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|Wed, 07-21-2010 - 1:18pm|
This might be a long post, please bear with me :)
Im going through some major confusion right now. See I really want to find my best life, be at my happiest, and live a balanced life.
This year has been a hectic, crazy year for me. I graduated from university in December, My fiance and I bought a house in January, did major renovations, and finally moved in. Because of the way things worked out I was forced to find a job immediately, and didn't have a real chance at assessing what kind of job is most ideal for me/what would make me happiest.
I found a job, which was one major, never ending task. Checking and re checking data, everyday for 8 hours. I've been doing it for 6 months, and I finally quit. I think i've been a bit depressed/burnt out lately because of the job, and quitting was my sanity.
I have plans to Become a substitue teacher in the fall, I am going to be certified in a month. hopefully I will be able to fill up my days doing this type of work.
My issue is i'm so overwhelmed and exhausted that I have zero motivation to do anything. I feel like constantly thinking about my anxieties/fears/confusions are draining me. and i'm sinking into a hole. I feel isolated from everyone around me, and some days all i want to do is shut out the world and sleep.
before I finished school, i was positive, always having a kind word to say, and rarely moody.. Now I'm becoming bitchy, always tired and my head is never clear. I'm constantly second guessing myself, I knew I needed to quit my job for my mental health, but I'm scared that my plans to substitute wont work out great.It's bad to have this kind of attitute :(
We are also planning our wedding for next summer...finding work that makes me happy and working are a priority for me at least until then. I'm a people's person, and I love interating with the public, so I have a hard time sitting behind a computer screen/ w no interacting every day. If the subbing doesn't work out, I'm not even sure what else i can do... sign.
I want to change, and become the positive person I once was. Because I loved that person much more than I love myself now. :(
Any advice is welcome...I guess I just needed to talk