Irritated and bitter
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Irritated and bitter
| Fri, 08-13-2004 - 11:43am |
My dh was really an a** this morning. DD woke up at 6:00 and wanted milk, which she couldn't have, so she was crying pretty hard. As I'd brought her in with us a bit earlier, it was quite loud. DH got really irritated with me (the first thing that pi**ed me off) and got up and left the bedroom. I continued to comfort and try to calm my dd, and finally got her to get up without collapsing in tears. DH went about getting ready for work in his passive-aggressive style, stomping around, closing doors loudly, huffing, that type thing. That so irritates me! Then he had the gall to tell me that I should have gotten her out of bed earlier, because he needs to be well rested to see his clients at work. Because he leaves to go to work and "all" that I do is take care of the baby, clean, cook, run the errands and on top of that run my business. Of course, I can be tired and still be expected to keep up with everything. But HE needs to be well rested! I felt like telling him to have an extra cup of coffee at work, and suggesting where he put that coffee. He has been so freaking shielded from so much of the parenting experience. He would never be able to take care of our dd if I weren't here, and I'm not exaggerating. He has never fed her, bathed her, HAS NEVER CHANGED A DIRTY DIAPER! He can't put her to bed, nothing. Moron. And he had the chutzpah to get irritated with me because the baby was crying. What a putz! (More colorful words come to mind, but I know I can't post them here.) Of course this outstanding partner in childcare thinks I should have handled the situation differently, because it disturbed his precious sleep! Of course, since he had left the room to lounge on the sofa, he was not there when dd started calling for him and wanted her daddy. And of course, he did nothing to try to comfort her while she was mad, just turned his back and huffed. He actually wanted sympathy for having to get up early and get ready for work. Mind you, early for him was 6:00. He usually does not get out of bed until 8:30 on a workday because the bank doesn't open until 10:00. 8 freaking 30.
Now, be honest with me, is it a normal reaction for me to be this angry, is it part of being bipolar, or is it my own special personality flaw? If my reaction seems unreasonable I can deal with the fact that I might have to just take a Klonopin and chill out. Please, someone give me some feedback on this one. I am still so mad, and he's not even here.
Kristen

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Hi Kristen,
I am so sorry that your day started so horribly!! I would be angry too. I think that you have a right be be upset. Maybe you are more sensitive to it today then you normally would be? I think you might need to let some of it go, so you won't be tied up in knots. You might want to try to talk about this with him once you are calm enough to do so.
Whatever you do, I hope that your day goes better than your morning has.
Take care.
Hugs,
I know it's wrong, but I feel that if I am the only parent who actually takes care of her then he shouldn't really have a say in matters. I KNOW that's wrong, but when he gives me opinions about how he thinks I should have handled any given situation when all he has done is get angry and leave the room, I just hit the roof. And even though I know I should just deal with the issue at hand, I start getting angry about all his other shortcomings as a parent as well. I know I shouldn't do that, but I can't help it. That's a big problem that's all mine.
I think the rest of the day will be better. I have no intention of talking to him until he gets home tonight, and I'm sure I'll be good by then.
I hope you're doing well today!
Kristen
Thanks for the support Amanda and Cyn. I hope you both have a great weekend!
Kristen
What is it about being a man that won't allow them to admit when they are wrong? As you already know things have been rough between my DH and myself - hence my "unsupportive spouse" post. I don't think you were wrong to get so angry... but remember, holding that anger in will hurt you! You need to find an outlet (I'm not a crier either, but lately found that sometimes it helps!) to get the anger out - I chose to walk, and walk, and walk. The angrier I feel the further I walk! I figure that way if I finally get to the point where I can't stand being with him, anymore, I'll at least have a killer butt and legs to attract someone else!
Also, I generally want to scream, when my DH acts childish (stomping around, slamming doors, ect) and then after a bit asks, so innocently asks "What's wrong, are you upset?"
He has no problem punishing my kids, if they act like that, but we are supposed to forget it if he acts like a big baby! Which makes it very difficult to explain to a child that it is unacceptable behavior, as they stare at the hole he punched in the wall, during his last hissy-fit!
I was glad to read that you were feeling a bit better, in your last message, take care of yourself and your baby, first. As a mom, we owe it to our kids to make them a priority.
Talk to you soon
Kim
Have a great weekend!
Kristen
Jayde
Hey You! :o)
I'm glad that you're feeling better, but the fact still remains that you feel as though you are a single parent and you shouldn't have to feel that way. My brother is in the financial field and I know how stressed out he gets from it, but none the less he has managed to help out with his 4 children. I think your dh can too. It seems as if you've tried all the "simple" things to get him to start helping, so maybe you're going to have to do something drastic? Like take a saturday or a sunday to yourself and let him know plenty ahead of time that he's going to have Jenny all day while
~The Worlds A Roller Coaster And I Am Not
Strapped In.
I'll post to you and Teri later in this thread, as you both suggested pretty much the same thing.
Thanks for the reply!
Kristen
I think that like Cyn suggested I must have been extra sensitive to dh's bad behavior yesterday. That's not to say that I think I was not justified! He's been a bit better today, though I COMPLETELY agree that he should do more to help with dd. I left her with him today while I went for some groceries, and I shopped as fast as I could because I realized that I'd forgotten to tell him where I'd put her snack. Then it dawned on me that I can't leave dd with him for more than about an hour max, because he wouldn't know what to do! He doesn't know her schedule, doesn't check or change her diapers, doesn't know what to give her for a snack (or even if or when she needs one), and would have no clue how or what to prepare for a meal for her. That's pretty sad. Oh well. The other thing is that I truly do love being with dd, and really don't want a break from her. At least not more than I get while she's napping. When I don't have her with me I miss her and am thinking about her anyway, I guess we all do that.
Teri, I'm glad to hear that my dh isn't the only one who behaves like a child! LOL! Isn't it horrible when they do that? Of course, when mine gets all huffy and childish I get irritated with him for behaving that way and then I step in with comments that probably aren't helpful. Nothing mean at all, but trust me, nothing that helps the situation either! He realizes after the fact that he's been a major dillhole but says that he can't help his reaction. Yeaaahhhh...
Thanks again ladies. Today I'm my "normal" and basically cheerful, if tired, self again. I appreciate the comment that I'm a good mom Teri. Thanks. You know, even if I wasn't sure about any of my other positive qualities, I really do feel that I'm an awesome mom, so at least I've got that going for me!
Have a great weekend!
(((HUGS)))
Kristen
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