stop thinking about ana

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
stop thinking about ana
38
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:15pm
suggestions on how I can stop thinking about anal sex during vagina sex? I am trying to quit because she doesn't like to try it nor talk about it, but it's becoming like an obsession.

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Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:22pm
hm....wish I could tell you, it's easier said than done.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 1:30pm
You are in the same boat my Husband was in 14 years ago. I won't try it either and have treatened divorce should he ever ask for it again. What ever validation or pleasure doing this to someone gives you, only you can determine if it's something you can be happy without. If your own personal interest is more important, then you will probubly become too obsessive with the resultant unhappiness and even bitterness towards your partner will follow. If being with her and her feelings are more important, then it will be easy for you to concentrate on what she does do for you. Contrary to what you have read or have been advised of, an overwhelming majority of women do not want anal sex, some do indeed try it, but most don't like it and won't do it again and this is from and article in the American Association of Family Physicians newsletter that was addressing sexuality of adolecent female patients. Even tho its possible, it's not very likely that you will easily find an eager female partner to engage it this with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 6:48pm

Hi, Steve.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 9:49pm

here is the real problem.
she doesn't scream enough during orgasm, so it makes me feel like she is not getting enough pleasure. and when i say "doesn't scream enough" it's because of what I see in porn movies (my only other reference - which is probably a bad reference source)

so I read online alot, and one of the things I see is that anal feels good, so I think I'll have her try that. but she doens't want to. I bought a hatchi magic wand with the g spot attachment but she doens't want to use it. I bought a penis extender (fits over the p to make it longer and thinker) but i haven't showed it to her because i fear she will be repulsed and I would be crushed, and she doesn't seem to like it when I request to lick her vagina and clitorus. i bought these tickler shafts that fit over the penis with raised ridges and bumps to see if she enjoyed that and it was a fight to get her to try it, abut when she came it was a good long one, but she never suggests that device, i have to beg and plead to try something.

so it's very unbalanced, the things I want from her, versus the things she wants for her, she says i should just be more selfish and focus on what I want instead of worrying about her. married for 14 years, sex twice a week on average, usually her on top facing me, then i finish doggy style off the sie of the bed while she sleeps off her orgasm, she refuses to have more than 1 orgasm. says she can't have the energy. she's only 34 years old, she acts liek an old lady i cold come 3 times a day if i had the opportunty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 10:00am
Steve,
One, lay off the porn...what an unrealistic reference point for intimacy with your spouse. It totally sets up unrealistic expectations. If you ever watch any of the 'behind the scenes' sections of a porn dvd, sometimes you will see the director talking to the couple with the guy is stroking trying to maintain his erection, then he says 'action' and the woman goes from concentrating on what the director is say to screaming pleasure in about 3 seconds. Until you can have a realistic view of porn as a potential source for some ideas...stay away...don't let it form your view of sexuality.
Anal...the consumate buttman here who does not get it...ever. I understand. I find extreme pleasure in my dw's pleasure. No, it's not screaming orgasms either...but fantastic orgasms none the less. And yes, its only one for her too...so make the time to it last...build to it exploring the parts of each other that are not off-limits. To satisfy your butt obsession...find pleasure in doggie or taking her from behind while she lies flat on her stomach (works really nicely in making things feel tighter). But don't make it your only source of fun. Getting nails dug in during missionary can be equally as hot!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 6:14pm
Amen Talbed...............
As a person that has never had it and unless hell freezes over Ill probaly wont ever get it .
I understand completly what you are saying.. I might also want to add that reading some of the things about some of our fellow Tabbos members post, can also put unessary pressure on a marrage as well. AT least it seems to be that way with mine.. I read some of the really exciting and passonite sex reports, and I say to myself, Man I got to have some of that fun as well.. That might work in some situations, but if you have a SO that dosnet quite have the same out look as you, and is ether not willing or real hesistant to try these *new* ideas. Well you can see where Im going with this...
Enjoy what you have at home. It could be worse!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 8:29pm

Steve, talbed is absolutely right.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 5:14am

I totally agree Jazz.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 6:20pm

Dude, Sorry to hear your wife is like that. From my perspective, she sounds pretty dead in bed. I agree about the porn sounds, that is a joke. But, she doesn't even like to play around, do oral, use toys, or have more than one go-round. Sex can get boring if you don't change it up, as you have found. I have never been married and have dumped girls for being bad in bed but I will admit that I am pretty shallow. Being married though is another situation. You are either going to have to realize the good outweighs the bad or not. Divorce is a terrible thing and I wish you the best. As for me, I have had alot of anal with my girls and it is nice. But, the girls that have done it have always liked it. I had a girl that wasn't into it and I didn't care because she was great in bed without me going there. Forget the anal. It's not that big a deal. A bigger deal is her lack of creativity and eagerness to get into a great sex life as you said in your 2nd post. The harder you try not to think of anal, the more difficult it will be. Look on the bright side....at least she swallows....HAHA....now, that is a real deal breaker!

EM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 10:56am

I think there is more wrong than she won't try anal sex. Sounds like she won't try anything. I was in a marriage like this and it is not good when one partner "stops" and won't do or try anything new or different. Both sides have to keep moving, adapting, be interested in your partner.

I agree with the other posters, that the screaming in porn movies is fake and unrealistic, BUT if it turns you on, what is wrong with her screaming a little when she cums. Selfish, look out for me only sex, is for one night stands. Unselfish, listen to your partners desires sex, is why you have a relationship/marriage, so that you can grow and develope your sex life together. I don't 'need' to talk or scream when I have sex, but it turns my DH on when I do, so when the kids aren't home, I make lots of noise, I scream at him for him to f*&( me hard and "give it to me" and "make me take it" and then after all of that, it flows right into screaming when he and I cum. We can't do this when the kids are at home, so it adds excitement when we do get to do it, and he loves it. I love it when it is secret and quiet and when we don't say a word, so there are times when that is how we make love, because that is how I like it. Give and take.

And about anal sex, if she has tried it and really tried to be successful and it just doesn't work, then drop it, it is over. BUT, if she will make no attempt to try and make it good for the two of you, then there you go again, selfish sex. My DH really wanted to have anal, we tried the first time, I screamed (for real) it hurt soooooo badly, he felt terrible, didn't want to try anymore. I experimented with a vibrator, to find out why it hurt so badly, and found that we were using the wrong angle and that there was an angle and a way we could make anal good. We keep trying and found the way it is good for us. Unselfish, respectful sex, and now we have the most incredible anal sex. We save it for "my time of the month" and it turns us on so much.

I just don't understand women that make definite statements and will not try something. At least try it once. How can you say you won't like it if you have never tried ?

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