tell me this huge news! he said he was very lonely and would get obsessed with having sex but wouldn't want to lead a girl on when he wasn't wanting a relationship. He tells me that he most prefers having sex with someone he loves and he's very loving and faithful to me. I really don't want my negative feelings over this bombshell news ruin what is a good relationship. I'm worried that he felt comfortable enough to approach a strange women like this and offer her money for sex. It just seems so seedy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 3:58am

Your name seemed familiar, but when I did an iVillage search, all I turned up was this one link:

http://love.ivillage.com/snd/sndonline/0,,doyenne_7pcg,00.html

I am curious about why you would be upset about your DH having used a prostitute when he wasn't involved with you at all if you are writing to an email flirtation while married?

Or am I offtrack here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 5:17am

You have to understand that was his past, and it had nothing to do with you.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:03am
All I will say is, sometimes desparate people do desperate things. After his divorce he was probably rally low, and as you said he didnt want to lead on a good person, all he wanted is sex.. Hes a changed man now, hes happy, it will never happen again...Forget the money part, he had sex with another human being before you....have not you done the same?..have you ever had sex for sex sake, with someone you were not in love with?..For get about the money part, I have seen prostitutes who were very attractive, clean, and if I had not been told they were call girls, I would never had known....
Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:17am
why can't you trust him?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:28am

Good morning sadee. I imagine everyone can say at one point or another that they've done something that wasn't exactly kosher -- and perhaps this is his, but not being able to trust him now b/c of what happened three years ago? I'd say him telling you about what happened three years ago is a HUGE leap of trust that he has found in you. Being able to be open and honest with you about that just shows me how much he loves and trusts you.

Like others before me, my advice, which is neither right or wrong JMHO, digest it and move on before it consumes you and your relationship.

Take care.

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:26pm

I admire his motive:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 4:04pm

Welcome to the board, Sadee.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 5:26pm
um...lizard dance you are VERY offtrack. That was posted years ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 4:12pm
I understand how you feel. That kind of news would upset me too. I hope you can find a way to deal with the news so that it doesn't constantly pop into your mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:12pm

"I admire his motive: He was single, he was lonely for a physical connection, and he didn't want to use a woman under the false pretense of dating her. This shows a high regard for women's feelings that many men don't share. Many lonely divorcees "date" women just for the sex and hope it lasts as long as it can before she catches on that there's no actual relationship developing there. They do it knowing they're using a woman, knowing they're wasting her time, knowing she wants more. I respect and admire what your husband did when he was single. He chose to not hurt or decieve anybody"

I cannot agree with the poster who said this. In fact, I think it shows just the opposite. An obvious disregard for women. Yes, that prostitute needed the money and yes he apparently felt he "needed" the sex, but it was a selfish transaction on his part. People consider prostitution "seedy" for good reason. They are aware of a lot of the desperation surrounding people in that profession and that those who are blind to and would ignore that in favor of their own sexual needs are not exactly the best of characters.

He may regret it and it may be in his past and have no bearing on his future. However, to admire him for choosing to use a prostitute instead of a "lonely divorcee" is wrong. Admirable would have been finding a mutually sexually satisfying relationship or staying single and masturbating. There are plenty of women out there and this is well known who wouldn't mind just having some good sex no strings attached. To resort to prostitution only implies he didn't want to put in that time and effort in order to have more humane relations with a woman. That does to me say something of his general attitudes towards women.

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