I'm Cycling....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I'm Cycling....
4
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:22am
At first, I thought...maybe its just my imagination...maybe I'm really NOT Bipolar...HA HA HA...I'm cycling like crazy...and I knew the anti depressant was probably going to do that to me, but I HAD TO HAVE IT! And now I need it to be increased to the "normal" dose and not the half dose, because I started getting more depressed again last night...and still feeling it this morning...I'm fighting it, trying to talk my way out of it...I'm going from hypomanic (can't sit still, racing thoughts, no focus, really anxious, no sleep) to depressed to hypo again in a matter of hours...on Friday, I was pretty close to manic...but that didn't last long...Saturday I was depressed and VERY VERY irritable...Sunday I was better, not depressed, but still a little irritable...was more or less okay on Monday and Tuesday, now depressed again...WTH is up with that???

I know, I know...I need my meds increased again. I'm a little frustrated, NO, A LOT FRUSTRATED, because I wanted to NOT need meds...I wanted to NOT cycle anymore...I wanted to be free of this...why can't we just be free of it, ya know? Nobody understands what its like...but us...my dh tries so hard to understand, but he just can't...heck, half the time, we don't even understand...

Anyway, I go to my pdoc tomorrow...so I guess I'll up my Topamax again, unless she tries something else instead of Topamax...and pray that she'll increase my Cymbalta...if I need it, I need it...I can't help being depressed!

I'm fine...I just needed to vent...

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 11:23am
Hi Kelli! It could be a mixed episode. I have been going through what you described since July 2004. My psych doctor called it a mixed episode. It's where you experience mania and depression at the same time. My Grandfather died on 7/12/04 and my family went to the beach after the funeral to have a peaceful weekend. I hurt my back and my doctor prescribed me something called Flexeril (a muscle relaxer). Being a rapid cycler, that just sent me spinning. Ever since, I have been switching between mania and depression just about every hour. Now, it's every other day. My medication has been changed a lot since then. I seem to be slipping into depression today. Just remember that this too shall pass. Sometimes it's just easier when you know others have gone through it too. It's tough. I've been there. I'll be praying for you. Take Care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 12:04pm
Yeah, I'm trying NOT to even think about a mixed episode right now, because the ones I've had before, I got psychotic eventually and ended up in the hospital. I feel a LOT better now than I did this morning. See how I cycled up out of the depression??? I think I'm starting to PMS and that causes me BIG problems every month, and I'm taking over the counter cold medicine that has ephedrine in it and my best friend told me that that might be causing me to cycle some too...SO, we'll see.

It does suck...

At least you're cycling every other day now instead of every hour or so...my meds were changed so much, and increased so much to try to stabilize me, I became WAY overmedicated and stopped everything. Now I'm slowly starting over.

And you're so right...this too shall pass...

Hugs,

k.

Avatar for cla3a
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 4:46pm

Hi Keli,


I wish there were something that I could do to help make this an easier time for you.
You have been through a lot lately. I hope that your Pdoc can help you get on even ground again.
It is so hard to go up and down over and over again. I know for me it gets to where I am ready to call it quits. It gets so frustrating knowing no matter what you do you can't stop bouncing from one

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 8:47pm

Keli,