Sigh, when will they ever fit...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-1999
Sigh, when will they ever fit...
12
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 2:57pm

Don't get me wrong, in many ways DD (13) really loves her new high school. She says every kid she's encountered has been friendly and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 3:09pm
I'm sorry it hasn't been 100% of what you/she seemed to be hoping for.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 10:31am

I'm sorry that it's not a better fit - I know what you mean about it being all "good" but yet not quite what you had hoped for. And I'm not at all surprised about the arts programs. Raw talent is one thing, but for the kids with extensive training, it's a whole different world. I'm sure that some of that "starry-eyed wonder" for those kids is at least in part due to the excitement that they feel at being in a place so geared towards kids talented in the arts. For your dd, to whom you've given lots of opportunities to shine in this area, it's great, but it's not *new.* When our older dd was shopping for colleges, we visited a few music programs and that was her first indicator of the range in programs/talents in HS. I clearly remember walking out of the first visit with a music director and dd looking up at me and saying, "OMG, was he kidding?" (referring to stuff he asked her if she knew). What, for her, was a basic education in music, was considered *elite* at some of these places. Same way with art - she had done a ton of art, was very gifted, recognition on a high level - and yet she had to take the intro to art class in college. She called after the first class and was like, "okay, this stinks... I'm the best one by FAR. I'll never get better."

Avatar for robbiescottysmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 4:43am

Just sending hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 5:35pm
Sentenced to functional friendships is what I call what she feels. All too familiar (from my own youth, and now for my DDs). Some people are extremely lucky and find those 'soulmate' friendships already in high school... but it's certainly not always like that. But there's time... And as for the school system... I don't think there'll ever be a true 'fit' for them... and that's not meant cynical, not at all.
Hope her arts classes are not too demotivating for her! Y got assigned the xylophone (seriously) in music classes at the start of this year. Doesn't matter how advanced she is in cello... Tell your DD she's not alone! Patience, patience, patience...








Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-1999
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 9:54pm

I'm so sorry. I know you were hoping this would be the ideal fit for her in the arts and academics. I also have an ill fit with my dd at our middle school, to make it worse her twin is absolutely thriving. We are considering private school but have no idea how we would afford it and not sure it it would be better or not.

I hope it gets better for her soon. Hopefully her talents will be noticed by her instructors and they will be able to meet her at her level.

Cathie mom to Audrey & Emily 12 yrs, Libby 2 yrs
Cathie, mom to Audrey & Emily 12 yrs, Libby 2 yrs
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2002
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 10:42pm

Aww, that's too bad. Glad to hear the kids are nice and the social milieu is respectful, but it's too bad there's not the excitement and challenge she'd been hoping for. I had the same experience starting my college music performance program: stuck in all freshman classes after a year of having played professionally in an orchestra, constrained by inflexible rules that didn't allow me to test out of the basics and move to where I was challenged. Sadly I bailed on the program and went into medicine instead. What I should have done was advocated for myself vociferously. Likely with your support your dd will have a bit more chance of being fairly challenged as time goes on.

Miranda

Miranda
in rural BC, Canada
mom to three great kids and one great grown-up
unschooler, violist, runner, doc 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2001
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 1:47pm

I am so sorry she still feels like she doesn't fit in.

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 12:56pm

The problem is, a lot of people think that fitting in is just about being around kids of an exact age. Usually, people think that the most important thing ever, the end all be all of the world, is that kids get along with kids their own exact age. Fact is, when you are much smarter and get things much quicker, and have an excellent work ethic and so on, you just simply do not fit in usually until you find people who are of similar personality and such. So, you kind of want people of similar backgrounds, beliefs systems, interests, AND personalities. This is hard to do when a child is particularly smart and quick at things.

I am sending my daughter to EPGY's summer institute next summer. I am hoping she meets more kids like her there. She doesn't really have a big problem making friends, but generally, those friends are often people whose parents want my daughter to be friends with their kids, not kids who my daughter wants to be friends with. See what I am saying?

She does have this one friend though..a boy.........but that is another story....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-1999
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 11:21am

Thanks for letting me whine. I always feel bad doing so as really, my kids have had it good... maybe not always challenged but always cared for and appreciated. DD still "has it good" in that it is a nice campus with kids who like her. It's really just missing the passion and drive DD wants in her environment and in her peers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-1999
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 3:20pm
We are also keeping the middle college option we have here in the back of our minds for one of our dds (now in 8th) we'll see what high school brings.
Cathie mom to Audrey & Emily 12 yrs, Libby 2 yrs
Cathie, mom to Audrey & Emily 12 yrs, Libby 2 yrs

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