Advice Needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Advice Needed
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 1:18pm

Hi Everyone,

This might be a long post, please bear with me :)

Im going through some major confusion right now. See I really want to find my best life, be at my happiest, and live a balanced life.

This year has been a hectic, crazy year for me. I graduated from university in December, My fiance and I bought a house in January, did major renovations, and finally moved in. Because of the way things worked out I was forced to find a job immediately, and didn't have a real chance at assessing what kind of job is most ideal for me/what would make me happiest.

I found a job, which was one major, never ending task. Checking and re checking data, everyday for 8 hours. I've been doing it for 6 months, and I finally quit. I think i've been a bit depressed/burnt out lately because of the job, and quitting was my sanity.

I have plans to Become a substitue teacher in the fall, I am going to be certified in a month. hopefully I will be able to fill up my days doing this type of work.

My issue is i'm so overwhelmed and exhausted that I have zero motivation to do anything. I feel like constantly thinking about my anxieties/fears/confusions are draining me. and i'm sinking into a hole. I feel isolated from everyone around me, and some days all i want to do is shut out the world and sleep.

before I finished school, i was positive, always having a kind word to say, and rarely moody.. Now I'm becoming bitchy, always tired and my head is never clear. I'm constantly second guessing myself, I knew I needed to quit my job for my mental health, but I'm scared that my plans to substitute wont work out great.It's bad to have this kind of attitute :(

We are also planning our wedding for next summer...finding work that makes me happy and working are a priority for me at least until then. I'm a people's person, and I love interating with the public, so I have a hard time sitting behind a computer screen/ w no interacting every day. If the subbing doesn't work out, I'm not even sure what else i can do... sign.

I want to change, and become the positive person I once was. Because I loved that person much more than I love myself now. :(

Any advice is welcome...I guess I just needed to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 3:34am

Welcome to the board, Rasberry.

You've been through a lot, my friend. Even good things such as graduation and buying a house are sources of stress. It's no wonder that your are all burned out and not only because of your job. You graduated, you bought a house, you started a new job, you renovated a house, you moved in with your fiance, you are planning a wedding, you and the job were ill-suited. That's seven stressors, not one. Number eight is quitting your job, number 9 is worries about your future.

Let's take this one step at a time, okay?

It's good that you are preparing for your certification, and that you know that you want to be a substitute teacher. That is something to work towards, and you can use this to help you focus on something.

In the short term, keep an eye on that depression of yours. How long have you been wanting to isolate yourself, have the fears and worries been at the forefront, and have you had the desire to shut down and sleep? Please do see your doctor. Depression isn't just something that will go away on its own, sometimes we need a little bit of help from others, from a specialist and maybe from a medication, too. The quicker you get help, the easier it will be to overcome it. The longer you wait, the more difficult it can be to get well again. Seeking help from family and friends, from a doctor, from a therapist and taking a pill if your doctor thinks that it might help you are in no way signs of weakness or stupidity. If you have problems with your feet you wouldn't think twice about going to an orthopedic surgeon, right? Well, it's not the bones of your feet that are broken, but your spirit, and a therapist is the professional who has been trained to help people in your situation.

Things that you can do right now are to go out of the house, exercise, meet people, eat well-balanced meals, pamper yourself, treat yourself well. Read funny books, watch comedies, listen to music that you enjoy. Learn something new. Do something spontaneous. Do things that make you laugh. It sounds simple enough, but I know that it's difficult when we're depressed.

Earlier today something popped into my mind. Do you like dogs? If you don't have a dog of your own, do you know anyone who has a dog and who would appreciate if you took the dog out for a walk each day? We often have an easier time committing to other people than committing to ourselves. Walking a dog would get you out of the house, get you exercising, get you to interact with another living being, and maybe also meet people if you go to the park with the dog. Ok, not really meeting people but see other people and maybe making small talk with them - it's a start, right? Maybe as you walk the dog you can ask a friend to come and meet you, and you can have a nice talk as you walk. Meeting someone on a one-to-one basis is often easier than meeting a whole crowd.

If you don't like animals or you are terrified of dogs, you can always volunteer. Volunteering is a good way to meet other people, do some good for the community (which will make you feel better) and it will help you figure out what you do like and what you are good at. It's a win-win for everyone involved. What are your interests? Animal? The arts? Children? Women's issues? Sports? The environment? Health? Check out / for ideas of associations needing volunteers in your area.

Rasberry, you don't need to change. You are still happy, outgoing, positive person, but depression and fatigue are masking these qualities and making it difficult to connect with these parts of you.

So... tell us, what are you going to do today that will make you go out of your shell? Yesterday you came and wrote here. What are you going to do today and tomorrow? Let us know. You can come here every day to check in, talk, document your progress, vent, celebrate.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 3:44am

Rasberry, just brainstorming about jobs here. I hope you don't mind.

What are the other places, apart from a school, where you could work with children? Or where are the other places where you can teach a subject you are good at/that you love?

Have you thought of talking to a career counsellor?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 10:01am

Hi CL-Libelulle

Thank you so much for your response :) you really helped me validate how I am feeling.

Speaking of dogs, I forgot to mention to you that My fiance and I adopted two lil pups in april. They are a handful! The last few months have been very hard! but now they are getting a lot better.

I've begun to take 5HTP...I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but it's an alternative to an anti depressant. I've taken it before when i've been stressed in the past and it's helped me alot. Yesterday I went out and bought some, I'm hoping that it will give me a clearer head.

My anxieties have been going on a long time. I would say that it started right around the time we put an offer on our house. I know it's unrealistic and naive of me, but I thought that once I finished my bachelor in psych I would be able to find an interesting job, and that the pay would be decent. But in january I began to apply for many jobs, visited many websites, and even the university career section in my school. But I never got any call backs, so I became a bit desperate. A job opened up and I took it, only because there was nothing else at that point and we were getting behind on bills.

You are right, I need to surround myself with laughter, read good books and just try to find my sparkle again. I hate this dark feeling, I feel burdened a lot, and never feel like laughing lately.

I've seen a psychologist before, when I was going to school, She really helped me gave me great tools. I use them in my everyday life.

In terms of jobs, I would like to keep my options opened. I would love more than anything to Sub, but i'm terrified that I won't get calls. Even though I am planning to apply to a few hundred schools. I guess I just need to be positive, and have faith that I will get some calls. I feel almost guilty for going after this, but then I remind myself that this is my life, and sometimes u've got to take chances in life.

Another thing that would be interesting to do would be to council teens or kids, i'd like to be a mentor. Or motivate them, I have been told

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 11:07am

It looks like what you needed to do was to talk, Rasberry. You are sounding so much more better today.

I've never had pups or dogs, but a friend of mine has adopted two and she says that it's fun and sometimes... interesting heh heh.

You know, buying a home is a huge step. It's not only a big financial responsibility, but home ownership is one of the things in life that marks another step into adulthood. When I bought my house, it was a huge buzz and a huge fright at the same time.

You can volunteer as a mentor for a child or a teen if you aren't already doing that. It'll give you insight, some experience, and something to put on your CV, too. What further qualifications do you need to become a counsellor? If you are good at motivating people, maybe your talents will be better used in another type of job. The career counsellor can help you identify these jobs.

The calls will eventually come, especially after you've gotten some hands-on experience and the schools get to know you.

So what are you going to do today to bring some fun, laughter and sunshine into your life? You can tell the depression, fears and anxieties that you are going to put them in a box for a few hours and that you will come back to them later on. Then focus on being the happy you. Laugh, Call friends to say hi. Play with your pups. Listen to music and dance, read a book, sing.

Let us know how you did.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 11:26am

Thank You! :-)

I will go and see the career counsellor as soon as I can make free time. I think it will help me, and open up new opportunities for me! I'll find out what my options are :)

Ur right about the subing, I just have to have more patience, and eventually everything will fall into place.

It's been a crazy year, with getting engaged, buying the house, getting a job, finishing school. I know these are amazing things, but I need to adapt to everything. It's a whole new way of life for me, and I know I will grow into everything, at least I hope too! I just gotta give myself time.

I am proud of myself for taking

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 11:30am

On another note, in terms of the dogs...ur friend is right!

It's a lot of fun sometimes, but I haven't been able to potty train mine the right way, because of lack of time. They still piss and poo in our house, it can be frustrating at times. It's also hard because I have to go straight home everyday after work. If I get home late, it's unfair to the pups they've been alone since 9 everyday. and My fiance works so hard, sometimes 13 hour days (he owns his own restaurant). So most days it's me dealing with the doggies, I love them a lot, but some days are more challenging than others!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2010
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:51am

Hope you are doing better rasberry. Just reading your post, I was taken back to my harried days. I certainly saw myself in your post.

I feel a TON better tho with some changes in my life. I made some MAJOR changes to get here, but I felt it was the right thing to do for me. I hope that you continue to find your balance.

Take care and hope you had a fun time with you sisters!


-L “There’s no limit to the bonehead moves I make, but at least I make others laugh when I do them.” :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 2:31pm

Thank you for your response. Yes I am feeling better, i've made a lot of changes in my life in the last 5 years. It's crazy but I don't recognize the person I once was 5 years ago.

That being said, this year has been crazy. But the last week i've been feeling better. Though there have been moments where I felt incredibly overwhelmed, especially dealing with two little mischivious, not toilet trained's quite challenging. But it's a soul test right?

i'm trying to work on being more positive. i'll keep u guys posted. :)