How sensitive are you?
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| Fri, 09-22-2006 - 11:54am |
Okay, I was watching a movie on tv early this morning and this idea came to me. Just how sensitive are people when it comes to their SO being constructively critical or open about certain aspects of their hygeine and sex lives. The movie I watched showed a couple who had just finished having sexual relations, and then it cut to a scene where the guy was talking to his friends later about his girlfriend having a scent like "spaghetti" coming from her rear when they had sex in the doggystyle position. His friends laughed of course, told their own stories of strange "aromas" coming from past and present gf's and then instructed the character not to tell her anything about it because she'd probably never sleep with him again. I didn't think this was fair to the lady though. The film didn't portray her character as being dirty or having poor hygeine on a regular basis--if anything she was very attractive. My guess is that she had gone through the regular processes of bodily eliminations that day and just didn't shower prior to having sex with her man. I completely think he should have told her, in a nice way, so that they could have continued to enjoy their sex life without damper (who knows what the issue really was?)--he ended up breaking up with her, and finding a girl who in his words "smelled like roses all the time, the textbook girl". So I have a couple of questions now...
If you were to see something unsightly, or smell a strange odor coming from you SO's nether regions, would you tell him/her, or would you continue to let them be unaware of something that's probably putting a damper on your own sexual attraction towards them as well? Has anyone ever had an experience where a spouse or SO had to be honest or provide constructive criticism about some aspect of your hygeine concerning your sex life or vice versa--or have you ever had to tell your SO the way you "really" want something done sexually versus how they do it? I know question is a little "taboo" (lol), but I'm just curious to see just how comfortable we feel being honest with our spouses about sensitive subjects.
Chakra

Hi Chakra~
Wow that is a touchy subject... Ummm... well honestly I think it would hurt my feelings even if an SO put it in a nice way... then again I am sometimes too sensative. On the flip side, I would like to know about it so I can fix whatever the problem is. However, I am usually very cautious about my hygiene (not saying the poor "spaghetti" woman wasn't) and can usually tell myself if something down there is amiss, and I usually tell my SO about my "problem" ahead of time. As far as him talking to his buddies about it, even if she never found out, how humiliating & degrading! How awkward for her not to know that she is the brunt of their cruel private joke! I would hope none of my lovers would ever do that to me, because if I ever found out they would be in deep! What exactly does that stupid guy expect her butt to smell like? I wonder how his smells? Probably not as good as spaghetti. As far as telling your SO... if it smells a little off I usually just don't stay down there very long, I make excuses to kiss other body parts or jump right to sex. Usually all an odor means is they need to take a shower, so sometimes I suggest sex in the shower or say I want to take one because I feel dirty and ask if they want to join me. (I keep saying "they" referring to men & women because I am bi LOL). Anyway that's all I have... ~honey
Hi honeyspice,
lol, you are right this is a touchy subject. This is precisely why I brought it up. I notice that most people are totally okay when it comes to discussing how and what they having sex, but when it comes to matters of hygiene, people clam up. Why?! lol. I'm a person who likes to be in "the know", and if something is up with me. I'd like for my husband to tell me rather than to have me encounter the issue again. At least if I know, then the secret is out, I may have wounded pride for a little while, but at least the problem won't happen again--and if it doesn't happen again, he won't be reminded.
I'm very meticulous concerning my hygiene as well and so is my husband, so mishaps concerning body odor would most likely not happen with us, however if it did, I know we'd be courteous enough to inform each other. I look at it this way, if you tell a person the problem, they'll be more cautious about it next time and it probably won't happen again--not to mention that most likely you'll forget about it ever occuring in the first place; however if you notice something, yet never say anything, then it might possibly turn into a reoccuring problem, and instead of thinking sexy thoughts about your loved one, you'll be thinking of their **you fill in the blank** problem. I like the "out of sight out of mind" concept here. Nip a problem in the bud and it won't come back to haunt you. Also I believe that there is nothing that a couple should be afraid to discuss with each other, nor should one be so shallow that a little unintentional, hygiene mishap makes them lose all desire for their SO.
I remember watching an episode of 'Divorce Court', where a man complained that his wife would never have sex with him and didn't find him attractive (main reason they are divorcing), she revealed (on national television mind you), that one time when he was attempting to dance sexy for her while nude, she noticed that he had an extremely large piece of toilet hanging out of his rear. She said that she tried to play it off and let him feel sexy by encouraging him to dance, but Judge Mabelline pointed out that all she was doing was letting him make a fool of himself and encouraging bad hygiene. The poor man was so embarrassed and all he could do was smile cheesily and deny the whole thing, lol. Oh my. Here is a post I made on this same subject on another board in response to another ivillage member....
"Hi,
Like you, body odors don't really both me, particularly if they're natural odors that one with good hygiene has. Even when we as humans are "clean", if we were to skip putting on deodorant or other perfumes (which is the norm in the U.S.), then we will smell like nature intended. I find the smells from my husband's skin are very erotic and intoxicating. When I go out or when I'm at work I only wear a natural deodorant that has no artificial scents or additives, it's basically a salt crystal that helps to absorb excess odor caused by sweating. When I'm at home I don't wear any...I see no need to poison my body any more than it's already poisoned by air pollutants. My husband doesn't wear any at home either, but I can honestly say that neither one of us smells abnormal or produce a very noticeable scent when we don't wear anti-perspirants or the like. We both opt to just wear essential oils when at home; they provide a wonderful scent all their own and have great health benefits! As far as scents during spontaneous sex, I tend to agree with you whereas if I smelled anything during an unplanned romp, then it wouldn't bother me, nor would I mention it unless it was a very special circumstance. Most likely there wouldn't be anything to mention because my husband has great hygeine, but if it was an ongoing issue, then I would say something, in the nicest way possible and being very sensitive of his feelings. I wouldn't want to crush his self-esteem or make him feel like I was turned-off.
However, I personally believe that if you've been out and about all day, worked out at the gym, or have experienced some type of bodily fluid release during the day, and you're not feeling fresh, then even if your spouse wants to jump your bones straight away, it's probably best to follow your instinct and at least go wash up a little, if anything for your peace of mind and comfort level. They may be a little disappointed that you wouldn't have sex right then, but they'll be happier if you're feeling confident in your body because one has a tendency to open up more when they are sure of themselves (no pun intended there). This is why I normally get a shower prior to my husband performing oral on me. I feel much more comfortable and open when I don't worry about trivial things like freshness. My husband will normally get a shower too before I give him fellatio, but sometimes I tell him to skip it as sweat can be a real aphrodisiac."
The only time I can really think that this would be an issue with most people is with spontaneous sex because then, in all fairness, the person hasn't had a chance to "prepare" for lovemaking, so yea things can be excused then--afterall it is not expected, so what can you do? LOL at the comment about the inconsiderate boyfriend's rear smelling worse than spaghetti--that was funny and well-deserved. This movie seemed to be one of those indie movies that focused on the stereotypical, male-chauvinistic qualities. It was interesting to see how guys interact and talk about women, and you're right, even if the girlfriend doesn't know what he's doing in discussing their sex life, it has got to be humiliating.
Chakra
"My question is what with or how do they season there spaghetti?????"
lol, I think the guy was just being jerk and using a really juvenile type description...but his friends sure got a kick out of it. I should check out my tv guide and find out the name of the movie, then post it on here. If anything, it'd be interesting to rent just to see that semi-controversial scene.
Chakra