Help! I need some guys' opinions!
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Help! I need some guys' opinions!
| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 6:48pm |
Hello, new here. I'm Cherie, I'm 19, and in my 1st yr at Ohio State. I usually only lurk but I need some opinions from the opposite sex and I really don't have any guy friends except my bf, and I don't feel comfortable talking with him about this, so here goes. The problem is my brother. I'm wondering whether he's normal or not. I'm thinking he's pretty perverted but maybe he's normal, how would I know? I'm a girl. So I'd like the guys here to tell me what they think, and whether or not any guy here is like him. I first noticed a problem with him soon after I moved in with him. I, of course, wanted to move out for college but couldn't afford much, but my brother, who's 23 and a grad student, needed a roommate and his place was cheap. We both decided that we'd probably get along, so we become roommates. Right after I moved in, however, I noticed him "checking me out", not just every now and then, but like every day! And I'm not talking quick glances but HARDCORE staring at my legs, breasts, or even my butt! At first, I didn't think much of it, in fact I have to admit a part of me found it kind of flattering. But another part of me felt very uncomfortable about it. I mean, even though I'm pretty and have an awesome body, and even though all of the guys I know want to go out with me, I still expected my brother to be different. After all, I AM his sister! I would think he'd be able to control himself a little better than that around me, although I can understand how it could be difficult for him with how I look and dress. I mean, if I wasn't his sister it would be perfectly normal for him to stare and lust, as I'm usually wearing something sexy. I wear SUPER SHORT skirts (with thongs underneath) to school everyday and I'm always walking around our apt in my bikini as our complex has a hot tub, so I can see to some extent why he might OCCASIONALLY steal a quick glance. But he doesn't just glance, I catch him staring at me just like any other boy would, every night. Can't guys control their urges even a little bit, like when it's their own sisters? Well, at any rate, up until a few weeks ago I was willing to just brush it off, with one part of me thinking the situation was weird and abnormal, and another part of me almost enjoying the attention and even sometimes teasing him a little bit on purpose. But a few weeks ago the situation became even more weird. That's when he starting taking pics of me. I don't mean behind my back, it was actually my idea. See, my bf lives far away, so we have a long-distance relationship, and I wanted to send him a bunch of sexy pics of myself. Of course, I was too embarrassed to ask just some guy I knew to take them, so I ended up asking my brother, even though I wasn't sure it would be a good idea with the way he was always looking at me. Of course, I wasn't doing any nudes, just sexy stuff. I was sort of afraid to do it, but another part of me was excited about doing a sexy photo shoot, like I was a real model. At any rate, he reluctantly agreed to do it but, as I feared, it's not working out too well. He can't handle it at all! It's extremely funny and embarrassing at the same time. The first thing that happens is I'll model a new outfit, just to get his opinion. I'll ask him what he thinks and his reaction is hilarious. He'll take one look at me in my bikini or lingerie and EVERY TIME his eyes about pop out of his head when he first sees me. It's funny because I can tell that he's really excited but he'll try to hide it by saying something casual like 'it looks OK'. Then we start taking pics and as my posing gets more sexier the same things happen every time. For starters, as soon as we start, I'll notice he'll get an enormous boner! It's very embarrassing for both of us because we both know he shouldn't have one from looking at his own sister, but it's also incredibly funny to watch him try to hide it and play it off. At first, I just tried not to laugh and pretended not to notice, but eventually I couldn't contain myself and starting cracking up. He knew why I was laughing and you should have seen how red his face got! That ended that photo shoot. But afterwards I told him I understood and apologized for laughing at him, and I talked him into doing more shoots. However, even though I promised him I wouldn't laugh at him anymore, he couldn't control himself and the problem continued, and every time I ended up giggling. There was just something soooo funny about his look of embarrassment when I pointed out his boner. His face would get sooo red and he looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar! Also, the way he acts during the shoots is kind of scary even though it's also flattering. Quite often, like when I'm in a really sexy pose or if we're doing a nightwear shoot (lingerie, undies) I'll notice he can hardly control himself! It's funny, but also scary and sometimes I feel sorry for him. I mean, it's obvious that he's so horny he's about to burst! This, of course, is an awesome power trip for me, but since it's my brother, it's also kind of scary. I'll be doing a real sexy pose and I'll notice him start to shake, he'll sometimes almost drop the camera! Other times he actually starts breathing heavy and erratically and has to catch his breath! I ask him if he's OK and he'll just nod yes, take a deep breath, and continue. But the worst is when we do shoots where he has to help me get ready, like one with chocolate syrup or whip cream or body paint or something like that. He'll get so horny putting the stuff on me that I'll see his hands trembling, and I mean really shaking bad, like an old person! And, of course, I'll look and he'll have his usual boner. That kind of disturbs me. I mean, even though I'm his sister, it may be normal for him to get a little aroused, especially considering the type of pics we're doing and how I look, after all, his BODY doesn't know I'm his sister. But to not be able to control yourself to the point where you're shaking? I don't care what I'm wearing, I would think he could control himself a little better than that around his own sister. At any rate, I am now having an internal debate. Sometimes I love the power I have over him, and I like the ego trip from seeing him totally unable to control himself around me and going almost CRAAAZZZYYY with desire at our photo shoots. But other times, I get really disgusted by his inability to control his primal urges around me. I mean, come on, how disrespectful! I'm his sister for God's sakes! Don't guys have something in their brains that say: "hey, this is my sister, this isn't a piece of meat." Can't most guys control themselves any better than that? I mean, I'm not trying to brag or anything, but again, considering how I look, I actually EXPECTED him to look a LITTLE, because I'm pretty much drop dead gorgeous with a body to die for. Again, not trying to brag, but it's true, I see what's in the mirror and I know how boys act around me, so I can understand him struggling, at least to SOME extent,with his natural instincts. But shouldn't he have learned to control himself by now, shouldn't he be a little more respectful of me as his sister, even when we're doing some sexy pics for my bf? Or is his behavior normal? I didn't think guys drooled over their sisters like that. Have any of you guys ever had feelings like that for your own sister? If so, do you think my brother is normal or a pervert? If not, what should I do? Move out ASAP? Tell someone? I'm not sure what to do, but I know that instead of laughing at him, now I've been getting more angry at him. At our last few shoots I've gotten disgusted with him and I've even been calling him a pervert and telling him there's something wrong with him. In fact, at our last shoot I actually slapped him! He had to help paint me and he couldn't even do it! He was trembling so bad he couldn't even do the designs right! He just told me he "couldn't handle this". And don't think I was naked, I was covered where I needed to be. I slapped him and called him a perv! I sort of feel bad about it now, but shouldn't he be able to control himself any better than THAT? Am I wrong here guys, or is my brother sick somehow? Isn't his behavior almost a form of incest?

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Hi, Cherie.
Yes, I'd have to say your brother's behavior is strange, to say the least. Personally, I would've strangled you long before you got to college.
Have a nice day!
Hmmmm, okay this story is the more "odd" ones that I've heard....... *stares at the screen* However, I'll respond anyway. The whole situation just doesn't sound healthy. Your brother obviously has an attraction to you that isn't conducive to a normal/safe sibling relationship. Also, your behaviour around and torturing him when you know he has this issue is rather cruel and not smart on your end. If what you're saying is true, then who knows when his breaking point will be? You could be seriously playing with fire----and when you play with fire, you get burned. It's wonderful that you have so much confidence in yourself and the way you look, but I would think one would be more modest to some extent around male family members. I'm one who is all for nudity and have no problem being naked in my home and around my family members---*female* family members that is. Around the male members of my family, I've always been modest and respectful as far as the way I carry myself. Though they may be related by blood and I have no reason to believe that any of them would ever hurt me or look at me the wrong way, I feel that out of respect for our gender differences, there is a certain way I should conduct myself in their presence, that won't even begin to put thoughts in their head and make them look at me in any other way than that of being a relative.
It sounds like your brother should seek counseling for the issues that he's having, because the feelings or "lusts" that he's developed towards you are not normal, and are not the way or manner in which a brother should react to his sister. I would say that counseling may benefit you as well, as I'm sure that something like this would cause emotional scars and lots of confusion as to how you now view your brother, and your relationship with him---you're probably having lots of conflicting feelings right now, which is normal---and I believe you need someone to talk to about this problem----in all fairness, the things you're doing, such as teasing him, posing provocatively for pictures and dressing in erotic clothing in his presence just shouldn't be done, IMHO, even if he didn't have this problem.
My advice to you would also be to move out of the environment that you're currently in and put yourself in a safer, less distracting situation----your college studies will suffer if you dont. If you choose to tell anyone about your brother, such as parents or another sibling, then if I were you, I would be respectful of who I told and how I went about handling my brother's reputation, because obviously he needs help and being humiliated will not remedy the situation---if anything it may make things worse. So, whatever you do, keep his feelings in mind. Also keep in mind, that although you are not to blame for his abnormal attractions towards you, that you've not been helping the situation any by doing the things you've been doing, and asking him to participate in certain activities (what's with having him apply chocolate and whipped cream to your body?!)----so this is just something else to think about should you decide to go to someone else--to remember that he didn't attack you or approach you about doing these particular acts---it was your request, i.e., taking the photographs, modeling clothing, ect. but stress that he does need to seek treatment for how he's behaving. While I do think you should go to a trusted authority figure or counselor about this issue, just choose carefully how you handle this situation. Anyway, best of luck to you. I'm sorry to hear that this is happening and hope that the situation gets resolved soon, leaving no one with emotional injuries.
Chakra
Edited 11/16/2006 3:43 am ET by ayurchakra
Three sisters here (all a bit younger than me). No brothers.
I never had any such problems as your brother, nor any
thoughts. And my sisters were drop-dead gorgeous. This all
sounds a bit strange.
What to do ? First, stop letting him take pictures of you
in sexy positions. Second, consider moving out if you can
afford it. If not, you and your Bro will have to have a
serious sit-down conversation - maybe adding a few rules to
help calm things down.
I lived with my youngest sister for a year while she got back
on her feet. We set up some rules on who did what and
some limitations for having friends over. Communication
was the key to making it work.
Good luck to you and your 1st year at school.
in2it O->
I actually think it's a bit mean to put him in this sort of position. It doesn't come across like you think this is "sick" at all. It sounds like you like the attention.
All I can say-is you both need therapy! You are fueling the fire and he is not letting the fire die!
As for the photos shots-I believe that a male family member should not be doing them EVER! his mind can tell him no, but the penis has its own mind. You need to accept some responsibility in this situation as well. I mean what girl asks their own brother to paint designs on them in whipped cream or chocolate????
Trust me, I was molested by males in my family-you do not get a power trip off of it and you never want to encourage it.
This relationship is in need of therapy and just all sorts of gross and creepy. I think I am going to vomit.
Why do you think your brother has a problem? I think you both do. You both need help. I don't care what your body looks like, you don't do things like that with a family member. That is so wrong. IMHO. I wouldn't think to even do something like that with one of my sisters let alone one of my brothers.
You're 19. Grow up a little. Get out of that apartment. You are old enough that someone shouldn't have to tell you that.
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I don't understand what's so wrong with doing a few pictures for your boyfriend and having someone like a brother do it. Who else should I have asked? A casual acquaintance? A boy I hardly know? I asked my brother precisely because he WAS family, I don't want some stranger or some guy at school taking these kinds of pics of me. I asked my brother because I thought he was mature enough to handle it. Apparently he isn't and I find that to be kind of pathetic and very immature and disrespectful. Please don't try to turn the tables on me and act as if I'm the one to blame for this. A guy should have the self control to be able not to drool all over himself just because he sees his sister showing some skin.
IMHO I think that it's pretty normal for a girl to do pics for her bf. Lots of girls do it all the time. What is NOT normal is for a guy to lust over his own sister, even if she's naked.
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