New Job is Draining me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
New Job is Draining me
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 8:11pm

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the board and just looking for a place where I can vent! I'm a very positive, patient happy go lucky person...or at least I was until I started this new job a little over a month ago.

I was a student and graduated with my bachelor in december, but I'm so confused about what i'd like to do. So I took the first job that was offered to me, and i'm working with my mother. She's not my boss but she put in a good word for me, and I got the job.

I work with an amazing bunch of people and we all get along great! My only problem is the job itself..the work is so boring, repetitive and I honestly feel like I have nothing to look forward too, It's making me depressed. On top of that I'm sleep deprieved (getting this job meant getting up 3 hours earlier than im used too) but i guess that's life. I spend nearly 2 hrs a day in my car!

I guess this is reality, but I honestly feel bored, unchallenged and very disatisfied. But my situation is a little see I wish I could quit, but my mother says that i'm committed to this place now. She said it would make her look bad if I quit, it looks as if, if I do quit she won't talk to me for a long time. I just feel like the whole situation is sticky,

I really don't know what else is out there, I don't know what I see myself doing, and i'm afraid i'll never find something i'm passionate about.

I just feel lost right now, and not at peace with things. I want to find something that will make me satisfied...

I'm usually so upbeat, and positive, and don't get angry about anything...I mean nothing really gets to me.

But all of a sudden since I started working, the smallest thing will make me cry...and I feel like I haven't really laughed in awhile, this bugs me, and I don't know what to do about it.

Even my fiance noticed a change in me, and he says I haven't been acting like myself. he wants to see me happy and thinks I should quit.

I think i should wait it out, and see if this job gets any better, i don't want to impulsively quit. My boss is really nice and I honestly just feel terrible about this...but I keep getting a feeling that this job isn't matched with my type of personality...

I don't know, i'm just confused. Does anyone have a kind word of motivation, inspiration advice that they can offer?

Thank you so much in advance

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 11:16pm

Hi Gal Nessa, and welcome to the board!

Starting a new job is always a stressful time, even when it's our dream job. Making the transition from student life to being an active member of the work force is also stressful as it demands so many changes from us, too.

I'm very sorry that you aren't enjoying your first job and that you find it boring. What you have to realize is that most jobs have their very boring moments, and one day you will love these times as they are a respite from the stressful ones.

I generally tell people to give it about 6 months before making a final decision. In these economic times, you are lucky that you do have a job so soon after graduation, so hang onto it some more before you call it quits. Your body will soon adjust itself to your new schedule, which will make it easier for you. A 2-hour commute both ways is also a fact of life for most people, and you are fairly lucky it's only an hour each way.

My suggestion is to use this time as your training period, and one that pays you a salary, too. However boring, you are gaining concrete experience and responsibilities that you can actually put on a CV. If you have a lot of down time, ask if there's anything else that you can do - you might be given something that really interests you, and your boss will see that you do have potential to be trained further and move upwards within the company. So many people have worked their way up from a boring job to the top job within a company.

In the meantime, since you do have a salaried job already, you have the luxury of being able to look for a job you would love. It might take a month, it might take 6 months, it might take a year or more. I know that you'll find it one day, but it's better doing so whilst you have a job and a salary to fall back upon than being out-of-work and desperately looking for a job. Not having a job when you are expected to be able to support yourself and earn your own way in the world can bring about depression and a loss of self-esteem ~ it's really not a place you want to voluntarily step into.

This job also gives you space and time to discover what you are good at, what you do like and what are passionate about. On the job, you'll get to know what you are good at, what you do like and more insight on what makes to tick. Are you a people person? Do you like working alone or in a team? Do you like coming up with ideas, or are you happiest when you are kept busy doing legwork or research? Are you a leader, or do you prefer being the lead support person? Are you good with words? Are you creative? Do you like crunching numbers? All of this will be clearer as you gain more experience at work.

You've done with your first degree, now what do you really want to learn to do? Talk to people around you, ask what their hobbies are, what they are passionate about, whether they volunteer. It'll give you insights into others, and maybe someone will say something that triggers an Aha! moment in you. Volunteering is also a good place to discover what you are passionate about.

I am sure that your mother would be okay if you resigned because you've found a great opportunity elsewhere. What she's trying to tell you is that she gave a good word in for you. She told her boss that you are a responsible person whom he can trust, and that she's not only saying so because you are her daughter. If you quit now, citing that you are bored to death and tired because you have to wake earlier than usual and you need to commute, you'll only come across as an immature and spoiled child instead of a responsible adult.

When you've found your dream job, go for it. As long as you do it properly - which means that you give this job your best even though it's not a perfect fit and you find it boring, you are pleasant with everyone, and you resign in a good way - everyone including your mother will be very happy for you and proud of you, too.

To counter your boredom, find something to do outside of work. Not everybody has a job that is emotionally fulfilling. Others love what they have to do but might also have to deal with difficult co-workers, a terrible boss or a stressful workplace environment. This is where creating a life outside of work comes in. Make time for sports, for your hobbies, for volunteering, for your friends, for your family, for pampering. If you do something every couple of days, you'll always have something to look forward to and this will counter the boredom at work.

Does it sound a tiny bit more feasible when you see it this way? Why is your work so boring?

PS: Use that commute to listen to audiobooks or podcasts! Once I started to do that, I kind of regretted that the traffic jams weren't longer ;-)

Good luck, Gal Nessa. I hope that you'll stick around so that we get to see you bloom :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 10:25pm

I wasn't on my own computer yesterday, but I wanted to give you this:

Congratulations on getting your degree, getting your first job and taking your first steps into adulthood. I really do have faith that you will find what you are looking for. You are wise enough already to reach out and look for a sounding board.

Edited 3/19/2010 10:27 pm ET by cl-libelulle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 4:17pm
Thank you so much for your kind reply! I never looked at the situation that've helped me gain a new perspective on things :-) Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2009
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 4:28pm

It's called a Quarter Life Crisis!

Check out my blog at

Learning life...Living life...Loving life...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 12:32am

Are you gal_nessa by another name?

I am glad that you've been able to gain a new perspective. When you can, let us know how you are doing. I just have this feeling that you are going to go on and do really wonderful stuff in the future.