My environment is suffocating...
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|Sun, 03-21-2010 - 10:48pm|
I am a 24 year old college student still living at home. I am working on my second degree and just paying off bills before I finally make it out on my own. I have one more year until I graduate.
A few factors of where I live actually made me have panic attacks last year. I live in a suburb outside of a major city. My school is in the major city and I have to commute from 40 mins to an hour depending on traffic to get to school. I've already been through two accidents while on the commute. I have been doing this commute for the past 5 years that I have been going to this school in the city.
Also, the suburb where I live I don't have any friends who I would hang out with here, they are all in the city. I feel very isolated and lonely most of the time when I'm at home so I try and stay out when I'm in the city during the week but when I finally get back home on the weekends to relax I feel stuck. The suburb where I live there is nothing really to do and I have always found it hard to connect with anyone here. I have been living here for 12 years and the friends I did have here already moved away and/or are going to college in other states. I travel a lot to visit but I can't do that all of the time of course.
I have been wanting to move ever since I started college but because of finances I can't. My parents are not planning on moving any time soon either. They also are very protective of me and like to act like I am still a young girl instead of a growing adult.
Last summer I went to a summer camp that was 11 hours away and I met some great people that again live far away from me. I am going to visit them this summer.
As I said I have had panic attacks because of the commute mostly that was sprung on by the accidents. I went to counseling for this and learned some great tools to overcome them. Though I feel much better I know that I would get rid of the residual anxiety that I have if I lived somewhere else. I feel suffocated here not only because of the fact I can't move somewhere to be on my own but also because of my parents. My mother would love to be my best friend but she doesn't accept the things that I do and would like to change me. These things do not harm me at all much more they make me feel more at ease and relaxed. The things I'm referring to are my spirituality because I am a pagan. She is a catholic and brought us up as such but I do not believe in the catholic belief at all. I have found a great community who accepts any spirituality but it is over an hour away. I feel as though all my friends who are accepting of me live miles and miles away from me. My ex-b/f who I still love lived a thousand miles away from me and we broke up b/c of this.
I know that I can't change the place where I am for the next year but I have been trying to find ways to make it more positive so that my anxiety will not rise again to cause me panic attacks. I feel as though I'm coming up empty on the positive side of things to find here and really would like some suggestions. Has anyone else been through something similar?