Phone with ex **trigs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Phone with ex **trigs**
3
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:43pm
He said, "I just want them to have a normal life, and that doesn't include you." I hate him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 10:01pm

Blech!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 12:17am
Sweety:

Having a child with a son-of-a-creep, I can relate all too well. Fortunately for me, I have custody...that doesn't make him easier to deal with.

In your case, fortunately, he doesn't have a choice about you being a part of their lives or not. As long as you are their mother and have legal visitation (which is hard to lose in most states) then you CAN be a part of their lives - and I think you should be.

One of the hardest things for me to deal with in the past 10 years was the hurtful things my ex says to me...there are still times when he or his SO will "get me". But you just have to remember who the better person is. Don't sink to their level and make angry statements back. That typically will drive them nuts. :) Just do what you need to do for you and your kids.

Keep posting as much as you need to!! We are here for you!

Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 2:31pm

Thanks for your support. I do need to be mindful of the angry retorts. It's hard not to let my hurt become defensiveness or opposition. I am above that, and need to remain that way.

It's hard to curb my resentment of him this time of year, when I miss the Florida climate and my family who live there. It's been 14 years since he dragged me up here, and I've felt imprisoned ever since. I would have never agreed to come had I known that the move would be irreversable. Why I remained with him for 11 years and bore his children, I can't say. He refused to relocate during the marriage despite recognizing the negative impact it had on me; I know better than to hope he'd do it now. "For the kids' sake" apparently translates to getting me out of their lives. I am a good mother and teacher. His parenting skills, on the other hand, I've questioned of late. Despite that, with my mental history and leaves from the job, I doubt I'd win a custody battle. It's currently joint, both physical and legal. God, I wish the sun shone here. Thanks again for hearing me out. I appreciate the feedback from other intelligent women who can relate.