On stopping meds......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
On stopping meds......
11
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:47am

well, no one can stop any one of us from stopping our meds. But I have to say that when I did it, it was the stupidest thing I ever did. I was SOOOOOO sure that I didn't need my anti-psychotic anymore. I felt good, was doing good, life was good.....it was ALLLLL good.....then I stopped the respirdal. It took me two weeks to flip the hell out. I was hearing cymbals crash in my head, I couldnt' handle anything....when I say anything I mean everything from my kids talking in hushed voices to the sheets touching my skin in bed at night.

~The Worlds A Roller Coaster And I Am Not 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:55am
I've never tried stopping my meds and I never intend too. My husband and two of our friends that know I take meds have tried to get me to stop. They think I will be fine without them and that I don't need them. THEY are crazy. Why should I put myself and my family at risk when it is so simple to take meds. Granted, they are expensive, they do "interfere" with my life (if I want to drink in the evenings or stay out late) but, the benfits certainly out weigh the inconvenience. Please do as Teri said and think long and hard about stopping your meds. It takes so long to find meds that you are stable on. I personally, would not want to go through all of the trial and error of finding the right meds again. I also never want to feel out of control, miserable, paranoid, panicky, depressed, etc, etc, etc, again. Amanda
Avatar for kdvaleski
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Registered: 04-10-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:02pm
Hi Teri. First, it's good to see you here, and I really hope that things are going better for you. Going off and on meds is something I have always done, and is actually the thing that made my pdoc think I was bipolar several years ago. I know it's a stupid thing to do, but my brain heads back there when I am feeling well. I do have enough perspective to keep taking them now, and continue to take my Lamictal despite the part of my warped little mind that insists I can do without them. I will be able to fill my Effexor this weekend, and will go back on that as well. Stopping that was not by choice in the first place. I'm sure that I do feel well because of the meds and despite my ramblings yesterday, I still have enough clarity to stay on them, even if I do wish I could do without. The two seconds needed to take them in the morning and at night aren't at all problematic, I just continue to wish that I didn't need to take psychotropics every day for the rest of my life. But, I always regain my sanity/clarity pretty quickly, and I'll keep on taking them, and tweaking them as needed to stay as well as possible. I know the thought that I can go without meds is unrealistic. I'll end up back at that thought from time to time, but I'll keep taking them anyway because I know they help.

Have a good day, ok?

Kristen

Avatar for kdvaleski
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Registered: 04-10-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:07pm
Hi Amanda. No, I will not be stopping my meds. My husband tells me from time to time that hopefully I will be able to stop taking meds someday, and I always tell him not to hold his breath. It took over three miserable months to find the combo that I am on, and I don't want to go through that again. So, while I will probably continue to think from time to time that I can stay well without them, I realize that's a ridiculous thought. I'll be able to restart the Effexor this weekend and I'll just keep on with the same regimen.

Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:12pm
I have to throw my 2 cents in on this one also. I did the "I am doing so great, I can go without them" thing too....NEVER again.

I have never heard from ANYONE that went off their meds and had it work out well for them. Never. You might be ok for a few days, or even a week. I think I went a month once without having any type of episode....but you ALWAYS end up having another episode....and usually it is ugly. Not to mention, a lot of meds don't have an immediate effect on your system, so it takes longer to break the cycle again.

There is also the issue brought up of meds no longer working for you - I have heard of several people that have had this problem, and not just with anti-psychotics.

Considering how little meds inconvience you, compared to what BP can do to your life (not to mention the stress and effects it has on your children, spouse/S.O., extended family, and friends), it just is NOT worth it.

One last point I feel should be made - some meds (as has been brought up lately with effexor) don't leave your system very nicely. You should have a very long and serious conversation with your pdoc if you are entertaining thoughts of stopping meds. Even just not taking the ones that you are skipping right now - you should make sure they are aware. You could throw yourself into an episode that is really horrific. That is why we have pdocs and can't just self-medicate...they are trained more fully then most of us are.

Don't just stay on your meds for yourself - do it for your family also.

Good luck

Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:30pm
Hey Teri!

How are you doing? I hope you are better than ok...I know you are hanging in there because you're a strong woman but I hope things are better for you.

I too, like many others, quit my meds before. I used to think I was weak for not being able to handle life without meds. I wanted to be "normal". Well wanting to be normal, I stopped my meds and ended up in the hospital. It usually took about a month or so for the meds to totally get out of my system and then all those bad things with bipolar took over and in the hospital I went. I didn't totally except I had an illness that needed treatment for life like my high blood pressure. I have a bad kidney that is half the size it should be and the adrenal gland that sits on top of the kidneys sends off this hormone that makes my blood pressure rise, so I need to take meds for it. If I don't, I won't die right away, but I will eternally be affected and one day it will make me very sick. I finally excepted(I knew logically) emotionally that I had an illness called bipolar and it needed to be treated everyday with meds. So now I do what I have to do to stay as healthy emotionally and mentally as I can. Somedays are great and some are real bad, but stopping meds is never an option, not if I want to keep on the road of stability. If I start to feel unstable on my meds it is my responsibilty to my treatment to tell the pdoc and have him help me. If I don't tell him what is going on (good or bad) how can he help me, right?

Right now I have been going through alot of uncertainty with my life. I am trying to except the bad things that are happening and I have done ALL "I" can do to make it different but nothing has worked so I guess I will have to depend on my higher power to get me through and crawl through the mud until something changes for the good. I also know things could be worse. I believe I am able to think that way(that things could be worse) because I am on my meds. Off them I would be in the hospital. I would not be able to handle anything no matter how small. Whenever I can't find a way to make my problems better and I can't find someone to help me I get so depressed, I start to think irrational, and I start to obsessively think about the problem at hand and my mind NEVER stops or slows down. That is when I need a med tweaking. My pdoc said I will probably always be obsessive with my thoughts, it is what I have done for a long time but he said the meds can help it not be unbearable and can slow them down. Meds are great, they help so much more than we might think sometimes. The pdoc wanted to put me in the hospital about a month ago because I was so deep in depression but he changed my meds and I talked to him about giving me a chance to get through this and see if the med increase would help. The med increase did help and I did, very slowly, get out of that deep of a depression. I would not have been able to pull through that IF I had not had any meds in my system to see some hope, though at the time I don't think I really seen that it was hope. I was just trying to fight, fight this illness and not let it beat me, but DANG that BP can fight pretty good so it took some real energy on my part to keep in the ring and keep fighting. I know that I may have another time in my life that I slip into that deep dark depression again but as long as I take my meds and let my pdoc know everything I will be able to get through.

Ok, now I am asking all of you...when I hit that depression again and feel hopeless remind me of all I wrote because when I, and I am sure when all of us get depressed like that we tend to forget our strenths and we tend not to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I love you all!

Tina~

 
Avatar for wolfewood
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 5:14pm
This kind of deals with something I've been wondering about. Okay, anyone who's been around the board for a bit knows staying on your meds is one of my personal soap box issues and really freaked when I couldn't get them for whatever reason. Not sure why, but I have never (at least consciously) had any reservations about taking psych meds in general (and always addressed side effect issues head on with my pdoc)--maybe it's because I had thoought I might be BP long before I was dx'd and had done some reading on the subject. Anyway, I've really been having memory problems recently (even before all the crap thats come down), including problems remembering to take my meds (all of them, not just psych). It's happened before, but never so bad or for so long a time. I've had a reminder pop on my Outlook program for aeons and even moved my meds onto the computer desk where I always keep water, but the message will pop up I'll dismiss it and many times not act on it. Sometimes I'll just "remember--like the bottles haven't been sitting here piled up by the keyboard, sometimes a post will remind me, but all too frequently, of late, I'm just totally "forgetting" both AM and PM meds. Now I'm questioning--Is my memory really getting that bad? OR Is this some kind of unconscious rebellion against all my health problems and taking meds? OR Is this just another (uncoscious) form of torpedoing myself that us BP folks seem so good at doing?

Any insight/guesses? Marci (who just took her AM meds after reading Teri's post)

Avatar for cla3a
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 6:11pm

Hi Teri,


I am glad to see you. I know you have been going through such a difficult time,and I hope,and pray that you find some peace soon. Now to add my 2 cents to this topic.


It starts with a short story. 4 years ago I was on 0 meds. I started to have pain,aches,and swelling of my joints. Then I started to have one infection after another. After many tests,and many different anti-biotics I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Then the great pill count was on. I started by taking 4 pills a week. And went to 2 pills a day. Then on to shots,and yet more pills. I had to have meds that counteracted the side effects of meds. Then I had to start meds for cholesterol,then for FMS,GERD,hypothyroid,then just for plain old depression,and now for BP.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 12:50am
I stopped my meds because we were short on money and the kids needed diapers (what a dilemma...diapers or a sane mom).

    CL for The

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 4:00am
I know exactly how you feel. I have had to stop taking my meds(still werking on the right combo) because of milk and diapers. I am luckey enough to have a great pharmasist(spelling) who will let me get some of them on credit. But i have to get the guts to go ask. I am constently stuggling with taking my meds intellectually( i have really bad spelling i know). I did fine for years keeping thoughts from getting too much ahead of me. Never really thought there was any different about me. Now that DH has got me to see otherwise. I hate it. I didn't need meds a few months ago why do i need them now? These stupid meds are taking away whom i really thought i was. That why even though i know kinda that i need them, I feel as if i have lost my spunk. I wanna to say soo much more. I have been known to get on to soap boxes so much. But i haven't been here in awhile and never said much then.

But just a quick question:

My pdoc says i am hitting a peak. That i am having a breakthough manic episode or going to. What does that mean really? From my understanding that once you are on meds fer awhile that doesn't happen. I am really starting to believe that everyone is putting a label on me and can't accept me for me. I personally thing it has to do with the weather. Its so nice out. Of course i wanna 'do' things. Of Course i reallizing my thoughts are kinna going all over the place. But that's how i am. I can't let this illness get the better of me. I do take my meds. I do go to all the appt's I am supposed to.

Well thanks fer letting me rant.

shanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 8:36am

Hi Shanna-


You said: these meds are taking away whom I thought I was.


I think that this is part of what makes stability such a hard road to take. Suddenly our thoughts are no longer so unorganized, and we can rationalize things that once before we thought were simple acts of moral ethics. Suddenly we find ourselves second guessing everything we do .....dissecting it to find out if it's a manic thing to be doing or not.

~The Worlds A Roller Coaster And I Am Not 

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