sometimes i hate myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
sometimes i hate myself
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 8:32pm

Right now i feel pretty down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 8:27am
when you and the other girl hang out, do you ever do what YOU want to do? it's possible that she doesn't care as deeply, i.e. she is not as serious as you are (that's not a bad thing; i'm really serious, too). maybe you guys are just different. i've learned that all friendships have limits; some friends are for going out (but you couldn't have a deep conversation with them) and others are for deep conversations (but don't want to go out). it could be the same thing with the two of you. maybe she is your 'going-out' friend but you are looking for
Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 1:26pm

I had a friend from the age of 16 to about 24. It took a long time before I realized how much I was HER side-kick. I wasn't really sure why, I always thought each of us as equal.

Then when my life was starting to crash & I called upon her and she was not there. Fine, she had stuff going on, I told myself. Then it happened a 2nd time & then a 3rd. Finally I realized whenever it was ME who asked for anything it just was not going to happen. I was always supposed to be there for her, do what she wanted to do and if it was for me then it was nothing.

So, one day, I decided I would go out with her next when she did something I wanted to do. Well... that was 16 years ago & we have not done anything together yet. We talked via phone, but didn't see each other again.

I decided I was worth more.

When you are ready to work on your self esteem, I believe you'll learn to stand up for yourself. Then, and only then, will you find if you have a true friend or not. If you lose her b/c you are standing up for yourself - then you deserve better :) If she adapts, then, well, your friendship will probably go throughout the years.

Standing on your own two feet is part of a healthy esteem. Knowing you're going to be okay w/o a 'go to girl' is part of finding your esteem.

"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng

"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Fri, 10-15-2010 - 2:59pm

I think sometimes we experience this with family and/or friends.

When they need us we are there, but when the tables are turned they are not.

I don't think it's so much as jealousy but maybe more like "disappointment"...

After a while when you start caring about yourself and that you are worth it and your thoughts and feelings are important you begin to rely less on others.

Sometimes if your self-esteem isn't very high you tend to let others decide things or you don't voice your opinion, and your opinion does matter.

There is nothing wrong being serious I think that is just the way and who you are are.

Friendships can sometimes be one-sided or unbalanced.

Taking a step back can help.

Do you do ALL the work?

I found I was in a few friendships I had.

Mostly they were based on me being there for that friend at their convenience.

Don't call them and see if they call you...or call and see how long it takes for them to call you back...or even if they do...go back and see if the things you did together were something that they had wanted to do...did you do anything that you might have wanted to do?..did they bail on you? many times?...more than once?...when you really needed them were they actually there for you?...I was finding with some of my friendships (not just women either) ppl tended to not be there for me...kwim?

So I have started to rely on me/myself...I am a loyal and dependable friend.

If I decide to do something and they call or whatever I go with my gut instincts.

Instead of being disappointed I stick to my plans.

Some of my friends are noticing.

I don't sit around and wait anymore.

If I did I would miss out.

Now I am a lot happier.