Lack of Oral Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Lack of Oral Sex
5
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 12:25pm

After reading the first "when was the last time" thread I was shocked at how many people responded that they had not given or received oral sex in a very long time. This shocks me b/c we are on a Taboo board and that would make one think the people here are pretty open to a lot of things.....

So my question is for anyone that answered, that it has been several weeks since they have given or received oral sex, why is that? Is it by your choice? your SO's choice, no current partner to do this with?

Oral sex (both giving and receiving) is such a big part of my sex life that I can't imagine going with out it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
In reply to: boomer10
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 5:25pm
I am in a long distance relationship so I only see my boyfriend about once a month. I always give him oral every time we see each other. He probably only tries to give me oral maybe twice a year, and then for probably less than a minute at a time. I think he has never really gotten used to the taste, and I have never gotten used to the feeling of having him down there. He keeps saying that he needs to practice giving me oral so that he can get used to the taste, but then he always conveniently forgets. I don't really mind though because he uses his fingers on me a lot down there, and I find that more satisfying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
In reply to: boomer10
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 5:31pm

I am a 46yo male who hasn't received oral sex from my wife for several years. In fact, we haven't had sex but maybe once or twice in the past five years. She made it obvious that she didn't enjoy it anymore, despite my being VERY attentive to her orally (which she really enjoys), so I just plain refused to do it anymore. Why should she have all the fun?

Her loss, as far as I'm concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2001
In reply to: boomer10
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 5:50pm

Boomer,

I will try and perform oral sex on my wife when we have sex which occurs every 3 or 4 months. She has no interest in sex at all let alone oral pleasure.

She has not performed oral sex on me to orgasm in over 5 years. In the last two years she may have had me in her mouth once.

MWC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
In reply to: boomer10
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 11:57pm
To manwithcats and chocolateeyes,
I am so sorry that you are not only not getting oral, but you are not getting any sex. I was in a marriage like that for 24 years, with 15 years of no sex, and let me tell you, it will take its toll. You cannot have a relationship without mutual respect for your sexual life. I have remarried to a wonderful man. We work very hard to please each other and try anything the other wants, at least once. I hope that you can both find some therapy or compromise with your wives to increase your sex life, it will not work without it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2006
In reply to: boomer10
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 12:33am

Great advice, really_sings. I sincerely hope they can find a solution as well through counseling or other means of support--except extramarital affairs. It's not fair when the low libido spouse doesn't even make an attempt to appease the needs of the high libido significant other. This can lead to the high libido spouse feeling rejected and can cause emotional wounds--in the same token, at times, the LL spouse feels too much pressure to perform and can look at sex as more of a chore than an intimate bonding experience. Sometimes there may be health or other issues going on that can distract one from having a healthy, fulfilling sex life, but these issues need to be addressed. A problem will never get fixed if you choose to do nothing about it.

A healthy sex life is conducive to a healthy relationship. I don't mean this to say that sex is necessary to be in love or to keep a relationship going (an emotional and spiritual connection is even more important), but if there are no drastic physical limitations stopping one from participating in sex, then some measures should definitely be taken to rectify this issue. There are so many avenues to take when trying to find a solution for this problem. With so many options available, something is bound to work for couples who are experiencing this type of problem. It may not be easy, but they just have to remember not to give up, or lose faith in their spouse. A compromise can always be met if BOTH parties are willing to work at their marriage and improve the quality of their sex life.

Chakra