hospitalization *triggers*

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
hospitalization *triggers*
6
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 6:23pm
Hi, everyone. I've only posted here once before, so I'm still just lurking around a little. Today I took my first step towards going back to therapy. Ever since I was diagnosed last year, I fled from everything; the doctors, the medications, the whole mess. Recently, I've been going through what I think is called a "mixed" episode. I've been intensely irritated, restless, and then I get so depressed, and I think about suicide most of the time. I haven't slept more than three hours a night for the last two weeks. I finally decided to call the place I used to go to, and they asked me if I was thinking of killing myself, and I said that I was. They scheduled an appointment for me to come in, but it's three weeks from now! I don't understand. I feel like I can't do this anymore, I'm just so exhausted that I can't even cry anymore.

Has anyone here ever been hospitalized? I only went to the hospital once, and it was because I self-injured badly and needed stitches, and they never had a psychiatrist speak with me, even though I had a history. Sometimes I don't understand the system. But I'm afraid to have my next panic attack, and what will happen if I decide to go to the hospital and tell them what I'm thinking. I don't know what they do to people like that, and I'm too scared to see for myself, even when I know I need their help. I just can't wait that long to see someone, but what can you do about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:07pm
{{HUGS}}

I have been hospitalized, once, a long time ago when I was feeling suicidal and out of control. I honestly believe that if I had not put myself into the hospital, I would not be here today. It was a very calm and relaxing environment. Many people on this board have gone into the hospital on an inpatient basis.

If you are depressed and spending a lot of time thinking about suicide, and don't know if you are safe any more, you SHOULD go. I look at it as could it BE worse then what you are feeling now?? Really, what is the WORST thing that could happen?

Please, if you aren't safe, call a help line or go into a crisis center. Your life is too valuable to risk it.

Post here as much as you need to...we're all here for you!!

Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 11:31pm

Sweetie,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 12:37pm
Thank you both for responding. I really took what you said to heart, and it made me feel that much better. The thing is, I actually already self-injured last night when I couldn't fall asleep. I know that sounds bad, but it made me feel less stressed. (That's a terrible way to cope, I know.) I know that I could benefit from help right now, I'm just afraid of what my family and my boyfriend will think of me if I have to go to the hospital. I've been through this before and while my boyfriend is very, very supportive and good to me, my parents sort of deny my existance whenever I get like this. It's a poor excuse not to help myself, but it's what's preventing me right now. Besides, I'm not even sure where I could go, unless I went to the county hospital near my house. I really am just plain scared to be admitted.

Hope everyone is doing well.

-Lauren

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 1:32pm

I feel bad for you because of the answer you were given.

Christine

CL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:59pm
Honey...you CANNOT wait 3 weeks for help...I was where you were once (or twice, or more) and I checked myself into the hospital and got on meds and got the help I needed THEN. My hospital stays were VERY positive each time. It was scary the first time, but it was so helpful and really saved my life. I'm afraid for you, that if you wait for 3 weeks, your symptoms are only going to intensify and get worse. If you need to talk, or feel unsafe, EMAIL ME at kelisthabomb1@aol.com I am going to check my email after 8:00 tonight to see if you've emailed me, okay? Call a hotline, or 911, or check yourself into the hospital if you are escalating. They will help you, I promise. Its, and YOU are worth it.

Love,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:28pm
Thanks, everyone, for your support. I actually did email you, Keli, and I hope you don't mind, I just signed on about 45 minutes ago and read these posts. I can honestly say that I'm doing well as of right now, and I appreciate the motivation I've been given to seek out more immediate help. I know we've all been down this road before, and I only hope that I can one day look backwards on myself and possibly help someone else who may be in need.

Love to all.

-Lauren