Overwhelmed - How do I overcome it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Overwhelmed - How do I overcome it?
3
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 1:17pm

I don't quite know how to start, but here goes....My self esteem has taken such a nosedive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 4:09pm

hey, kimmy, welcome to the board. i'm going to respond to your post in reverse order, so bear with me :) first, i think that it's totally normal to miss your son right now - i don't have kids but i remember that when i went away to college i was soooo homesick for the first few months. i know that my mom missed me, too; it's hard for both of you. your son is in a new place, starting a new phase in his life, so why don't you start thinking about what you'd like to do next in your life? maybe learn a new language or skill, or redecorate, or update your look/wardrobe?



the same idea can carry over into your job - start thinking about where you'd like to work next and work on updating your resume, so you're prepared in case the worst happens. i've had jobs that i've HATED before, horrible bosses, etc., and i felt stuck until i realized that planning my next move was a lifeline.



do you think your husband may be stressed/depressed about something, maybe at work? i'm sure it has nothing to do with you, and you're not responsible for his happiness (it's up to him). i would just ask him if there's something going on at work that he's stressed about, and if there's anything you can do to help. try to keep it impersonal, if you know what i mean. i know that when my husband gets stressed out he gets so wrapped up in it that he unintentionally shuts me out, and i used to think that it was something i did but i didn't understand that he was shutting down completely. i would always take his bad mood/lack of affection personally until i figured out how to make it "not about me" and try to talk to him about it from a neutral point of view. does that make sense?



again, welcome, and we look forward to hearing more from you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 10:58am

Thanks for your reply happy pants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 8:02am

just assume that you did nothing unless he tells you so. it's like being innocent until proven guilty. it was hard for me to learn, too, but just keep telling yourself that you're not responsible for someone else's moods, just like no one else is responsible for yours. you have the choice to be happy, and so does your husband, and if he chooses to be in a bad mood then that's his decision.



i think the whole point of doing something special for yourself is so that you won't feel so low, but you have to be ready to try. just repeatedly picture yourself doing nice things for yourself until it becomes a natural way of thinking. there is another message board on here that i like to visit sometimes; it's callled 'finding your best life' (http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhbestlife) and they talk often about finding balance and living your dreams and stuff like that. you might like it, too, if you haven't checked it out already.



yes, it does seem like when one thing happens, a lot more is piled on, but i wonder if it's just perspective. i think the 'other things' have always existed in the background but you notice them more when the first thing happens, either because now you're looking for them or because your resistance is lowered from the initial event. it's just a thought.