Pregnant and life is a mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Pregnant and life is a mess
1
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 9:17am

Nonjudgemental advice needed.



My husband walked out on me and the boys for his mistress almost two years ago. During our marriage, we had two boys, and six miscarriages. Most were late, after the 13th week. The last was a tubular pregnancy, so I lost that tube.



I finally started dating, and boom. I'm pregnant. Yeah, and he is not exactly happy. I don't think he is going to stick around. I don't have the heart to terminate a life after losing so many.



My family has stopped talking to me. I'm only 10 weeks. No job, no health insurance. I feel so alone. I want this baby, but I'm afraid of being judged by everyone.

Still Angry
Karen - Taking Life One Minute at a Time
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 11:58am

Hi there, Crazy Life.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this difficult position.

Please know that you are not alone and that there have been other women (single and alone) who have found themselves pregnant and in a similar situation on this board.

Hopefully, they will see your post and be able to offer up some sound advice on how they handled this situation while walking in similar shoes.

Hang in there,
Valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 12:51pm

Thanks Valerie,



I hope that I am not alone, and my poor doctor is worried about me. So I am hoping for someone to talk to.

Karen - Taking Life One Minute at a Time
Karen - Taking Life One Minute at a Time
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2005
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 1:33pm

Hi Karen. I am sorry that you are going through this right now...it must be very hard. You know what? People WILL judge you and some will be mean and nasty, but hopefully, others will be kind and supportive and helpful. However, your reasons for keeping the baby (or terminating or placing for adoption perhaps) should be all about what is best for you and baby and the kids you already have...and only you can know for sure what the right thing to do is. And you will figure it out and you will find a way to do what you need to do.



We are here for you and you will find a lot of support here when you need it.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 11:36pm

Hi Karen,

Welcome. Here comes a very lengthy reply. Your post definitely resonated with me, then I saw your next post and we also share the same name. Last November, right before I found out I was pregnant, my life was a disaster. I'm not going to go into the details of my relationship with my so-called SO at the time, but suffice it to say he was a mess. I haven't talked to him since he took off on me shortly after the last time we were together. Three days later, upset and quite a mess myself, I was with someone else. Less than three weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.

On August 10, I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy who has saved my life and completely changed everything for the better. I can't recommend anyone else go out and get pregnant the way I did; I feel extremely lucky to have such a miracle baby with everything that was happening in my life when he was conceived. I had lost my way, was on a few different anti-depressants, and also doing other things that weren't good for me. But I never doubted for a second that I wanted this baby (my ex-BF and I had even previously talked about trying), although I also didn't know I could get pregnant so easily. I straightened myself out quickly and stopped taking all my medications (I'll admit I played that one by ear and would have gone back on had I needed to, as major depression can threaten a pregnancy more than taking anti-depressants, particularly after the first trimester). I'm happy to report that my depression remained "in remission" for my entire pregnancy and hasn't reared its head yet even now, 5 weeks after giving birth. I haven't felt this good in more than 10 years. Actually, I don't think I've ever felt this fulfilled. From the beginning, I decided to make having a healthy pregnancy the center of my life, rather than my departed ex-BF or my uncertainty about the baby's paternity.

I tell you all this to let you know you definitely are not alone, and it's still possible to have a happy, healthy pregnancy if you approach it with a focus on taking care of yourself and the love you know you'll have for your baby. I don't have other kids, and I never knew what I was missing, but I honestly think I wasn't ready to be the kind of mother I am today at any other point in my life. I got a lot of great support on these boards, and sought to surround myself with supportive people. Others, I had to tune out for a while, including members of my own family.

I do have to report that the paternity issue still hasn't been resolved. When my ex-BF was told of my pregnancy by the other party (I had no way of reaching him), he reportedly then claimed he couldn't have kids. The other partly initially said he wanted to be involved if it's his baby but then also disappeared. It's now an issue for the courts to resolve, as I'm not seeking contact with either one of them but feel that someday my son will have a right to know who his father is/was. I know this may sound like an episode of Maury, but I feel so blessed to have this amazing child in my life, I don't have room for much bitterness over the fact that neither of the potential fathers cares to find out for sure. I honestly believe my pregnancy would have been far more difficult and could have had a disastrous outcome had I been hung up on trying to keep the baby's father around.

Best wishes. Take care of yourself and please keep us posted.

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Edited 9/21/2010 9:01 am ET by karen2010
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 9:53am

I've not been in your shoes, but I do have some resources that can help you.



Call your local health dept. or social services and get health insurance.

Andy, Gerard, Sarah, Merina and Emma call me Mama,


but you can call me


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 12:56pm

Thanks for your help Karen. It's definitely a horrible time right now.

Karen - Taking Life One Minute at a Time
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 1:03pm

Thanks KelliSue. I am keeping the faith that it will turn out fine. I just finished some school, and when I get a job, hopefully soon, I will return to school. I have checked on all the assistance out there, and currently working with the government program called Pre-Existing Condition Health Insurance. For anyone that needs this it's www.pcip.gov. Who new that being pregnant was a pre-existing condition. I make too much money for the other. I'm keeping my head up and hoping for the best.



I really appreciate the supportive words.

Karen - Taking Life One Minute at a Time
Karen - Taking Life One Minute at a Time
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 1:16pm

I'm really sorry that your family is not being more supportive, things happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2010
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 2:31pm
well you can always come here for support. believe me we've all been there.

 


from issues from autism to couponing


http://mommissues.blogspot.com/

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2010
Thu, 10-07-2010 - 6:32am

Hi, Just to reassure you that you are definetely not alone. I am in a very simlait situation, but to make things more complicated I am still not divorced ( been separatred