Struggling a little....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Struggling a little....
6
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 9:04am
I'm cycling more and more and I don't know really what to do about it...I had my pdoc appointment last week, and I didn't mention it to my pdoc because of the simple fact that I NEED MY ANTIDEPRESSANT! But, I'm cycling up pretty high...I'll come back down for a little bit, with the help of an Ativan or two...but then I go right back up...I was ecstactic when I woke up yesterday...full of energy, laughing, playing...then I got that "bad" feeling...felt like I needed to come out of my skin...felt like i was vibrating all over...my head was RACING...so i took two Ativan, and went to sleep for a while...got up and felt groggy...hate that...and was down for a while...then cycled back up...but into irritability, frustration and anger...now this morning, i feel good, but have that..."i gotta RUN somewhere" feeling...its hard for me to sit still and be quiet and not talk and i'm at work and there isn't anyone to talk to...UGH! I don't wanna call my pdoc just yet...but i know i'm going to have to sooner or later...I am trying to figure out what is causing the cycling, other than the fact that I'm on a strong antidepressant and NOT on much of a mood stabilizer. Why can't it just be easy???? Its not fair...my dh is going through some hard times right now and I'm wondering if that is causing some of my cycling? I don't know...oh well...just needed to vent...I'm okay, not in any danger of doing anything crazy manic...and if i get tooooo high, i'll call the doctor...i do know that 3 of the 4 times i was hospitalized it was because of being too manic...so i want to head that off if at all possible...i cannot and will not go back to the hospital if this is something i can control. I am just thankful that I can recognize now what is going on with me now and not let it get out of control.

Hugs to all,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 7:02pm

(((Keli)))


I can totally relate, this is all pretty new to me, but I am a rapid cycler too! And I get the agitated highs. I'm just as nervous about weaning off the antidepressants (especially since I cycle into depression!), which my pdoc is doing as he has increased the Lamictal, reassuring me that lamictal is a good antidepressant AND it has mood stabilizing effects. I sure hope so! This is getting really old, and I've only been diagnosed for2 months now - I hope and pray that I can get on an even keel and stay there. And I'm praying that you will too. You've given me so much support, and I really appreciate it!

peace and love,


just_a_big_kid


Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 12:53pm
Hey Sue! Thanks so much for responding to my post! I feel a lot better today. I called my pdoc yesterday after all and she decreased my anti depressant and increased my mood stabilizer and I haven't cycled up today at all. Thank goodness. Yes, this disorder is sooooo frustrating and I've been fighting with meds for almost three years now. UGH!

How are you feeling?

Hugs, hon!

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 5:43pm

Hi Keli -


Glad you called your pdoc and he's tweeking your meds. If it wasn't for this board, I probably would be calling mine daily because I want to feel better NOW!!! And I want it to come in the form of a magic bullet!


I'm having a very emotional day. It's my 90 day AA anniversary

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 4:04pm

Sue,


Congratulations on your 90-day anniversary!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 6:52pm

Morgaine -


I don't know about the specifics of how the email process works - I know that if you click on my username you

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

Avatar for babygromit
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 1:51am

I get that major cycling or needing to get out of my skin feeling when something is not right with one of meds. Like I forgot to take one and I'm having withdrawls or it's time to find a new cocktail because the one that did work has stopped it's magic. Does that make sense?


Oh and don't you just hate the talking. It's like you become possesed and you can't get the words to stop coming out. Sometimes I just get so sick of hearing my own voice, especially when I see other people's face start to glaze over from bordem. Yet I just keep on talking as I hear the voice in my head saying, "just shut up already!!" LOL!


This doesn't work for every bipolar person and may not for you but I find that tv helps my mind stop. Watching something I'm intrested in keeps my own thoughs out while I zone out to the tube. You could try it. But I do suggest calling the doc. You may need to recheck your meds and get something new.