double trouble is an understatement

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
double trouble is an understatement
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:28pm

I thought taking care of two newborn twins was hard but having two 21 month old toddlers tops that by a 1000%. They are driving me nuts and I am totally struggling w/ them. Not everyday is like this but its more than I care to admit. I get so aggravated at them and sometimes angry. Sometimes I raise my voice to them and have even smacked their hands a few times. After both of these I feel immediately guilty and like a horrible mom~its a vicious circle.

they are being a typical toddler but they will feed off of each other. the screaming, hitting, pushing, pinching, climbing, just to name a few is relentless. we have started timeouts and they get it. i tell them to go to time out and they run to there rug that we have designated as the "timeout" rug and sit there. its not working (yet) but hope that it will start to have an impact on their behaviour.

I worked so hard to get these babies I never thought I would be acting like I do w/ them sometimes. they deserve the best and I am totally not giving them that. I try to take a breath before I say anything to them but after the 3876 time of saying the same thing I just loose it. I am raising little people here and I feel like I am changing them for the worse when I do this.

I'm looking into finding a therapist to help me w/ this~I definately need some new tools to use

thanks for listening

Happily married to DH for 9yrs and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2006
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 10:22am

Oh my gosh - (((hugs))) to you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:10pm

Hi Andrea-

Oh, how I can relate--and I only have one. I cannot imagine how overwhelming it must be with 2 toddlers and an infant. ((((HUGS))) to you.

I think that as IVFers we expect a lot out of ourselves. We worked so hard to get here, and I know for me personally, esp when Madeline was little and had colic, I had days with tremendous guilt

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:16pm

Taking care of twin toddlers is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. Seriously. You will get angry. You will yell. The goal is to not do it too often, and to try to rework what's not working so it doesn't happen often. My mom always tells me that guilt doesn't serve any purpose----much better to try to spend that energy figuring out how to make things work better.

Do you know other moms of twins? If not, is there a local moms of twins group you can join? I found it really helpful to meet other twin moms and get some validation, support and parenting ideas.

At 21 months, we did a lot of containment. I still had some baby gates up downstairs, so the kids couldn't get into the bathroom or upstairs. I would think about contained time outs---or mommy time outs---when you're starting to get angry, plop them in a pack n play or crib in a different room, then walk away. They'll be fine for five minutes...or ten if you need it---and you'll feel better with a few minutes to calm down and not yell.

We also started doing classes and such to get us out and about----we did an Early Intervention group (around here they have space for non-EI kids too in groups), gymnastics, library storytime, local sing-a-longs, playdates


2005 5 IUIs + stims---all BFN
4/06 IVF #1 BFN
8/06 FET #1 BFP. Boy/girl twins 4/07
1/10 IVF #2. BFP. Lost baby 4/10 at 11 weeks.
7/10 IVF #3 . BFP. Baby #3 due 4/8/11.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:58pm

Hi Stefanie,

I do appreciate the words of encouragement. you could've read my mind when you were saying about doing IVF and not feeling like I should get a "bad " day. I said those exact words to a friend of mine earlier,lol.

I am overwhelmed a lot of the time but most of the time they will do something cute or funny that makes me laugh. then I am reminded of how much i love these little people.

BTW~I'm glad your feeling better w/ Madeline's talking. I know its hard not to compare them w/ others but it can make you crazy. : )

thanks again,

Happily married to DH for 9yrs and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 10:14pm

I am soooo with you on the busy toddlers!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 5:34am

We're at 13.5 months with the trips and already use a form of time out and finger slaps.

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