Psych Med Leave--Take 3 *poss trigs*
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| Mon, 11-15-2004 - 8:31pm |
It's happened again. I simply can't tolerate living in Michigan. I feel so strong and capable, then as soon as it's clear that the cold has set in to stay, I lose it. I wanted so badly to avoid taking a leave this year, but as the sick days began rolling in, it became inevitable. One can't stay up crying until 3 in the morning, and expect to wake up bright-eyed and ready to teach eager young elementary schoolers by 8. I feel so guilty for letting both myself and them down.
There's always unrelated medical stuff to complicate matters, too. I feel like I should be able to take them in stride like "normies" do, but instead I'm triggered and anxiety ensues. Tomorrow I'll have a dignostic mammogram (my first) and ultrasound of my breast. An exam revealed a lump. Doc said it's probably of no concern, but it needs to be checked out just in case. If that wasn't enough, I have yet another cyst on my ovary to keep the lump company. Again, it'll probably amount to nothing--just hurt like hell until it finally ruptures,hurts worse, then goes away until weeks or months when another returns. Why are seemingly "normal" things like this such triggers?!
Once the girl stuff clears, I'm faced with the choice of a move to Florida where I'd be warmer, and happier with family nearby, or stay in Michigan and remain an active part of my two daughters' lives. BP DD continues to be a challenge as she gets older (only 8.5). Without me here, I question her dad's ability to recognize her emotional needs. Being a part of her and her sister's lives is so important to me. Ex-DH refuses to move. I could fight for full custody, but I don't know that I could handle the legal battle that would ensue. I have always acted in their best interest, but still worry that my DX and last year's hospitalization would ruin my case. To have to choose is unbearable. I can't keep doing this year after year. Sorry for the long vent. Just wish there were a magical solution out there for me to take hold of.
Moriah

Hugs,
Keli
Hey Keli,
I've looked for you on IM--you must have changed your ID again. I use Yahoo the most. My ID's techieteach2001, add @yahoo.com for my email. Wish I could join you in Florida. I still love it, hurricanes and all.
Hugs,
Moriah
hey girl...i had you as mnotcarey on my buddy list...
i'm kelisthabomb at work...
and kelisthabomb1 at home...
lol
i added techieteach to my AIM...
hugs,
k.
I'm still mnotcarey at AIM; it's on Yahoo that I'm techieteach2001. I use that one more.
Moriah
Moriah,
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the health issues--I personally haven't had cysts, but fibroids were a REAL pain, but my youngest sis has had both and breast cysts--she insists the cysts were more painful.