So upset +++TRIGGERS+++

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
So upset +++TRIGGERS+++
5
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 3:59pm
I'm so low and depressed. xdh has been out of the house for less than a month after 12 years together he already has had a date and sex with another person (I can't put on here what I've been calling her).

I don't think it is the fact that he is dating, it is the fact that before he left he told me he loved me and that it wasn't about another woman. Now he won't take my calls, because I called and hung up on him 3 times. I really need to calm down and move on, but I can't.

How can I ever trust another man???? I know they aren't all like him, but I really think down deep they all want to be like him. Nobody is even looking my way, and he has went from a 36 inch waist to a 32 in 3.5 weeks. He looks GREAT. A**hole!!!!!!

I can't stop crying, I want to hurt myself so bad...,I can't get these ideas out of my mind. I am at a huge loss. You know I survived on Cheerios when he needed 50 dollars. He told me it was for food and gas.......he took that ________ out on my money. I've been used for 12+ years....never again yall. I just can't handle this. I'm ready to jump in front of a bus, seriously. Tried to call pdoc and he was gone. Hopefully he'll call me later.

I know I do not need a man to complete me, it isn't about that. It is about the principal of the whole thing. I mean, yes he was very abusive, but instead of loving me he is loving up on someone else. If he had used his love towards me and not the anger and rage I think I would not be so bothered ya know.?. I mean I had no emotions from him other than anger for so many years.

I'm not only bipolar, yall.....I'm an idiot to boot. Why can't I just move on, he did. My life sucks!!!!!!!!!!! I'm ready for a change.

I can't stop crying, tears are just streaming down my face, and I'm still at work!

What can I do to get over him? I know not talk to him, but that won't work for me, it never had before. I have put my whole life on hold for him and then he does this to me. I wish I were dead. It wouldn't hurt as bad anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 4:10pm
(((hugs))), I know what you are going through. It's hard to go down that road and be able to trust again. I don't care what the experts say, men DO go through a change of life. This doesn't give them the excuse to do this (many men don't). I was devastated by my 1st marriage. He cheated, lied and took everything for granted and when i left, he didn't know why! I have since re-married and have found inside of me the ability to trust again (you will too). Try to focus on the fact that time does heal and it will pass. I tried to look at my situation as an opportunity to nurture myself for a change rather than to put up with yeard of abuse which wouldn't let me be good to myself. It will take a while and a lot of tears but once it passes you will feel stronger and more able to get things in order.

I think the one thing I learned from all of that was that since I couldn't trust him (and I did until he screwed me over) that I needed the assistance of the courts to get him to pay spousal support and child support. I'm not saying that you should run right down and do it, but keep it in mind. Another thing I did was to find a GOOD support group. There are many out there full of women who are in exactly your shoes. That helped me TREMENDOUSLY! Sometimes listening to women talk about throwing thier EDH clothes out in the street and running them over with the care was the laugh the we all needed that night. lol

I hope it gets better for you, you deserve better.

Deb

    CL for The

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 4:15pm
Deb,

Thank you for your words, I will try to understand that I will gain strength from this horrible situation. We have no children, and I make more than he does so I can't go the court route. I divorced him in 2002, but we were still together, mainly because he beat me down so badly I thought nobody would ever want me...I still feel that way.

I have to go catch my bus home.............and try to fix my computer. THANK you so much. I hope I can get through this.

(((((HUGS)))))

Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 7:30pm
Carla,

Sweetie - you are going to get through this. While I've never been married, and I certainly have never been divorced - I have been in abusive relationships before. Although never physically, but emotionally. Thankfully I recognized it before too long. I can only offer you words of encouragement and support. Since I've not been in your shoes I won't pretend to know what you are giong through.

Can I offer a bit of advice though? Skip the pdoc and head right to the nearest hosptial or crisis line. Your life is worth way more than this guy. This may give you a much needed break from that crushing reality. They also can adjust meds and give you time to get better. I do know how horrible it feels to admit that you need more help than a support group or an internet board can provide in an acute cycle. However, if you were having an acute appendix attack - would you put that off? Surgery is the only way to save your life.

Get help - take care of yourself - you mean so much to so many people.

Good luck!

Barbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:46am
Thank you.....I'm a mess. I can't go to the hospital because I wouldn't get paid and without xdh's money I can't do it. Tonight I'm calling the domestic violence hotline to see if they have some sort of publication or something to help me get over him.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 8:45pm

Carla,


Sweetie,