Bisexual boyfriend? (graphic)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Bisexual boyfriend? (graphic)
13
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:17am

Well, a few months ago my bf told me about a couple experiences he had a few years ago with his best guy friend. They got drunk one night and his friend ended up giving my bf a bj. And then it happened a few months later as well. It didn't and still doesn't bother me that it happened, and I felt lucky considering he's never told anyone but me. And actually, since he told me about it, I think our r'ship has been even better. Partly could be the fact that he knows now that he can confide in me completely, plus we even talk about it more openly, and we experiment a lot more!

So last week, we were laying in bed talking about it. And he said that something else had happened he didn't tell me about. It seems him and his friend were sitting around, drinking as usual, and his friend asked if he wanted to try anal. So his friend performed anal sex on my bf. This was a few months after the bj's. (It was actually turning me on to picture this), and I asked him if he liked it. He said it was ok, but he didn't get off.

Then I asked him if he would do it again, and he said probably. I asked him if he would do his friend or give him a bj, and he said probably. I said I would like to see that, so he said he thought maybe we should do a threesome with his friend, or a foursome with his friend and his girlfriend.

Hmmm...I just don't know. Honestly I'd probably do the threesome with his friend, but I don't want my bf near his friend's gf - you know what I mean? And I know I personally could not do anything to another girl. And I just don't know about a girl going down on me, maybe......

So, does this make him or me bisexual? And can a straight relationship work just fine when one person is bisexual?

What are your thoughts on all this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 6:32pm

Hi, miantroy.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:44am

Personally, I think people get too wrapped up in terms and it really does not describe your relationship with him. It is my personal feeling repeated behaviour defines homosexuality and bi-sexuality from someone who is straight. From your posting it sounds as though your boyfriend has had a few encounters with another guy but his repeated preference has been for women. My feeling is that your boyfriend is exploring his sexuality and it maybe that he has a preference for being bi-sexual. However that probably will not be clear for a while yet.

In regards to your question can a relationship work with someone who is bi the answer is it depends. If you go into the relationship knowing their preference, can agree to boundries, and the both of you can keep to them then yes it could work. Does this mean you have to participate in a threesome to keep them or do something you are uncomfortable doing in an effort to keep them, the answer is simple no you do not. It may mean that you will have to share them with another and may mean that your relationship is a bit unconventional. Some people are fine with that and can have a fairly normal relationship, others are not. The question for you is what type of relationship do you want and if it does come to light that he is bi, not exploring his sexuality, can you accept it? Finally regarding your question does this make you bi, the answer is no.

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 6:46am

Hi Miantroy,


I agree with what the others have posted.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:43am

Labels depend on context. Someone studying the spread of STDs would use a different definition than someone studying relationship dynamics or gender identification. Legislators writing anti-discrimination law or wrestling with gay marriage might use a completely different set of criteria.

The crux of the matter is to know yourself and your partner and be comfortable with that. Whether or not someone else would consider you straight, bi, or gay doesn't really matter.

I can say, as a bisexual man, that there is nothing about being bisexual that would keep you from being in a monogamous relationship. While I may be attracted to both men and women, the attraction isn't any different than a straight man (or woman) who is attracted to their partner, but is also attracted to other people of the opposite sex. Fidelity and monogamy have everything to do with commitment and character, and nothing to do with whether you're attracted to men, women, or both.

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:00pm

The thing is, is my bf is not attracted to men at all. But the fact is he's had same sex experiences and has enjoyed them. I guess when it comes to a bj, the saying goes - "a mouth's a mouth right?" My bf also likes anal play, so I'm assuming that's why they tried it.

However, my bf has never done anything to his friend. So I'm assuming it's all purely sexual and his friend was ready and willing to satisfy him. So I'm thinking that doesn't consitute my bf being bi or whatever label.

We've only talked about a threesome once. After he told me about the anal experience, (we were drinking), and I mentioned it'd be a turn on to see his friend doing my bf, thus, perhaps a threesome with his friend. But do I actually think it will ever happen - probably not.

Thank you for your post, I guess my main question is - are there a lot of guys out there, that are straight but have had same sex experiences and enjoyed them. Although they'r not attracted to men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:09pm

People can call themselves what they want. To my mind, if you have sex with someone, you're obviously attracted to them at some level. You may not want to hold hands and run in slow motion through fields of wildflowers, but something led to to have sex with tat other person.

Ultimately, though, it seems what is important to you is whether you and your bf can be happy together, and regardless of whether we agree on labels, that's a question only you and he can answer.

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 1:07am

Does it make a difference to you if your bf is bi?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:55am

I guess the more I think about it, I really don't consider him bi. I think bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, but my bf is not attracted to men.

Do I think it's gross and disgusting what happened between my bf and his friend? Not at all. Many people experiment when you're in your late teens and early 20's. If some girl really wanted to go down on me, I'd probably let her. Not because I like females, but because it would probably feel good. But no way could I do it to another girl, yuck.

I think he simply engaged in these acts from pure drunkedness and being horny, I know he'd never have done it sober. His best friend was the one that initiated everything, so my bf let him. He did not give anything back to his friend.

From the drunk conversations we've had about it (that's the only time we talk about it), I know that something like this would never happen now, #1 cause he's completely happy with just me, #2, he still seems somewhat ashamed of what happened, and he'd rather have his girlfriend (me) satisfy him, #3 if he really wanted to do it more, he'd tell me.

Again, we were drunk one night and I mentioned it'd turn me on to see him and his friend together, and he said it could possibly be arranged someday. I doubt it'll ever happen, but it's fun to think about it once in a while.

Sorry for the long post. But I just wanted to explain things a little better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 2:37pm

I think that you should be open and try it with another woman. It really is a beautiful experience.

Just Me,

Buttom

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 1:22pm

"So, does this make him or me bisexual?"


Maybe, maybe not, it's all just labels.

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