New...with questions
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New...with questions
| Mon, 11-01-2004 - 5:43pm |
Hi...I am new to this, but am hoping to get some advice/support. I have just been started on a mood stabilizer, lamictal. I have been treated for depression for several years, but in addition to the depression, kept having periods of hypomania, as well. During the hypomanic periods, it's like I'm on fast forward. My mind and body go really fast. I am super productive, my mood is elevated and I feel almost euphoric, and I get really outgoing. Some of it is pretty good, actually...but by the end of the day my head feels like it's buzzing...which is not good. Plus, I have trouble sleeping, and when I do sleep I feel like I'm not really rested when I wake up.
I am struggling with feeling like my bipolar symptoms are real, though. I keep wondering if I am making a mountain out of a molehill...if everyone experiences stuff like this and I'm just making a big deal out of it. I don't know...but it's really confusing. I also have a lot of anxiety, bulimia, and mild OCD...and now it's one more thing on top of all that. It's a little overwhelming...and part of me wants to pretend it's not really true and just go back to having "just" depression. *sigh*
Anyway....anything anyone can add would be appreciated. Thanks in advance to everyone....and hope I can get to know all of you.
Love, Grace Emily

Grace Emily,
I, too, was diagnosed with "just" depression for years--it's very common.
Hi Grace Emily.
Welcome to the board. I think that everyone that has this disorder has been in denial about it.
I know I was. I have been Bi-polar for well over 10 years now. I only started taking my meds,and seeing my doctors the past 4 years.
My psychiatrist says that a manic phase is so addicting. You feel so much better when you are on the mania high. You feel like you don't need meds, or doctors. I have come off my meds during a manic phase, and when I came crashing down, it was horrible.
Every thing you described in your post is classic Bi-polar disorder. It takes a lot to get used to it,and it takes a lot to climb out of the hole you
I'm also a little conflicted, because the hypomania is actually good in some respects...and now I'm probably going to lose that. But I just have to remember that it also has a bad side...and that is what I need to avoid. I also HATE taking medicine...and what you said about getting manic and going off your medicine is SO true for me. I've gone off my medicine many times....and then crash hard. It's like this fabulous high, euphoria...and then I turn into a sobbing mess who can barely function.
I hope you're all having a good day...and thank you again.
Love, GE
I'm pretty much going to repeat with everyone else said....What you're feeling is a really common thing. If you look back in the board archives for the past two months or so you'll find discussions that are just like yours. I went through it, and do still go through it, all the time. It doesn't help that sometimes people around you won't accept the dx (my parents don't want to hear the phrase "bipolar", so I don't ever mention it, even though I've been on drugs for it for a couple years now). What you described is pretty classic though. I was treated for "normal" depression, too, off and on for six years before a new pdoc finally decided to treat me with drugs other than SSRI's (which were actually making me worse-Prozac pushed me into a manic episode like nothing I'd ever experienced, and it lasted for almost 2 weeks). I'm doing better now but am still struggling to find the right drug combination. That's the other thing I wanted to add-hang in there when it comes to finding a medication(s) that helps...it's frustrating, but there are lots of different ones out there and everyone reacts a little bit differently.
Stick around the board, even if you're just lurking - I've found that realizing other people are going through exactly what I am on a daily basis is very comforting. Makes you realize you're not alone.
Good luck-
Jessica
Oh yeah - about the mania/hypomania...I think everyone "likes" it to some extent because most of us are so sick of being depressed...but if you're anything like me, it makes you do things you wouldn't do in a "stable" state of mind. Just remember that and remember that it is actually possible to be in a good mood that's not mania and doesn't end in a crash (crazy concept, I know, I'm still working on it).